Everybody has a spanking sweet spot—an area on their ass that feels especially good to them. For most female-bodied people, it is the lower half of the butt in the center. Spanking that spot vibrates straight through to the clitoris. For most male-bodied people, the sweet spot is a little higher, over the anus, where the vibrations go through to the prostate. Some people like it higher or lower on their ass cheeks and may also like spanking on the fronts, backs, or insides of their thighs. Explore and see what feels best to your partner. Spank around her sweet spot and spank directly on it. You can hit all the meaty parts of your partner’s body. Avoid hitting over bones, joints, and areas above soft-tissue organs like kidneys.
Your hand is capable of imparting lots of different sensations; using them in different ways can vary your spanks. A cupped hand feels completely different from a flat hand. When you use a cupped hand, you are delivering your hit with a soft pocket of air. A flat hand strikes with a bigger punch. Fingers apart gives a more stinging feeling than fingers together. Striking with just the fingers gives more sting, whereas the whole hand gives more thud. Try different types of spanks and see what reactions you get from your partner.
Accessorize for sensation! Experiment with wearing a glove: a soft lined leather glove can add thud; a thin latex glove can add sting. Does your hand get tired or does your partner want more than you can dish out with your bare hand? Try a paddle. Everybody has different preferences: you can choose a leather, wood, rubber, or plastic paddle. My favorite is a leather paddle covered in fur (or faux fur) on one side. It’s two sensations in one toy: one side is thuddy and the other is stingy. You don’t need to go to a fetish store or spend a lot of money. See what you already have: a big wooden spoon, a spatula, a slipper, a hairbrush, or a Ping-Pong paddle. Try a rubber flip-flop and see what sensations you can create with it—get creative!
As the scene progresses, vary the stimulation. Pause during the spanking to caress your bottom’s butt cheeks very softly or use your fingernails to lightly scratch them. You can also add a toy: drag some sensuous bunny fur, a tickly feather, an ice cube, or a pointy letter opener across her butt. You’ll be surprised at how sensitive the butt is after having been spanked—every feeling is now magnified. You might get a fun reaction: he may yelp or shudder or squirm.
I love adding a butt plug to a spanking scene. Lightly tap the inserted plug and the vibrations will go all the way through his body. This works best with plugs made of silicone. Spank around the plug, but be careful about spanking directly on it. Depending on the size and shape, it might not feel good. Other people like adding a dildo to a spanking. Again, different people like different things.
Be sensitive to your partner. Watch her body to see how she reacts to different techniques. As you increase the sensation and the scene continues, her breathing is likely to change. She may wiggle or stiffen. She may make more noises. She may even break out in a sweat. Everybody reacts differently. Again, if you are not sure how to interpret your partner’s reactions, ask how he is feeling and what he is feeling. Remember that the same reaction from two different people may mean different things, so don’t assume.
Get a rhythm going. Once your partner is warmed up, get into a percussive groove. The beat (yes, that’s a pun) should be determined by how your partner reacts, not by the soundtrack you’ve created. Many people, especially female-bodied people, can reach orgasm just from spanking. For others, it is good lovemaking all by itself.
Some people need a little help to come to orgasm from spanking. Sometimes I reach around with my other hand and spank her clit. The type of spank I use depends on what she likes: sometimes a firm slap or a cupped hand is best. Either way, keep a steady rhythm. With some people I use a vibrator. With a guy, grabbing and stroking his cock can work. Or have your bottom help themselves. Order them to masturbate.
When the spanking is over, keep the connection. Bask in the afterglow, both physical and emotional. Lots of cuddles and hugs. Or more sex! Spanking is great foreplay for other activities like fisting and fucking. Or caning.
CANES FOR PAIN AND PLEASURE
My ex-girlfriend, Peggy, was a great cook. She was also a big masochist. We were well suited for each other. Peggy would make me dinner and I would beat her. After a time, we developed a little game. I would tell her how terrible her cooking was and then I would “punish” her with a cane, her favorite toy. I would always tell her that I would give her another chance to get it right, and this snagged me another invitation to dinner. There were many fine dinners and many punishments. We even hung a cane in the kitchen so it would be right there for me to use.
One weekend, we traveled out of state to Jack’s house. Jack was a bachelor who ate a lot of pizza and Chinese takeout. He was very grateful that Peggy cooked us a fabulous home-cooked meal. The three of us sat down to eat. I took one bite and bellowed, “This is slop! Get me a cane!”
Peggy ran to get a cane. Jack looked down at his food and continued eating. He was totally silent, not wanting to get involved in what was going on. When Peggy came back, I gave her six full strokes of the cane—no warm-up.
We sat back down and continued eating. Jack squirmed in his seat and said in a small voice, “That was role play, wasn’t it?”
Peggy and I laughed and assured him that it truly was role play. Jack breathed a sigh of relief and said, “This is really good food.”
Now that you are all warmed up and you have your endorphins flowing from a spanking, you may want to try canes. Caning was traditional for severe punishment in the Victorian era and in the British school system, so canes can be the center of some great role play opportunities. Because of their perceived severity, canes have developed a reputation as the “scariest” of all BDSM impact toys, but a caning can be light and sensuous or heavy and painful—it’s all about how you wield the cane. Learn how to use a cane properly, build your skills, and you can control the sensations you create. As with spanking, some people get very turned on by being caned and others can orgasm from a caning.
The first order of business is to select a cane. Traditional canes are made of rattan, not bamboo or wood, and should be able to bend significantly. Don’t be put off by a cane that is not straight. But while they usually have a curve, canes should always flow in a straight line without any bends. A cane should not wobble when you swing it. You should buy a cane from a store (rather than online or through the mail), so you can test different types. Canes vary in length anywhere from 20 to 36 inches long. Shorter ones are best for novices because they are easier to control; longer ones allow you to hit with more force. The diameters also range from very thin and whippy to much thicker and thumpy. Thinner canes feel stingy and thicker canes feel thuddy. Everybody has different preferences. Some people like both. Maybe they like starting with the thuddy and then moving into stingy after they are warmed up. Check out the tip of the cane to be sure it is well rounded. I also appreciate a comfortable handle. To test a cane, swish it through the air (not too hard or it will break). Does it travel in a smooth line? Give it a quarter turn in your hands and try again. Keep trying until you find the most effective way to hold it. Be sure not to grip the cane too tightly.