“Drops?” the clerk mimics in disgust. “What do you mean, ‘drops’? The man’s drowned, and he wants to give him drops! We have to get the water out of him! What are you staring at? You don’t have an ounce of compassion, the lot of you! Run over to the village, on the double, and get a rug so we can give him a good shaking!”
A group of men pull themselves away from the crowd and run over to the village to find a rug. The clerk is suddenly fdled with inspiration. He rolls up his sleeves, rubs his palms against his sides, and does a series of litde movements designed to show his brisding vigor and decisiveness.
“Don’t crowd me, don’t crowd me!” he mumbles. “All those who are in excess, leave! Did anyone go to the village? Good!
“Gerasim Alpatitch,” he adds, turning to the sergeant major. “Why don’t you just go home? You’re totally soused, and in your delicate condition it’s best to stay home!”
The sergeant major vaguely waves his fingers and,wanting to say something, puffs his face up as if it were about to explode in all directions.
“Put him on it!” the clerk barks as the rug arrives. “Grab him by the arms and legs! Yes, that’s right. Now put him on it!” “And I tell him, a dog upon you!” the drowned man mumbles, without resisting or even noticing that he is being lifted onto the rug. “We have no wish to!”
“There, there! Don’t worry!” the clerk tells him. “No need to be frightened! We’re only going to shake you a bit, and with the help of God you’ll come back to your senses. The constable will be over any minute now, and will draw up an official report according to the regulations. Shake him, and praise be the Lord!”
Eight robust men, among them Anisim the squadron leader, grab hold of the corners of the rug. At first they shake him timidly, as if they are not sure of their own strength. But then, bit by bit, they get a taste for it, their faces taking on an intense, bestial expression as they start shaking him with voracious passion. They stretch, stand on tiptoe, and jump up and down as if they want to fly up in the air with the drowned man.
“Heave-ho! Heave-ho! Heave-ho! Heave-ho!”
The squat clerk runs around them, trying with all his might to get hold of the rug, shrieking in a cracked voice: “Harder! Harder! All together now! Keep up the rhythm! Heave-ho! Heave-ho! Anisim! You’re lagging! Heave-ho!”
In the split seconds between heaves, the old man’s tussled head and pale puzzled face—filled with horror and physical pain—bob up from the rug, but immediately disappear again as the rug flies up to the right, plunges straight down, and then with a snap flies up to the left. The crowd cheers. “Go for it! Save your soul! Yes!”
“Well done, Egor Makaritch! Save your soul! Yes, go for it!”
“Well, boys, and once he’s better he’ll have to stay right here! Yes, the moment he can stand on his feet, the moment he comes back to his senses, he’ll have to buy us all a bucket of vodka for our trouble!”
“Damn! Harnessed poppies on a shaft! Look over there, brothers! It’s the lady from Shmelyovo with her bailiff! Yes, it’s him. He’s wearing a hat!”
A carriage draws up. In it sits a heavy, middle-aged lady wearing a pince-nez and holding a colorful parasol. Sitting next to the driver on the coach box, with his back to her, is Stepan Ivanitch, the bailiff—a young man wearing a straw hat. The lady looks shocked.
“What is going on?” she asks. “What are they doing over there?
“We’re reviving a drowned man! Happy holidays, your ladyship! He was a bit tipsy, you see, this is what led to it! We were marching all around the village carrying icons! What a feast!”
“Oh, my God!” the lady gasps. “Reviving a drowned man? But that’s impossible! fitienne!” she calls out to Stepan Ivan- itch, the bailiff, “for heavens sake go tell them to stop immediately—they will kill him! Shaking him—this is pure superstition! He must be rubbed and given artificial respiration! Please, go over there immediately!”
Stepan Ivanitch jumps down from the coach box and approaches the shakers. He has a severe look on his face.
“What are you doing!” he shouts at them in a rage. “That’s no way to revive a man!”
“So what’re we supposed to do?” the clerk asks. “After all, he drowned!”
“So what if he drowned! Individuals unconscious due to drowning are not to be shaken, they are to be rubbed! You’ll find it written on every calendar. Put him down immediately!”
Bewildered, the clerk shrugs his shoulders and steps to the side. The shakers put down the rug and look with surprise first at the lady, and then at Stepan Ivanitch. The drowned man, his eyes now closed, is lying on his back, breathing heavily.
“Damn drunkards!” Stepan Ivanitch shouts.
“My dear man!” Anisim says, panting, laying his hand on his heart. “Stepan Ivanitch! Why such words? Are we pigs? Just tell us plain and simple!”
“You can’t shake him, you have to rub him! Undress him! On the double! Grab hold of him and start rubbing! Undress him, on the double!”
“Boys! Start rubbing!”
They undress the drowned man, and under the bailifFs supervision start rubbing him. The lady, not wishing to see the naked peasant, has the coachman drive her a little farther down the road.
“Ttienne!” she calls to Stepan Ivanitch. “fitienne! Come here! Do you know how to administer artificial respiration? You must rock him from side to side and press him in the chest and stomach!”
“Rock him from side to side!” Stepan Ivanitch shouts, returning to the crowd. “And press him in the stomach—not so hard, though!”
The clerk, who after his feverish spurt of action is stand-ing around not quite himself, also joins the others in rubbing the drowned man.
“I beg you, do your best, brothers!” he says. “I beg you!”
“Éitienne!” the lady calls out. “Come here! Have him sniff burnt leaves and tickle him! Tickle him! Quickly, for God’s sake!”
Five minutes pass, ten minutes. The lady looks over at the crowd and notices a commodon. She hears the peasants panting and the bailiff and the clerk barking out orders. A smell of burned leaves and alcohol hangs in the air. Ten more minutes pass, and the peasants keep on working. But finally the crowd parts and the bailiff comes out, red and covered with sweat. Anisim is right behind him.
“He should have been rubbed from the start,” says Stepan Ivanitch. “Now it’s too late.”
“What could we have done, Stepan Ivanitch?” Anisim sighs. “We got to him too late!”
“What is going on?” the lady asks. “Is he alive?”
“No, he died, may the Lord have mercy upon him,” Anisim says, making the sign of the cross. “When we pulled him out of the water, there was life in him and his eyes were open, but now he’s all stiff.”
“What a pity!”
“Well, fate decreed that death would fell him not on dry land but in the water! Could we have a small tip, your lady-ship?”
The bailiff jumps onto the coach box, and the driver, glancing over at the crowd as it backs away from the dead body, whips up the horses. The carriage drives on.
INTRIGUES
a. Election of new chairman of the Association.
b. Discussion of the October 2nd incident.
c. Synopsis of the activities of member Dr. M. H. von Bronn.
d.Routine matters concerning the Association.
Doctor Shelestov, the culprit in the October 2nd incident, is getting ready to go to the meeting. He has been standing for a long time in front of the mirror, trying to give his face a languid look. If he were to turn up at the meeting with a face that looked concerned, tense, red, or slightly pale, then his enemies would deduce that he was affected by their intrigues. If his face was cold, impassive, as if he had had a good night s sleep, the kind of face that people have who are untouched by the toils and strife of life, then all his enemies would secretly be overcome with respect and think: