I pushed the covers off me—it was hot in my room—and swung my legs down to the ground. I stretched my arms over my head as I grabbed my phone from the charger. I needed a glass of water, and then maybe I’d see what my friends were up to. And I had another date tonight. The thought of it made me smile as I took the steps down to the kitchen two at a time. I didn’t know if I could get them all on board for wardrobe prep again, but I also wasn’t really sure that I needed it. When someone has seen you wearing their clothes, not to mention first thing in the morning, I was pretty sure you no longer had to try to impress them as much with your sartorial choices.
I had just walked into the kitchen, punching in the unlock code on my phone, when I stopped short. My dad was sitting at the kitchen table, his arms folded across his chest. And he looked angrier than I’d ever seen him look before.
“Where the hell,” he asked, his voice low and furious, “have you been?”
Chapter
EIGHT
I blinked at him. “What—what do you mean?” I asked. “I texted you that I had a work emergency—” But my dad was already pushing himself back up from the table, his voice rising.
“I have been waiting all night for you to come home, young lady,” he said, pointing angrily at the clock across the kitchen. “And you stroll on in here at seven a.m. without so much as a word?” I hadn’t ever heard my dad’s voice like this, ever. This wasn’t the controlled anger at his debates and press conferences, when he needed to be upset about an issue only to be able to pivot and speak rationally a moment later. This was real.
“I sent you a text,” I said, even as my heart was pounding hard, feeling the anxious, jittery feeling coursing through me that had always meant you’re in trouble. I suddenly felt eight years old again, approaching the table where both my parents sat looking down at me, furious, my report card in front of them.
I pulled out my phone, and only then did I see I had eight missed calls from my dad and four voice mails. There were also about twelve texts from him, starting friendly and concerned, then getting worried, then angry. I scrolled up past these, to the text I’d sent him, ready to show him proof that I’d covered my bases, been responsible. But my stomach plunged as I looked at the screen. There was the text I’d composed—but never sent. I closed my eyes for a second, remembering. I’d written it, but then Bri had texted, and I’d gotten distracted. I’d assumed, this whole time, that it had gone through and that everything here was fine.
“Oh,” I said, my voice small. “So . . . here’s the thing.” I looked up at him, and when I saw how mad he still was, looked back down at my phone. “I wrote a text to you. But it never got sent. But you can see it. Look . . .” I held out my phone to him, but he barely glanced at it. “I’m really sorry,” I said, hoping we could move past this. I knew he must have been worried, but it was an honest mistake.
“You think that’s an excuse?” he asked, shaking his head. “You think you can come home whenever you want?”
I felt myself frown as I looked up at him. I was sorry that he’d been worried. I’d apologized. It was a mistake. So what was he doing still yelling at me about it? “Look, I said I was sorry. Can we drop it now, please?”
“Drop it?” my dad asked, his face turning steadily redder. “No, Alexandra, we’re not going to drop it.”
Maybe it was the use of my full name—or the way he was suddenly pretending like he was a regular dad, one who’d earned the right to yell at me about curfews, but whatever it was, I didn’t think I could stand there and listen to it any longer. Because the fact was, I was usually coming in around now, after spending the night at a party or at one of my friends’ houses. But he didn’t know any of that, because he hadn’t been here to see it. I started to take a breath and tell him this, but even thinking about it was like getting close to a powder keg. There was so much in there, that I knew if I said anything else, I would explode. “I don’t have to take this,” I said, shaking my head. I needed to leave, get out of there, try and get my heart rate somewhat back to normal. I was on the verge of saying things I couldn’t take back, and I needed to leave before I did. I grabbed my bag and keys from where I’d dropped them on the counter and headed for the side door.
“Where are you going?” my dad asked, sounding more confused now than angry, like I’d done something that had deviated from whatever script he’d been following. I didn’t answer, just yanked the door open with hands that were shaking and stepped outside into the bright sunlight. My sunglasses were back on the kitchen counter, but I didn’t think it would be advisable to go back and grab them. “Andie,” my dad called after me, and I could hear he was back to being mad again—madder than he’d been when I’d come downstairs. “Come back here. I’m your father.”
My lip started to quiver, and I bit it hard as I half ran to my car, trying to keep myself from crying, or yelling, or doing some combination of the two. But mostly I wanted to stop myself from screaming back at him what was reverberating inside my head. No, you’re not. Not for years and years now. I didn’t let myself look back as I started the car, put it in drive, and peeled out faster than I should have. I didn’t even signal, just pulled out onto the road, hands gripping the steering wheel, knowing without a shadow of a doubt that I’d just made things much, much worse.
ME
Hey. Where are people?
TOBY
PALMER
I’m at the diner with Tom. I think Toby’s trying to say she’s at the museum until 5?
TOBY
BRI
Hey! I’m working the concession counter at the theater until six. You guys should come by!
Wait, what’s with the rainbow?
PALMER
Toby?
TOBY
BRI
I no longer understand anything that’s happening.
ME
Well, I need to get out. Meet you guys at the diner.
Sorry if this was a couple’s thing.
PALMER
Totally not! See you soon.
Tob, are they PAINTINGS? Is that what you’re trying to say?
TOBY
BRI
So I guess you guys aren’t coming by?
ME
Can’t right now. Will explain later.
• • •
I pulled open the door to the diner and scanned the room for Palmer and Tom, smoothing my hair down. Since I’d gotten into my car barefoot, I’d been relieved to find an old pair of flip-flops underneath the passenger seat. However relaxed the dress code was here, I had a feeling they probably weren’t kidding about the “no shoes” thing.
Not that the rest of my outfit was great, by any stretch of the imagination. I was still wearing Clark’s ASK ME ABOUT THE LUMINOSITY T-shirt and his sweatpants, and I’d now slept in both. A glance in my rearview mirror let me know that my hair had dried puffy on one side and flat on the other and that I had a pillow crease on one cheek. But if I could just hustle into our booth, I would be okay.
I spotted them, in our normal booth, and hustled over. “Hey,” I said, sliding across from Palmer and Tom, who were already sitting on the same side, Tom’s arm slung around Palmer’s shoulders.
“Whoa,” Palmer said, drawing back slightly from me, her expression surprised. “I mean,” she said, regrouping, “hi, Andie. Um . . . rough night?”
“Is it that bad?” I asked, tucking my hair behind my ears, slinking down farther in the booth. As I did, I caught the eye of a guy sitting across the restaurant and felt my stomach sink as he gave me a smile and a quick wave. It was Frank Porter, who I’d had a micro-crush on last year when I heard he broke up with his longtime girlfriend. But he came back to school in the fall so clearly besotted with Emily Hughes that I’d quashed my crush immediately. That still didn’t mean I wanted to look awful in front of him, though. He was sitting across from Matt Collins, who was saying something that made Frank laugh, and I turned my back on them.