“He was really happy for me at first,” Clark said, and the faint trace of hopefulness still in his voice was breaking my heart. I wanted to slide across my seat and wrap my arms around him, kiss him until he had forgotten all about this, but I knew that neither one would actually be helpful right now. “And he thought that it would be good for his book too. But my agent didn’t want it. And he couldn’t sell it anywhere, this book he’d been working on for ten years. And then my books started to do well. . . .”
“And he wasn’t so happy?” I filled in, feeling my anger at Clark’s dad starting to rise.
“Not so much,” Clark said, and though he was keeping his tone light, I could practically see the effort involved with it. “He used to say that he was planning on reading my books, getting around to it any day now. But we’ve stopped talking about it, really, and I’ve accepted now that he’s just not going to read them.”
“What about your mom?”
Clark shrugged as he made the right onto the street that was the shortcut to the diner’s parking lot. “She stays out of it mostly,” he said. “She keeps the peace, changes the subject if it looks like we’re going to start talking about something that could be upsetting.” I nodded, trying to ignore how familiar that sounded. “It was why I moved out this year.” Clark pulled into the parking lot, which was half-deserted. He swung into an open space and cut the engine but didn’t take the keys out yet, and I didn’t unbuckle my seat belt or do anything that might stop him from continuing.
“Was it just too hard?”
Clark looked over at me and gave me a sad smile. “No,” he said. “That’s the thing. We were getting along great. But it wasn’t until I realized why that I knew I had to leave.”
I blinked at him, trying to figure out what this was without having to ask him. Before I could formulate the question, Clark went on quietly. “It was because I realized he was happier when I wasn’t succeeding. Because we’ve never gotten along better than when I couldn’t write.”
I drew in a sharp breath as the impact of this hit me—what Clark had been going through for the last three years. “I’m really sorry,” I said when I realized that there was nothing else I could say—what I really wanted to say about his dad might be better saved for another time.
“Thanks,” he said, looking down at the steering wheel as he shrugged. “It’s just hard.” We sat in silence for a moment, and then Clark said, his voice quiet, “Your dad read my books right away. Because we were dating, and he wanted to know more about me.”
“Maybe the first one,” I said, “but the second one was because he liked the story.”
Clark gave me a faint smile. “But he did it for you. I mean . . . I wish my dad were more like that,” he said, his voice getting softer with every word. “You’re just really lucky.”
I sat there, listening to the rain beat against the car windows, and realized he was right. It was something I would never have believed at the beginning of the summer. But it was true now. I couldn’t imagine my dad ever stepping in my way to try to block my path, or wanting anything but for me to be happy.
“I know,” I said, my voice quiet.
I reached my hand over to cover his, and he threaded his fingers through mine. We just stayed like that, neither one of us making any move to get out of the car as the rain fell all around us. I rested my head on his shoulder, and he tipped his head down to rest against mine, and I sensed he was feeling what I was—that there was no need to talk just then. That what we’d said, and the rhythm of Clark’s heartbeat, and the sound of the rain, in that moment, was enough.
Chapter
FIFTEEN
Clark had started writing again.
He didn’t tell me right away, but I knew something was different. I’d come by to get Bertie and he wouldn’t be there to greet me, Bertie already wrangled into his leash. He’d emerge a few minutes later, a faraway look in his eye, his mind clearly on other things, and he’d head out to the walk forgetting essential things—his keys, his sunglasses, the dog. He always seemed to be typing things into his phone or scribbling things down on scraps of paper. When I finally asked him if he was writing—as carefully as possible, since I didn’t know the rules of writer’s block, and whether you could call it back by saying its name, Beetlejuice style—he told me that he was. He seemed thrilled but wary, not wanting to tell anyone any details about it, something that was driving Tom bananas.
But maybe he needed to say out loud that he had an idea and it was worth exploring, because after that Clark dropped the pretense and started to work for real. This meant that while he sometimes would take a break to walk Bertie with me, mostly when I picked up the dog now, I would come into the dining room, where he’d set up his office, and give him a quick kiss, but wouldn’t even stop to talk.
I knew the idea had real potential when he let his publisher know he was writing—apparently, she’d called when he was working, and didn’t have his defenses up—and she was thrilled. He’d told me one night when we were all hanging out by the pool that he’d even agreed to a reading and book signing in New Jersey in a few weeks and had asked if I’d go with him.
“I haven’t done a bookstore event for years, because the first question you always get is about the new book and what it’s about.”
“But you can answer that now,” I said, giving him a smile that I hoped looked sweet and innocent. “Like, what would you say, exactly, if someone asked you now?” Clark shot me a look, and I protested, “Tom wants to know too, you know. He promised me twenty dollars if I can get you to tell me the plot.”
“Andie,” Tom called from where he was sitting with Palmer on the side of the pool, “remind me to tell you the definition of the word ‘secret’ one of these days.”
Despite our best efforts—including my dad at dinner—Clark hadn’t given up any real details, though from the few comments he’d made, I was pretty sure that the new book was about Tamsin’s ne’er-do-well older brother, Jack.
But I was beginning to understand just how spoiled I’d been, having a boyfriend with no job and no responsibilities, one who was usually happy to walk dogs with me or hang out all day. Now I had a boyfriend who spent most of his time working feverishly on a new book, his hands flying over his laptop keyboard, like if he didn’t get the words down, they might disappear and not come back again. I was glad that he was working, mostly because he was so happy about it—relieved and terrified and excited all at the same time. But it did mean my summer of Clark having nothing but time on his hands was over. Since he’d started working some nights, we’d been scheduling our dates.
And there was one date in particular that we’d both blocked off. It was this coming Saturday, and I’d marked the date off in my phone with no subject, just a series of exclamation points. It was the night that we’d decided we were going to take things to the next level. It had been my decision. While Clark let me know in no uncertain terms that he was more than okay with this, I didn’t feel any pressure from him. This was what I wanted, and now that we had a date marked off, I wasn’t so much scared as I was really excited.
Since I knew that if I had nothing to do all day, I would just obsess about what was going to happen that night, I’d packed my schedule full. I had early-morning walks, and then Toby and I were going to Mystic Pizza for lunch—we’d all slept over at Bri’s the week before and had a Julia Roberts Rom-Com fest, and when I’d found out that it was an actual pizza place just an hour outside Stanwich, I’d made plans to go immediately. Toby was equally insistent on going, though I suspected mainly because she wanted the T-shirt. Bri and Palmer were busy, so it was just the two of us on a mini road trip. That would take up most of the day, so hopefully I’d be able to go home and get ready and not have too much time to let my thoughts run away with me. Clark had planned a date for us, but he wouldn’t tell me what it was, just that it was a surprise, and—I’d made him swear to it—didn’t involve either mountains or bikes.