Dee laughed so hard three of the rabbits stopped and turned to look. ‘Are you kidding? Say thank you and head up the mountain.’
Mare had walked back to Value Video!! in time to see William moping in the storeroom. ‘Go eat something,’ she said and sent him to the diner, in no mood for any more depression. Then she’d taken her Styrofoam out to the counter and found Jude talking sternly to Dreama, who looked rebellious.
‘Ciao, Mare!’ Jude said.
‘Now what?’ Mare said to Dreama.
‘I caught Dreama making a personal phone call,’ Jude said stiffly.
‘I called Algy,’ Dreama said.
‘That wasn’t a personal phone call,’ Mare said to Jude. ‘Stop being such a damn bean counter.’ She looked at Dreama. ‘Is Algy coming back tonight?’
‘No,’ Dreama said miserably. ‘He wouldn’t even talk to me.’
‘Well, you did your best.’
‘You could have gotten Algy back,’ Dreama said even more miserably.
‘The hell I could have,’ Mare said. ‘I’m a complete failure.’ And Dreama scowled at her.
‘Now about New York,’ Jude said, trying for businesslike and just sounding fussy. ‘I can guarantee you a vice presidency in public relations, but you’ll have to promise to give up anything out of the ordinary-’
‘No. Also, I sent William on a lunch break. He needed hot protein.’ Mare put her Coke down on the counter.
‘No food at the front of the store,’ Jude said automatically.
‘Don’t make me hurt you,’ Mare said. ‘I want to talk to you. In private.’
Jude blinked and said, ‘I really don’t have the time right now, perhaps later,’ and made tracks for the back of the store, and when Mare followed him, he was gone.
‘Little weasel,’ Mare said when she came back to the front.
‘I don’t like him,’ Dreama said. ‘Hold that thought,’ Mare said.
Jude stayed MIA, but William came back very late in a slightly better mood after Pauline fed him, the afternoon went by without incident, and then the six-thirty showing of Corpse Bride went off without a hitch except for Mare’s almost uncontrollable urge to weep when Emily turned into moths at the end. That’s me, she thought, I’ll end up a bunch of blue moths, unloved in this creepy little town. She was so bummed by the thought, that she almost missed the weirdness that started around eight o’clock, just as the sun was going down.
First William didn’t come back from his dinner break, although the fact that he’d taken not only a lunch break but a dinner break, too, was noteworthy in itself Jude came back and called the Greasy Fork to track him down, incensed that Value Video!! was missing fifteen minutes of quality morose manager time, and they told him that not only was William not there, but Pauline had gone AWOL, too. ‘He didn’t kidnap her and take her hostage, did he?’ Dreama asked, and Mare said, ‘For what? Extra ketchup on his fries?’ Then Algy called and asked to talk to Dreama, and when she hung up, she was pink-cheeked.
Mare said, ‘So?’
‘He’s coming to the nine-thirty show,’ Dreama said, blushing brighter.
‘That’s good,’ Mare said, starting to smile in spite of herself because Dreama looked so flustered. And why is that?’
‘He said he’d come if I’d sit with him,’ Dreama said. And I’m, like, off work then, so I can. He was really cute about it. Forceful, even.’
‘This is excellent,’ Mare said. ‘I think – Hey, you!’
Across the store, the boy who’d put his hand down his girlfriend’s blouse straightened up.
‘What were you thinking?’ Mare said. ‘The sun isn’t even down yet,’ and he sank back into his chair.
That was when she noticed everybody was sitting closer than usual.
‘You know, Algy is really cute,’ Dreama said, fluffing up her hair a little. ‘I told him to come early so we could like, talk.’
‘You did,’ Mare said, looking around.
Over on the love seat, Katie stuck her tongue in Brandon’s ear. Brandon almost passed out.
Jude caught her eye from the back of the store and motioned to her.
‘Stay here,’ she told Dreama. ‘Watch everybody. There’s something weird going on.’
‘Well, fix it,’ Dreama said.
Mare sighed. ‘I told you, I’m not-’
‘Yeah, but that’s crap,’ Dreama said. ‘I’ve been working with you for two years. I know what you do. I watch you talk to the people who come in here. I watch you walk down the street. People stare at you, but it’s not because of the weird stuff you wear, it’s because you know stuff, because you’re not afraid to say things, because you make a difference, you make things happen.’ She stepped closer. ‘You can catch DVDs, no hands. Pencils don’t fall on the floor when you’re around. I was right behind you when you found William, and we were clear across the storeroom, but you lifted him off that rope before we were even close. You saved him before we were close. You really are the Queen of the Universe. So I know you’re having a bad day, but snap out of it. Because we need you. Queens of the Universe do not get days off, so just suck it up and get back to work.’
Mare blinked at her, and Dreama stuck her chin in the air and went back to the counter.
Mare thought, Well, hot damn, Dreama, and then Jude called, ‘Mare, I’m ready to have that talk now,’ and she went to the back of the store and followed him into the storeroom, still stunned by Dreama and the backbone she’d grown while nobody was watching.
‘So, Mare,’ he said, when he’d closed the door.
‘So, Jude,’ Mare said. ‘I know Xan’s up to something because she damn near killed me this afternoon, and I know you’re part of it, so tell me everything right now and you’ll get to keep all your working parts.’
‘You were right, I do know your aunt,’ Jude said. ‘She told me all about you, she showed me your picture, she told me you worked in one of our stores, and Mare, I fell in love right there.’
Mare rolled her eyes. ‘No you didn’t. You’re the wrong guy. She probably put a spell on you or something. Now what’s her plan? We know the whole taking-the-powers bit, but exactly how is she-’
‘No, Mare,’ Jude said fervently. ‘You put a spell on me, I loved you from the moment I saw your picture, and I wanted you-’
He lunged for her, grabbing her arms, and she said, ‘Hey, watch my veil!’ and tripped backward into the shell behind her, knocking over the plastic bottles of orange popcorn oil, bouncing them onto the concrete floor and breaking one as Jude tried to slide his arms around her, aiming for her lips and kissing her cheek instead, his tongue flicking out at her ear.
‘God, no, stop it.’ Mare pushed him away, trying to keep her veil from ripping, but he grabbed again and got her breast this time, squeezing it as if he’d never felt one before, and she smacked at him with the flat of her hand, catching him on the nose so that he jerked back. Then she kneed him in the stomach and he slipped in the oil, and she lifted the broken oil bottle with her mind, and dumped the rest of the oil over him so that he slipped again and again on the floor. She looked around for something else and levitated the ripped beanbag chair, letting the pellets fall out to hover in the air in a blanket above him and then dropped them on him all at once so that he was covered in them while she smoothed out her blue tulle skirt.
She didn’t mind kicking a guy around, but she drew the line at screwing up her Corpse Bride dress.
‘For the last time,’ she said, shoving her veil back into place so she could see him better. ‘You’re an evil minion. You do not get the girl, you do not get laid, you do not get anything but humiliated.’ She shook her head at him, splayed on the concrete floor, covered in orange goo and white pellets. ‘Why anybody ever applies for the evil minion job is beyond me. Didn’t you see this coming?’