He looked from this to see Annie standing at the door alone. She raised an eyebrow at him and held up a bottle of case-latrine. He looked at Felicity. He turned, before he could stop himself, and followed Annie down the stairs.
*
In the Efican circus, voltige describes a broad series of acrobat acts performed from and around horses — voltige infernale, voltige Tcherkesse, voltige à la Richard etc. etc.
†
Invented by Spencer Q. Stokes to aid in training bare-back riders. A central post supports an arm like the jib of a crane from which the student is suspended.
12
Wally claimed to have been born ‘on the sawdust’, to have grown up in a circus family, to have been the ‘Human Ball’ from ages one till three.
When he first arrived at reform school he had still been able, so he said, to fit himself, together with twenty-four green soda bottles, inside a box measuring 24″ × 12″ × 12″. It was this which bent his back the way it was.
Furthermore, his father had been a contortionist so extraordinary that he had been able, whilst still alive, to sell his skeleton to medical science. He had travelled around Efica with a coffin already addressed James Hazzard, MD, Boulevard Raspail, Chemin Rouge, Efica.*
‘My old dab was a dreadful gambler,’ Wally said. ‘If it had not been for the need for money, he would never have done it — it was a shocking inconvenience to be always toting that coffin about.’
All his life Wally had been around the circus and the theatre. He had been a roustabout, a tent-staker, a stablehand, a farrier, a driver, a turnboy,† a carpenter, a production manager, but the truth was — this leap into the safety net was his first performance ever.
Now he wished he had never made it. He wished he had died instead.
He sat in Casualty and held his throbbing arm while the flesh swelled like yeast dough around the fracture.
He waited for the visitors he knew would arrive after curtain time at the Feu Follet. He waited with trepidation, embarrassment, imagining Bill Millefleur impersonating him to the people in the tower, repeating his speech, mimicking his accent, revealing all his very private feelings about my mother.
On a different night it might have turned out as he feared (some cruel things sometimes went on in that little tower), but Bill had other matters on his mind and the whole question of Wally’s motivation was overshadowed by the Zinebleu, which had noted the leap (‘inverse levitation’) and had seen it as setting the tone of the production — ‘the Smith forte — the Efican vernacular’.
So the hospital visitors, all actors, came to celebrate the review as much as to commiserate about the injury.
‘I was just testing the rig,’ he said. ‘Jeez.’
He sat on the plastic bench with a forbidden cancerette cupped in his palm, his arm resting across his thigh, and listened while the review was, once again, read out to him. To have his performance admired by actors was worth anything to Wally.
‘Bill was a bit worried,’ he said. ‘I just tested it is all.’
His veined face flushed and his ears burned red with pleasure. He sat on the plastic bench, his cancerette hidden in his palm, and listened to repeated readings of the review. It was not until the sixth recitation that he noticed the mention of the ‘Witch’s homunculus’.
‘What’s a homunculus, for Christ’s sake?’
‘A foetus,’ Moey said.
‘A baby,’ Claire said. ‘It means a baby.’
‘The Witch doesn’t have a baby.’
‘Felicity does,’ Claire said. ‘You both made your début the same night.’
‘Jeez,’ said Wally. ‘Hope it looks like Bill.’ He winked at Moey. ‘Hope it doesn’t look like you.’
‘It’s a boy,’ Claire said.
‘How is it?’ he asked Moey. ‘Who does he look like?’
‘He’s got very intelligent eyes.’
Wally registered the tone. They were like actors talking about a performance they hated. They would never call another actor a ringhard. They’d say, oh, I loved your business with the tea towel.
‘What does he look like?’ he asked Claire Chen.
Claire fiddled with her big silver death’s-head rings and told him Flick’s baby was amazing.
Wally stared at her with his still grey eyes until she said it was time for her to go and lock up the theatre, and Moey said he’d better walk with her across the park. When they said goodbye they looked mournful and depressed. They gave the review to Wally — just a scrap of paper — but it was the first time he and I were linked together. I found it among his papers when we were leaving Efica, just before his death. It was folded inside his driver’s licence — as dry and fragile as something from a flower press.
At one o’clock in the morning Wally was alone in Casualty waiting for the results of his X-ray. He knew something was very wrong with me. His arm was throbbing. His leap now seemed no more than a vulgar joke, a raspberry in the face of fate. There was something wrong and he knew he had to be with my maman.
He tried to go to her. They would not let him. In Saarlim you could have walked right out the door, but this was Efica — more humane, more bureaucratic — there were forms to sign, the forms were missing, and thus it was nearly three in the morning when he walked out the door, with his unset arm held in a Lasto-net, and that was how he was — with that knobby white material on his arm and that slight ammonia smell-when he first held me.
The lights were all out except an Anglepoise on the floor beside the bed. Felicity was asleep on her back in a long white T-shirt, her hair spread out on the pillow, snoring ever so softly, and Tristan Smith was placed between her legs.
Wally approached me with his neck craned, squinting, his lips compressed in a pale grimace.
He saw — loose-skinned puppy — marsupial not ready to leave its mother’s pouch — skin folds, wide staring eyes.
‘You poor guy,’ he whispered. ‘You poor little guy.’
Felicity, in her sleep, put her hand across her mouth and moaned.
‘Flick?’
Her lips were dry and cracked. She made a small whistling snore.
Wally leaned over and managed to scoop me up with his good arm. He held me against his shirt, one-handed.
‘It’s OK,’ he said. ‘I’m here now.’
He sat on the edge of the bed. Felicity listened to him. She heard him sniffling.
‘They mean well, mo-rikiki,’* Wally said, ‘but they don’t know anything.’ He held my puppy-skin against his old veined face.
Felicity began to sob. Wally knelt on the bed and, jerkily, panicking, tried to return me to my resting place.
‘No, no,’ she said. ‘Hold him, hold him.’
‘I’m really sorry.’
‘Hold his head, hold his head.’
‘Flick … I’m sorry.’
‘No, no.’ She was rubbing her running nose with the sleeve of her T-shirt, but her whole beautiful face was wrung like a rag.
‘I’m just an ignorant old violiniste. I should shut my mouth.’
‘They rose to it, they really did. I was proud of them.’
‘I’m putting him in his crib. He’ll be happier there.’
‘Do you know about babies, Wally?’
‘Oh Flick,’ Wally said, as he laid me on my back in the crib and tucked a sheet around me as smooth and tight as any matron at the Mater. ‘I’m just an old pea and thimble man.’
And then Felicity was crying again. This was the first time she let herself really cry in company. Bill was downstairs in bed with Annie. Vincent was at home with his wife. It was Wally who came to hold her. My second night on earth was the only time he ever held my mother’s body.