lake in the center, the edges blurry as dreams go. Just me on the
white ground watching the water.
This time the same white arms aren’t reaching for the surface as
on the day of the storm. This time it’s Layla. Her head breaks the
surface, gasping for air before something pulls her back down. I feel
everything at once-the sun on my back, fear in my veins, the pit of my
stomach falling, because the ground feels like quicksand and I can’t
move. She opens her mouth to scream, but she gets sucked beneath the
surface.
I take a moment and breathe in deeply, closing my eyes against the
dark gray sky. I don’t know what I was expecting. Maybe for the school
to look different, because now I’m different. Like all of a sudden
everyone else is going to change just to match me, a big, freaking
under-the-sea world right in front of me. And I wonder how many other
people are changing just like me, well minus the fins part, but
keeping it to themselves.
My body aches from lack of sleep. There was no way I could fall
asleep again after that dream about Layla. Drowning. And I didn’t do
anything to stop it.
Maybe it’s because there are only a handful of days till the end
of school. Maybe it’s the weather. Whatever it is, the groups of
students waiting for the first bell to ring are pretty thin. A group
of girls walks past me. I don’t know what they’re doing with those
bikini straps playing peekaboo from under their T-shirts, but I don’t
really mind. They walk a little slower past me and Kurt and smile
their lip-glossed smiles. They smell like whatever perfume they doused
themselves with this morning, and underneath that somewhere they smell
like the freshness that comes with having zero to worry about.
“Is there a cut day that no one told me about?” Ryan climbs the
steps in twos to get to us.
“I don’t think so,” I say, even though he’s not paying any
attention to me, because he walks past me and stands directly in front
of Thalia. She’s wearing a powder-pink ballerina tulle skirt and a
white T-shirt with sequins on it. She has on these purple stockings on
that got caught on something somewhere between leaving the house and
standing here, because there’s a tiny run on the knee. It doesn’t look
bad on her, though. I think she could wear a paper bag and still be
able to pull it off. Her slightly green hair shines, even in the
overcast light. She sure as hell spends enough time brushing it.
Ryan looks like he’s standing in front of a goddess. I wouldn’t be
surprised if he fell to his knees right now and asked her to marry
him. The two of them smile like lunatics. Part of me wants to warn
him. Part of me is glad that he gets to feel this way, even if just
for a little while. The rest of me is just jealous.
The bell rings, and when I breathe deeply, I know it’s Layla. I
don’t need a sixth sense to describe the way she smells today, like
sunshine on this terribly cloudy day. I hesitate in turning around,
but when I do, I only catch the tip of her swaying ponytail.
•••
I keep in mind what Kurt said about Ms. Pippen. Today she wears an
electric-blue dress that fits every single curve. It comes down to the
knee, and it has sleeves and all, but man, I can’t stop looking at
her. There is no way that Kurt is right about her being like a
psychic. I think I start to get an erection when she says, “Tristan,
you’re supposed to start us off today, if my memory serves me right.”
And I wave good-bye to Mr. Happy.
She makes the motion of opening a book. So I flip open the
Greatest Poems by the Greatest Poets anthology to any page and sigh.
“The Young Man’s Song.”
“Yeats,” she says, giddy. There’s surprise in her eyes, and she
leans forward, legs crossed, showing off her smooth calves. Her heels
are yellow like sunflowers. I whispered, “I am too young,” And then,
“I am old enough”; Wherefore I threw a penny-
Thankfully, a voice crackles through the speaker. The feedback
pierces my eardrums like needles. A shy voice clears its throat.
“Sorry about that-microphone-I mean-Will the members of the swim
team-varsity, that is-please report to the pool? Oh, at Coach
Bellini’s behest. I mean, request. Bye now.”
I catch Ms. Pippen watching me from the perch of her desk. For
just a moment, I think something passes in her eyes. What if Kurt is
right? Of course he’s right, isn’t he? Then I realize it’s just light
coming from the window, beaming down on her-a stray bit of sun that
breaks through the cover of clouds and halos her.
“Curious,” she says. “Very well, off goes the swim team-” and we
do. I motion for Kurt and Thalia to follow me, but Ryan’s already got
hold of Thalia’s hand. On the way down to the pool we meet up with the
guys, who hoot and holler over being set free from their classes.
I keep my eyes on the back of Layla’s head. She doesn’t even turn
around to look at me. There is nothing like the silent treatment from
the only girl you want to talk to.
Kurt grabs me by the elbow just outside the entrance to the pool.
Bertie slides between us, and his sneakers squeak and echo against the
cold tiles.
“Remember…” The stern violet eyes watch me steadily. “You will
want to shift the moment you’re in the water. Don’t do it.”
“Kurt?”
“Yes?”
“ Obviously. ”
We’re the last ones to sit on the bleachers, since I couldn’t find
a proper practice Speedo for Kurt.
“Thanks for joining us, Hart. Hart’s cousin.”
Thalia pulls at the strap of her bathing suit and makes a face.
“It itches my shoulders. Layla gave it to me.”
My heart feels like a Hacky Sack in use when she says Layla’s
name.
“Now, listen here,” Coach says. He hooks his thumb on the loop of
his jeans and stands like the Vietnam navy vet he is. “I don’t want no
funny business out there. This isn’t synchronized swimming. It’s a
goddamn race. We still got ourselves an important meet, and while
schoolwork is important, you can make it up tomorrow. The meet cannot
be postponed.”
The team cheers. Ryan leans close to me and whispers, “Yeah, I’d
like him to try to explain that one to my mom.”
Coach blows his whistle. Everyone lines up for basic diving
drills. Since Kurt and I were last in and last to get ready, we’re at
the back of the line. “So if the calamari tattoo works, then why the
worries?”
Kurt frowns at me. “It’s an ancient and sacred cephalopod, not
calamari. I’m simply advising you in case you get an urge.”
The only urge I have right now is to punch him in his gut, if my
hand wouldn’t break on his stomach. I catch Layla looking over at us
before taking a dive. She breaks clean through the water, her hair
wrapped into a tight bun.
“She’s got a fantastic stroke,” Kurt says, his eyes following her
across the length of the pool.
“The line’s moving.” I push him along.
“Good form, Santos,” Coach yells.
Maddy goes, then Thalia, then Ryan and the others.
I let Kurt go first, mostly because I’m curious to see him swim,
but also because my stomach is in knots. This is the first time in a
week that I’ll be getting back in the water. The faster the practice
ends, the sooner I’ll have to get to the boardwalk. Then I’ll be on
some ship on the way to some island inhabited by others like me. Or
unlike me, if I’m the only truly half-human merman.
At the edge of the pool, Kurt shuts his eyes briefly, as though