“I’m here, Ellen.” Val’s arms settled back around her, and he waited until she was again tucked against his chest. “I’m listening.”
“My babies,” Ellen said in soft, heartbroken tones. “Val, I killed my babies.”
“You did not kill your children, Ellen.” Val stroked a hand down over her hair, gently disentangling the flowers she’d woven into her bun earlier. “You will never convince me otherwise. You would never knowingly bring harm to any living thing in your care.” She went still against him, utterly, unbreathingly still. “Love?”
“Oh, Valentine.” She let out her breath. “I do love you. For those few words alone, I love you. Your faith in me warms my soul and brings light to places condemned to shadow. But you’re wrong.”
“I am not, but tell me why you think otherwise.”
“I conceived three times,” Ellen said slowly. “Each time, the child did not live to draw breath.”
“Many women cannot complete their pregnancies,” Val pointed out, his fingers now working on the chignon itself. “It isn’t your fault you miscarried.”
Ellen shook her head. “I did not miscarry. I aborted those babies, Valentine. My actions were what caused those pregnancies to end.”
“You loved your husband. You wanted to give him children, and you loved those children, Ellen. Knowing you, I believe you loved them before they were born.” He pressed his cheek to her temple and knew an urge to take her inside his body, to envelope her with the physical protection of his larger, stronger form.
“I did love them, husband and children both.” Ellen stopped and drew in an unsteady breath. “I could not protect my children. I did not carry easily and suffered endless upsets of digestion. With every pregnancy, even before my menses were late, I was unable to keep my meals down. Francis was distraught, but everybody said it would pass quickly. It never did.”
“You still did not cause those pregnancies to end.”
“My love…” She used the endearment for the first time, though Val had never heard anything so sad. “You are wrong. To treat my upset digestion, I drank teas and tisanes by the gallon. I found one Freddy offered me to be the most soothing and the one that stayed down the best. He was so solicitous, and Francis was pleased to see it, as Freddy was not the most promising young man in other regards. I was grateful for the relief, but then I would lose the child. Three times this happened, the last time just a few weeks before Francis came to grief.”
Three miscarriages in five years, followed by the death of her husband? Val wanted to howl with the unfairness of it, to shake his fist at God and take a few swings at Francis.
“You needed time to heal.” Val began teasing her braid from its coil at her nape. “You should have been given more time to recover.”
“I didn’t want time to recover,” Ellen wailed. “I wanted to provide my husband with his heir, and he accommodated my wishes reluctantly, as it was the only thing I asked of him, and I asked it incessantly.”
“So where in all this very sad tale do you accuse yourself of not caring for your children, Ellen?” Val drew his hand down the thick length of her braid in slow, soothing sweeps. “You were young, and God’s will prevailed.”
“Not God’s will, Val,” Ellen said tiredly. “Freddy’s. That lovely, comforting tea he brought me, the only one that quieted my digestion? It was mostly pennyroyal, though he told me it was a blend of spearmint, and I did not know any better.”
“Pennyroyal?” Val’s memory stirred, but nothing clear came to mind. “Ah, the little plant you tossed aside. You were not happy to see it.”
“Pennyroyal will bring on menses. Ask any midwife or physician. It is an ancient remedy for the unwanted pregnancy, but in a tea or tisane, particularly if it’s mixed with other ingredients, it tastes like spearmint. I eagerly swilled the poison that killed all three of my babies, Val, and it’s my fault they died.”
“But you didn’t know. Freddy should be brought to account for this, and it is not your fault.”
“It is my fault,” Ellen rejoined. “Early in my marriage, Freddy approached me and suggested he and I might be allies of a sort. He was just a boy then, a gangly, spotty, lonely boy, and I found his overture endearing. It soon became clear he wasn’t a nice boy. We had trouble keeping maids when he was visiting in the summers, and then when he was sixteen, he came to live with us.”
“He’s a bully and a sneak and a thoroughgoing scoundrel.”
“He suggested I might want to share my pin money with him,” Ellen went on, “but I’d overheard the footmen discussing Freddy’s gambling losses, and since he was still only a boy, I did not think it wise to indulge him.”
“And you were right.”
“And I was a fool,” Ellen retorted bitterly. “Freddy exploded when I refused him; that’s the only word I can use. His reason came undone, and he said awful things. I had not said anything to Francis about Freddy trying to borrow from me, because I didn’t want Freddy to suffer in his cousin’s esteem. But when Freddy lost his temper like that, I had the first inkling I should have been afraid of him.”
“He would have been only a youth. Francis would have dealt with him sternly.”
“Francis wanted to see only the best in Freddy. That cranky, sullen, lazy, manipulative boy was Francis’s heir and the only other member of Francis’s family. I did not want to destroy Francis’s respect for him altogether.”
“So you made an enemy,” Val concluded. “One willing to stoop to sneaking and poison to get what he wanted.”
“Exactly, and Freddy could be so charming, so convincing in his apologies. When he came bearing tea and sympathy to my sick room, offering to play a hand of cards or read to me, I was touched and tried to forget his terrible tantrum. I should have known better.”
“When did you learn the truth?” Val asked, now drawing his fingers through Ellen’s unbound hair, even as he vowed to kill Freddy by poison and make sure the whelp of Satan knew exactly how he was dying and why.
“After Francis’s funeral,” Ellen said, her voice taking on a detached quality, as if the words themselves hurt her, “the solicitors read the will, and Freddy maintained his composure beautifully, until he and I were left alone in the formal parlor at Roxbury Hall. Then he had another tantrum, quite as impressive as the first.”
“Let me see if I can figure this,” Val said, wanting to spare her the rest of the recitation. “Francis had cut him out of the will, more or less, or at least until he was thirty, but you were well provided for. Freddy told you he would be collecting all your income, lest he reveal you had terminated your pregnancies on purpose, and ruin you socially.”
“He did better than that.” Ellen paused and lifted her arms from Val’s waist to his neck. “He told me my willful behavior—for he would confess I had begged him to procure me that tea, and he just a lad who didn’t know any better—amounted to a serious crime, and if I couldn’t be convicted for that, he’d demonstrate that a woman who would kill three babies might also kill their father.”
“God above. I should have killed the little shite when I had the chance.”
“You are not a murderer,” Ellen said firmly. “Freddy is, and a murderer of innocents, Val.”
“You are not a murderer, either,” Val said, tightening his embrace.
“Nonetheless, I can be very convincingly accused of murder… of my unborn children’s murder, of my husband’s.”
Through the haze of rage and protectiveness clouding his brain, Val tried to remember what he’d read of law. “Firstly, your children weren’t born, so they could not be murdered, not under civil law as I recall it. Secondly, you’ve been investigated regarding your husband’s death and found innocent.”