“She wanted to see me win,” Colin shot back, rewarding his brother with a sickly stretch of a smile.
Anthony resisted the urge to throttle him. Barely. “And how do you know you’re going to win?”
Colin waved the black mallet before him. “I already have.”
“Good day, all,” Penelope said, ambling down to the gathering.
“No cheering,” Anthony warned her.
Penelope blinked in confusion. “I beg your pardon?”
“And under no circumstances,” he continued, because really, someone had to make sure the game retained some integrity, “may you come within ten paces of your husband.”
Penelope looked at Colin, bobbed her head nine times as she estimated the steps between them, and took a step back.
“There will be no cheating,” Anthony warned.
“At least no new types of cheating,” Simon added. “Previously established cheating techniques are permissible.”
“May I speak with my husband during the course of play?” Penelope inquired mildly.
“No!” A resounding chorus, three voices strong.
“You’ll notice,” Simon said to her, “that I made no objection.”
“As I said,” Daphne said, brushing by him on her way to inspect a wicket, “you were not born of this family.”
“Where is Edwina?” Colin asked briskly, squinting up toward the house.
“She’ll be down shortly,” Kate replied. “She was finishing breakfast.”
“She is delaying the play.”
Kate turned to Daphne. “My sister does not share our devotion to the game.”
“She thinks we’re all mad?” Daphne asked.
“Quite.”
“Well, she is sweet to come down every year,” Daphne said.
“It’s tradition,” Anthony barked. He’d managed to get hold of the orange mallet and was swinging it against an imaginary ball, narrowing his eyes as he rehearsed his aim.
“He hasn’t been practicing the course, has he?” Colin demanded.
“How could he?” Simon asked. “He only just set it up this morning. We all watched him.”
Colin ignored him and turned to Kate. “Has he made any strange nocturnal disappearances recently?”
She gaped at him. “You think he’s been sneaking out to play Pall Mall by the light of the moon?”
“I wouldn’t put it past him,” Colin grumbled.
“Neither would I,” Kate replied, “but I assure you, he has been sleeping in his own bed.”
“It’s not a matter of beds,” Colin informed her. “It’s a matter of competition.”
“This can’t be an appropriate conversation in front of a lady,” Simon said, but it was clear he was enjoying himself.
Anthony shot Colin an irritated look, then sent one in Simon’s direction for good measure. The conversation was growing ludicrous, and it was well past time they began the match. “Where is Edwina?” he demanded.
“I see her coming down the hill,” Kate replied.
He looked up to see Edwina Bagwell, Kate’s younger sister, trudging down the slope. She’d never been much for outdoor pursuits, and he could well imagine her sighing and rolling her eyes.
“Pink for me this year,” Daphne declared, plucking one of the remaining mallets from the stack. “I am feeling feminine and delicate.” She gave her brothers an arch look. “Deceptively so.”
Simon reached behind her and selected the yellow mallet. “Blue for Edwina, of course.”
“Edwina always gets blue,” Kate said to Penelope.
“Why?”
Kate paused. “I don’t know.”
“What about purple?” Penelope asked.
“Oh, we never use that.”
“Why?”
Kate paused again. “I don’t know.”
“Tradition,” Anthony put in.
“Then why do the rest of you switch colors every year?” Penelope persisted.
Anthony turned to his brother. “Does she always ask so many questions?”
“Always.”
He turned back to Penelope and said, “We like it this way.”
“I’m here!” Edwina called out cheerfully as she approached the rest of the players. “Oh, blue again. How thoughtful.” She picked up her equipment, then turned to Anthony. “Shall we play?”
He gave a nod, then turned to Simon. “You’re first, Hastings.”
“As always,” he murmured, and he dropped his ball into the starting position. “Stand back,” he warned, even though no one was within swinging distance. He drew his mallet back and then brought it forward with a magnificent crack. The ball went sailing across the lawn, straight and true, landing mere yards from the next wicket.
“Oh, well done!” Penelope cheered, clapping her hands.
“I said no cheering,” Anthony grumbled. Couldn’t anyone follow instructions these days?
“Even for Simon?” Penelope returned. “I thought it was just Colin.”
Anthony set his ball down carefully. “It’s distracting.”
“As if the rest of us aren’t distracting,” Colin commented. “Cheer away, darling.”
But she held silent as Anthony took aim. His swing was even more powerful than the duke’s, and his ball rolled even farther.
“Hmmm, bad luck there,” Kate said.
Anthony turned on her suspiciously. “What do you mean? It was a brilliant swing.”
“Well, yes, but-”
“Out of my way,” Colin ordered, marching to the starting position.
Anthony locked eyes with his wife. “What do you mean?”
“Nothing,” she said offhandedly, “just that it’s a trifle muddy right there.”
“Muddy?” Anthony looked toward his ball, then back to his wife, then back to the ball. “It hasn’t rained for days.”
“Hmmm, no.”
He looked back to his wife. His maddening, diabolical, and soon-to-be-locked-in-a-dungeon wife. “How did it get muddy?”
“Well, perhaps not muddy…”
“Not muddy,” he repeated, with far more patience than she deserved.
“Puddle-ish might be more appropriate.”
Words failed him.
“Puddly?” She scrunched her face a touch. “How does one make an adjective out of a puddle?”
He took a step in her direction. She darted behind Daphne.
“What is happening?” Daphne asked, twisting about.
Kate poked her head out and smiled triumphantly. “I do believe he’s going to kill me.”
“With so many witnesses?” Simon asked.
“How,” Anthony demanded, “did a puddle form in the midst of the driest spring of my recollection?”
Kate shot him another one of her annoying grins. “I spilled my tea.”
“An entire puddle’s worth?”
She shrugged. “I was cold.”
“Cold.”
“And thirsty.”
“And apparently clumsy, as well,” Simon put in.
Anthony glared at him.
“Well, if you are going to kill her,” Simon said, “would you mind waiting until my wife is out from between you?” He turned to Kate. “How did you know where to put the puddle?”
“He’s very predictable,” she replied.
Anthony stretched out his fingers and measured her throat.
“Every year,” she said, smiling straight at him. “You always put the first wicket in the same place, and you always hit the ball precisely the same way.”
Colin chose that moment to return. “Your play, Kate.”
She darted out from behind Daphne and scooted toward the starting pole. “All’s fair, dear husband,” she called out gaily. And then she bent forward, aimed, and sent the green ball flying.
Straight into the puddle.
Anthony sighed happily. There was justice in this world, after all.
Thirty minutes later Kate was waiting by her ball near the third wicket.
“Pity about the mud,” Colin said, strolling past.
She glared at him.
Daphne passed by a moment later. “You’ve a bit in…” She motioned to her hair. “Yes, there,” she added, when Kate brushed furiously against her temple. “Although there is a bit more, well…” She cleared her throat. “Er, everywhere.”