“I wonder what it really feels like,” he said.
Then he slashed his throat.
47
It was late evening before Frost made it across the city to Tabby’s hospital room near Golden Gate Park. His entire family was there. Duane sat by her bedside, holding her hand. His parents hovered near the door. Tabby lay propped in bed, her shoulder bandaged and her arm in a sling, and she was hooked to a morphine drip. Even so, she looked alert, not groggy.
Seeing him, Duane leaped to his feet.
“There he is! There’s the hero!”
His brother, who was several inches shorter than Frost, grabbed him and practically lifted him off the ground. Frost reacted a little stiffly. He’d been getting a lot of attention all day from his colleagues in the police and from the San Francisco media, and he didn’t like it.
Duane whispered in his ear. His brother was the emotional one of the pair, and Frost could hear a catch in Duane’s voice. “You don’t know what this means to me, bro. You saved her. I can’t even tell you what I would have done if something had happened to that girl.”
Frost responded with a half smile. “I know.”
Duane steered him to Tabby’s bedside and shook his shoulders so hard that Frost felt dizzy. “Is this guy amazing?” Duane bellowed in what was definitely not a hospital voice. “Amazing!”
Tabby stared at him from behind those green eyes of hers. “Yes, he is.”
Her face had a postsurgery paleness. Her red hair was limp. When she shifted in bed, he could see a grimace of pain. It distressed him to see her that way and to know he’d put her there. Even if he’d had no choice.
“Cutter?” Tabby asked him softly.
“He died in the ambulance,” Frost said.
She blinked. She didn’t seem to know how to take the news. There was no happiness in her expression and not even any satisfaction that the horror was finally over. He knew how she felt, because he’d felt the same way all day. He took no joy in watching anyone else die. Too many others had already been lost, and they weren’t coming back. Cutter’s death didn’t repair what he’d done.
Frost’s mother didn’t share their reluctance to pass judgment. “Good riddance. I hope he’s in hell.”
“Janice, you’re still talking about another human being,” Ned Easton murmured. It was his father’s humanist streak, his willingness to allow mercy for evil, that had been a partial cause of his parents’ breakup. They had never seen eye to eye about that.
“Barely,” his mother snapped. “I’m not going to apologize. That piece of filth killed my daughter. If it hadn’t been for Frost, he would have killed Tabby, too. I’m glad he’s gone.”
Frost let his parents argue through their emotions. He stared down at Tabby, and Tabby stared uncomfortably back at him. Her attitude puzzled him, although he knew he’d put a bullet in her body. If he’d missed by even a little, she’d be dead. There was a lot he needed to say to her about the last few days, but this wasn’t the time or place.
Duane pulled a chair from the wall. His long black hair was loose. “Come on, bro, sit, stay with us a while.”
“Oh, no, thanks, I can’t. I should get home. I don’t want Shack freaking out because I’ve been gone so much. I just wanted to make sure Tabby was okay.”
“I’m going to be fine, Frost,” Tabby murmured. “Don’t worry about me.”
“Good.”
Duane winked at her. “Should I tell him the news? Or do you want to?”
Frost looked back and forth between them. “News?”
“Let’s not do this now, Duane,” Tabby suggested. “Please. Frost said he needs to go. It’s been a stressful day for everyone.”
“No, no, it’s the perfect time!” Duane replied. “Mom and Dad are here. It’s the whole family! We should be talking about good news for a change after everything that’s happened.”
“Don’t keep me in suspense,” Frost said.
Duane grabbed Tabby’s hand again. He looked as giddy as Frost had ever seen him. “We’re getting married!”
Frost felt speechless. It was a terrible time to be speechless. A flush rose in Tabby’s cheeks, and Duane bent over and kissed her forehead. Frost tried to come up with something to say and finally said, “Oh, wow.”
An exceptional comeback.
“When I thought about how close I came to losing her,” Duane went on, “it made everything so damn clear. I love this girl. So when Mom and Dad got here, I got down on one knee. I wanted them to see it, too. I know they never thought they’d see the day, but they brought us together. The whole thing is fate. I never much believed in fate, but I do now.”
Fate.
Yes, Frost knew exactly what he thought about fate.
“Isn’t it wonderful, Frost?” his mother asked from across the room.
“Wonderful,” he told both of them. “It’s great. Really.”
“Get a tux, best man,” his brother told him. “And get one for Shack, too.”
“Shack’s tux comes prefitted,” Frost reminded him.
Duane thought about it and laughed. “You’re right! Now, that’s funny. See? Fate.”
Frost tried to read Tabby’s face, but she made it difficult by looking out the window instead of at him.
“I hate to celebrate and run,” Frost said, “but I really do need to get home.”
“Sure, sure, will we see you tomorrow?” Duane asked.
“Of course.”
Duane grabbed him for another hug. “Thanks again, bro. You’re the best.”
Frost squeezed his brother’s shoulder without saying anything more. He wanted to get out of there as fast as he could. He hugged his mother, who responded awkwardly in her usual way, and then he headed for the door. His father went with him. Ned put an arm around his shoulder as they walked to the elevator.
“Janice and I are heading back to Arizona tomorrow,” Ned said.
“It was good seeing you, Dad. Despite the circumstances.”
“I know it’s torture for you to leave San Francisco, but it would be nice to have you come visit us.”
“I will.”
“Come for Christmas,” Ned suggested. “We already talked to Duane and Tabby about coming down for the holidays. We’ve got the room. It would be nice to have the family together.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Frost replied, which was the Easton family way of making no promises.
The elevator door opened, but his father stopped him before he could get on. The door slid closed again with the two of them standing outside. It took Ned a minute to get out the words.
“I was wondering, did you find out anything more about Katie?” Ned asked. “I mean, before Cutter died?”
Frost had been expecting the question. He wished he had an answer for him. If there was one thing he’d wanted from Cutter, it was the truth about Katie, but Cutter had never regained consciousness. The secret died with him. Frost felt robbed of the opportunity to stare into the man’s eyes and ask him why.
“I’m sorry. No, I didn’t. He wasn’t able to tell me a thing.”
“She doesn’t really fit like the others, does she?” his father asked.
“No, she doesn’t.”
Ned shook his head in confusion. “I guess all we can do is live with it, but it still feels like a mystery. I hate that.”
“I know it does, Dad,” Frost replied, “and I hate it, too. But not every mystery gets solved.”
Frost went from the hospital back to Ocean Beach, and he stayed there for two more hours in silence, watching the waves. His phone was off. He didn’t want to talk to anyone. The rain had ended, but the winds remained strong, keeping the surf angry and high. It didn’t matter that Cutter was dead. It didn’t matter that the case was over. He had a sense of unfinished business, but the ocean had no answers for him.