The Walrus and the Warwolf

A lean, pale man. Ish Ulpin!

'Come along, darling,' said Ish Ulpin. 'We're going to introduce you to the captain. He might like a nice young boy like you.'

So Drake was led along the deck of the Walrus. And an evil barque she was, too, a stinking tub of reeks and rats, with decks near as dirty as her bilges. Drake, however, had no time for detailed inspection, for he was shortly confronted with her captain, one Slagger Mulps. This man was knicknamed'the Walrus' – hence the name of his ship.A weird sight he was.

Slagger Mulps was very tall and very thin, and had a very long very sharp nose. But what first impressed was his beard and his hair, both of which were green.

'On your knees!' said Ish Ulpin, 'for you stand in the presence of our great captain, Slagger Mulps, the Walrus himself.'

Drake held his ground. Ish Ulpin drove hard, bony thumbs into pressure points in Drake's shoulders, forcing him down to his knees.'Who are you?' said Slagger Mulps.

His eyes, like his hair, were green – like those of the wizard Miphon. His arms were long, dangling right down to his knees. He had, Drake saw, two thumbs and three fingers on each hand.

'If you want me to talk,' said Drake, 'first find a human being for me to talk to.'Drake Douay had made a big mistake. He had said the worst of all possible things. For the Walrus was acutely conscious of his strangeness.

He had led the worst of childhoods imaginable – teased, bullied and rejected on account of his green hair and his multiple thumbs. The experience had marked him for life.

The Walrus stared at Drake, envying his perfect conformity (height apart) to the human norm.

T,' said the Walrus, 'am human. What's more, I'm likely the man who will kill you.'

'Lucky you don't have a mirror,' said Drake, 'or you'd likely kill yourself.'

The Walrus, who had seen himself mirrored in glass, metal and water often enough, was overcome with fury. Raising his voice, he shouted:'Who wants to play with this thing before I kill it?'T do,' said a rough, gruff voice.

And forward stepped a barrel-chested hairy brute in bloodstained sealskins, his coarse-featured face surrounded by shaggy black hair and a great big black beard. It was Andranovory.The Walrus immediately regretted having spoken.

Andranovory was the worst of his men – a drunken, murderous, argumentative bully, an untrustworthy sadist hated by at least half the crew. In the past, he had treated prisoners in ways which gave Mulps nightmares.

'There are others more worthy,' said the Walrus. T give the pleasure of playing with this – with this thing to Ish Ulpin.'

'And I,' said Ish Ulpin, 'yield that pleasure to my shipmate, Andranovory,'

That personage grinned at Drake, showing broken rot-brown teeth.

'Atsimo Andranovory,' he said, introducing himself. 'I believe we've met.''Oh, I don't think we have,' said Drake.

'You don't remember me?' said Andranovory. 'Well, you'll remember me hereafter. Give me a suck!'

And the raptor exposed his weapon to the cool sea breeze. His knob was crusted with festering sores.'Suck!' said Andranovory.

T'llnot playwoman,' said Drake, in a voice shaking with tension.

Mulps sympathized with the boy who did not want to play woman – not, at least, with so many men watching.

'Lazy little bugger!' said Andranovory, giving him an idle slap. 'But we can cure that. String him up by the ankles till he learns when he's well off.'

While Mulps did not approve of such tortures, he could scarcely intervene. If his crew ever learned the true nature of his sensitive, infinitely tender soul, they would surely lose faith in him as a captain. Mulps was aware that he was not much of a sailor, or much of a fighter, either – it was his thrift and financial acumen, more than anything, which had brought him control of the ship.

So Mulps could only stand back and watch helplessly as Ish Uplin and Bucks Cat, obedient to Andranovory's commands, tied Drake's hands behind his back then tied a rope to his ankles. The rope was slung over a yard-arm.

Drake lay on the hard deck, staring up at the blue sky. All around were unfriendly faces. He wished he had not given Andranovory those duff directions on the dockside of Cam, more than half a year ago. But, at the time, it had seemed such an innocent little trick.'Mike!' yelled Ish Ulpin. 'Come help us haul a rope!'

And something far too large to be human came trundling along the deck. It was twice the height of any man. It was as wide in the shoulders as a man's outstretched arms. It had no ears: only holes in the side of its head where ears should be.It was Whale Mike.

'Oh, you,' said Whale Mike, looking down at Drake in surprise.

'Yes, me,' said Drake, staring up at the yellow-faced monster.'What you down there for?' said Whale Mike.

'Because that toad-raping Atsimo Andranovory wants a suck,' said Drake. 'And I'll tell you this – he's not getting one from me!'

'Then you ask Walrus help you,' said Whale Mike. 'He our captain. He good joker.'

'Our young friend here isn't exactly Slagger Mulps' favourite person,' said Ish Ulpin. 'He more or less said our beautiful green-haired captain wasn't human.''Oh, that not very nice,' said Whale Mike.

And pulled on the rope which ran up from Drake's feet and over the yard-arm. Drake was lifted clear of the deck. His hair flopped down. Blood rushed to his head.'Heave ho!' said Bucks Cat.

And gave Drake a push which sent him swinging across the deck and out over the sea. He spun. He had a dizzy, giddy view of surging blue sea and dazzling sun. Then he was swinging back to where he had started from. Ish Ulpin was there to meet him. With a fist.

'That enough!' said Whale Mike, 'You stop. This my friend!'

'Oh, man,' said Bucks Cat, slapping Drake on the back. 'You're in luck! Whale Mike's your friend!' And he hooted with laughter.

It was such a good joke that even Ish Ulpin laughed. But Andranovory simply looked at Drake and said:'If you get off this rope alive, I'll be waiting for you.'

Drake, hanging upside down, dizzy, sore, sick, found it impossible to come up with a smart reply.

Whale Mike hauled Drake higher until their heads were level. Drake was well over twice his own height from the deck. A long way to fall. A lethal fall, if he landed on his head. Mike took a turn of rope around his fist, as if he meant to hold Drake there for some time.

'Great view,' said Drake, starting to sway with the motion of the swells that rocked the ship.

But all he could see at that moment was Whale Mike's swollen sallow yellow face and tiny imbecilic eyes. Mike hooked a couple of fingers into Drake's collar to stop him swaying.'We no meet long time,' said Mike. 'Too right,' said Drake.

'You do good swim,' said Mike. 'You smart joker. Tough, eh? If not tough, then drown. You make good pirate maybe.'

'Yeah, sure,' said Drake. 'Cut me down then I'll prove just how good.'

'Not that easy, my friend. First you make An'vory happy. You suck, that not hurt you any. Then maybe some joker rough you up, but I make sure it not go too far. I say good word for you to Walrus. He not bad joker. He okay.'

'No deal,' said Drake. 'I won't suck any filthy pirate cock. I'd rather die.'

'That not so smart,' said Whale Mike. 'Not much good being you when you dead. That not so? You take care An'vory, I take care you. You say nice things to Walrus, then he happy, you happy. You my friend.'