She sung loudly, bopping her head along with the tune. And if you didn’t understand what it was about, I guess you would think she was crazy.
“Your love is a pill,
It’s bitter and still.
I’ll take it,
I’ll swallow it.
I’m addicted to you,
Addicted to you.”
She understood. She knew.
Her grin stretched to my face as the door closed, and Denis dragged me down the hall.
I would save her. If I could do nothing else, I had to find the rest of those pills.
“Let me go!” I snapped.
Denis still had a hold of my collar, my dress now barely covering my upper body. He suddenly dropped me, and I fell into the wall. He reached out to grab me, but I slapped his hand away.
“Don’t touch me,” I said, backing away from him and rubbing my sore, scratched neck.
His eyes were severe, dipped in rage. He stepped towards me quickly and slapped my face hard. The breath was knocked from my mouth. The sting instantly radiated over my whole head.
“Don’t ever speak to me like that. And when I say it’s time to leave, you do as you’re told.”
My chin fell in understanding. Do as you’re told. I forgot who he was. He was Superior Grant’s son. While I had to work with him and even though he’d told me his secret, he had been raised by a cruel man. And now I knew the cruelty lived inside him also.
I pulled myself up from the floor and crept past him to the glass door. It glided open to Solomon standing there, his expression indifferent to the violence just as I would have expected.
I shuffled towards the elevator door, my hands stubbornly at my sides, even though I wanted to cradle my pulsing face, and waited. I felt beaten in every way.
Denis spoke to Solomon in a detached tone. “My father expects a healthy, well-fed test subject. Your care for the prisoner is unacceptable. Rectify the situation or I’ll report you.”
We didn’t speak on the ride home.
I ignored any attempts he made to help me, maneuver me, or touch me when we arrived back at Grant’s compound. My trust in him was dented, and I hated that I needed him.
We made it to Judith’s bedroom door, and I turned to look at him. He winced at the sight of what he had done. My face felt swollen, my lip bulging.
I spoke from one side of my mouth. “Find those pills,” I whispered. I thought about Deshi. Where he would have hidden them? It was so hard to picture without being in his office.
“You’ll have to help me,” Denis said quietly.
I nodded. “Don’t worry,” I hissed. “I’ll do as I’m told.”
He looked at the floor. “Rosa, I’m sorry,” he barely mumbled. I open the door, stepped backwards, and slammed it in his face.
Leaning against the buttery timber, I breathed in and out violence. I was starting to wonder whether it was something about me that made men want to hurt me. Some men, anyway. But I quashed the thought as quickly as it had appeared. It was not me… it was them. They were ‘less than’ and violence was their only power.
Wanting comfort, I reached out for Joseph’s arms to crawl into. I strained to hear his warm, rumbling voice telling me it was all going to be ok. Please let it be ok. I banged my head gently against the door as I slid down to the carpet. I wanted to dig through to the ground. I wanted to feel the damp dirt between my fingers.
This was not where I belonged.
Judith sat up in her bed, rubbing her eyes groggily.
I let one tear slip before I padded my soul with steel bars and strengthened myself. Palma was free. Free. It was working. I smiled and my face hurt.
As Judith peered at me through the glow of her hideous fairy nightlight, I thought about my father. I wondered where he was when Palma was freed. I imagined him celebrating, marveling at the power of the people. But I also knew he would look to his side and want me there. I pictured his wiry arm over my shoulder.
I’m sorry, Dad.
JOSEPH
This was definitely the way to forget, but it came with a price.
My head lolled to the side and I startled awake, my eyes resistant to opening, my mouth dry and desperate for water. I licked my lips and unfolded my arms, stretching them behind my back. Dried blood crackled on my shirt. I needed to change.
The room was spinning and I blinked several times, trying to sharpen my dulled senses. Some people were still awake, hovering over the kitchen bench and whispering, but the house was almost empty. Most people probably returned to their homes once the celebrations had died down. I did a quick head count and noted that everyone was here, sleeping on the floor or crookedly in chairs. Elise’s blonde head stuck out from under a blanket on the worn, yellow sofa.
I got up and wobbled over to the kitchen to get water, tripping over Desh’s sleeping body. A murmur in the corner caught my eye. Olga sat with her back against the wall. She looked anxious, shaking her head from side to side, her small eyes darting around the room like she was also doing a head count.
“Olga, are you ok?” I whispered hoarsely, clearing my throat of its fuzziness.
She nodded and waved her hand dismissively. “Just tired,” she replied.
That was good enough for my cloudy brain. I stumbled and tripped on the spot where the carpet met the kitchen tiles, water calling to me from the dented sink.
As I lurched over the tap and drank directly from it, Rash’s voice hit my ears like he’d clapped tin lids together over my head.
“Feeling a bit under the weather are we?” he asked triumphantly.
I took a few more sips and raised my head, wiping the water from my mouth. The other men who were whispering wisely moved away from the counter. Rash sat on a stool, his arms clasped neatly in front of him, a big grin on his face, his speech a little slurred.
“What did you do to me?” I asked, my own words sounding garbled.
He raised his eyebrows. “Nothing, you dumbass. You did this to yourself. You’re drunk.”
I leaned my elbows on the counter and dipped my head down between my shoulders. It made me feel worse. The room started bobbing up and down like I was on water. I looked up and caught his amused expression.
“I’m glad my pain gives you comfort,” I groaned.
He clapped his hands together and chuckled when I flinched at the noise. My head was splitting open.
“Oh it does, man, it does.” He opened a can of beer and handed it to me. “Here, drink this; it will make you feel better.” I eyed him suspiciously but took it. I couldn’t feel any worse than I already did.
I took a few swigs and soon, I could feel it doing its job.
“Are you ever going to forgive me?” I asked, watching him pick at his brown hands.
He laughed sourly. “This is not about forgiveness. I’m grieving. I miss her. I need her. You’re just the obvious target for all my misdirected anger.” His head sunk down.
I shook my head from side to side. “You’re… you’re in love with her…” My hand curled into a jealous fist.
Rash’s eyes narrowed. “You know, you really are an idiot. You need to realize you’re not the only one suffering. I love her, yes. I’m not in love with her.” His voice started to rise in volume. “You think…You think…”
I slammed my fist down on the table. “What?” Violence pulsed in my fingertips. I was tired of him blaming me for everything.
“You’re so sorry. So sorry for yourself, you don’t…” he started. It wasn’t even true. I felt the burden of what I’d done to everyone. To him, to Pelo, and everyone who’d lost her. “You’re not the only one who lost her. And just coz I wasn’t sleeping with her, doesn’t mean I didn’t love her just as much as you did!”