Silence followed for so long that I thought he was gone. I moved to the handle slowly, and then he spoke. “Well, the test had to be accurate. The fact that you know our test subject… well, that’s just a bonus.”
I wanted to scream, but it was futile. I knew he did this to Gwen because of me and I hated him for it, the hate extending and wrapping around my own wrist too. It was my fault.
“Your time with us is nearly ovvver. My procedure has been moved up. The test will be in one week and then… I will walk again.” He clapped his hands together once.
I laughed bitterly. “Forgive me if I don’t celebrate with you.”
He pushed the door hard, and I flew backwards towards the bathroom wall. He leered at me sitting on the tiles in a towel, shaking despite telling my body to straighten up.
“Since you have refused to cooperate,” he growled, “you’ve left me no choice other than to execute you and your friend.” I knew this. “And since you’ve been so stubborn, your demise will not be an easy one. No…” He held up one finger, pointed like a knife. “You’ve helped me make an important decision.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked, my voice losing its tiny edge.
His eyes were steel, nothing in them but cold, hardness. “Let’s just say, your reunion will be a short one.”
What did that mean?
“What do you mean?” I asked, scrambling to my knees, gripping the towel with one hand.
He rolled backwards, his eyes on his feet. The guard holding open the door let him pass while I crawled after him screaming, “What do you mean? Reunion with who?”
He ignored my screams. I tried to follow him, but the guard pushed me back. He shook his head, muttering, “Stop, Miss.”
I watched him roll away from beneath the arm of the guard. Judith passed him, a bag of ice and a tea towel in one hand. She leaned down to kiss Grant on the cheek. “Night, night, Daddy,” she drawled, using her twanging voice again. I cringed.
“You’re such a good daughter,” he crooned, smoothing her hair down.
She skipped towards me. “Let’s take care of that face,” she said once we were inside.
I breathed in, my lungs expanding too far.
What did he mean?
I breathed out, my lungs scrunching down flat.
What did he mean?
Electrified chills ran through my body like I’d stuck a fork in a toaster.
The next morning, after breakfast, I went back to our room. Judith skipped off to bake a cake or paint Grant’s toenails. I didn’t know—whatever a suck up did. I sat on the edge of the bed and waited for Denis to take me downstairs, seething. Half my face was purple and all of my insides were blaring red with rage. I tried to remind myself that I needed him. Gwen needed him. But all I wanted to do was shove whatever alliance we had made deep into the rubbish bin and jump up and down on top of it.
When the knock on the door came, I considered ignoring it. But then the dragging and pulling would start. I had no choice.
Denis’ face was dark as shadows of shadows. He’d kept up a good act at breakfast, but now the mask had slipped off.
“I’m sorry,” he dribbled, and I wanted to slap him.
I glared at him, making sure the whole bruise was right in his field of vision. One blue eye crinkled in pain at the sight of me.
“I know you’re sorry. You already said that,” I snapped, stepping past him and into the hall.
Strips of white light cut me in half. I was dressed in black and red, and I was half-dark, half-light and on fire, standing in the cool sunlight. Denis shifted uncomfortably, like a beanpole in the wind. I ignored his guilty face and stared out of the window. It was a dirty winter, made of mud puddles and brown ice. I wished I could jump through the window and feel it—smell the rich earth, taste the crisp air.
I turned, and Denis was still standing there awkwardly.
His eyes swung to the camera in the corner carefully. “I just remembered, I need to borrow Judy’s music player before we go. There are some songs I need to download from it.”
Shrugging, I followed him back into the room. Suddenly, he shoved me into the bathroom and closed the door. He twisted on the taps and stared at himself in the mirror, bracing his hands on the sink.
“No amount of staring is going to change your stupid face,” I snarled as I caught my hideous expression in the mirror behind him, purple hate. Thin, angry, and not who I wanted to be.
“I’m really sorry, Rosa,” he said again.
I was getting annoyed. “Stop saying that! What do you want? Forgiveness? Fine, I forgive you for being just like you father, a violent bastard.”
He crumpled like my words were rocks thrown at his gut. “No. I’m sorry because I can’t go through with it. He’s watching me. He’s suspicious. I won’t be able to get the pills for your friend.” He exhaled loudly, as if it was so hard to say.
I wished I had rocks to throw. I wished I were strong enough to punch him. I clenched my fists at my sides. “So you’re going to let Gwen die because you’re scared of your father?” I shook my head. I should have known this would happen. “You could never deserve a man like Deshi. You are… beneath him,” I said cruelly.
He hung his head and muttered, “I know.”
My mind stretched and strained. I couldn’t let this happen. I turned to the wall, rich black and white tiles with swirls that looked like parsley leaves rolled in front of my eyes. Grant was suspicious. He was watching us both now. He was already distrustful of me. But his weakness was what he thought of me. He thought I was nothing, an insubstantial mess he could play with.
I strode out of the bathroom with a purpose tucked into my pocket. Denis stood there, looking pathetic. “Let’s go downstairs.”
I knew what I had to do.
JOSEPH
She’s almost out of reach to me now. Slipping below the horizon like the setting sun. And I can’t tell if it’s good or bad. All I know is that it puts the pain on hold.
A helicopter passed over our heads as we walked away from Palma. I ducked instinctively, as if it were close enough to touch me. Desh laughed. There was an old memory there, but I didn’t even need to shove it down. It was already buried. My head still swam in what Elise called hangover territory.
“Shut up!” I said as I elbowed Desh playfully. His look was suspicious, and I knew what it was about. My smiles were an endangered species. My smiles were a betrayal.
“Sorry, it’s just good to see you smile,” Desh said, slapping the tops of the ferns that whipped our legs with melting ice.
“We did good, didn’t we?” I grinned, thinking of Palma. The people had control. They were so ready for it. We didn’t even need to light the match, just give them the packet and let them start the fire all on their own.
Desh nodded. “That we did, man. Can’t believe the way those helicopters flew away from there. It was like, one look and they thought, No way are we even going to try and go in there!” He was giddy. We all were. We were floating on a high after the success of Palma.
I glanced up at the sky as the helicopter disappeared from view, wondering what we would find when we got to Pau. I knew it wouldn’t be like Palma.
A deep, dark wish had been working its way to the surface like a splinter as we got closer—I could find my parents. The other, even deeper wish was maybe I could find her mother. But that was a small wish. The problem was the more I thought about it, the more I started to chicken out. Seeing my parents meant facing what I’d done. I wasn’t sure I could handle it or them.