He was about to say something when Matthew cleared his throat and called us to him. The Survivors pressed their backs into the trees, like me. It was reassuring. A reminder of home.
“We need to make a plan going forward. We have thousands of people here looking for guidance, support. We also have an unknown number who have fled into the forest. I know the original plan was to move onto the next town, but that seems impossible now. After the information Rosa and Gwen have given us about the new Superior Grant and after…” he shook his head and ran a hand through his hair, grey strands belying unease, “after Olga, we have to assume that they will anticipate our planned moves and may retaliate against the people in the remaining four towns. I can’t see any other option other than to abandon our plans for the other towns. We need to help these people now. We need a Woodlands’ liaison and a spokesperson for the Survivors.”
Scrabbling feet and muffled breathing.
Gus pulled the small man with the silver case by the collar, holding him off the ground like a kill to be skinned. The little man fought listlessly against Gus’ firm grip for a moment, before his head sunk below his shoulders. Some people turned his way in disgust, but most ignored his presence.
“I move that we stay put. Organize ourselves. Recruit and assist the citizens of Pau Brazil. I truly feel we shouldn’t risk anymore lives,” Matthew finished.
“Rosa would rock it!” Gwen shouted enthusiastically. Alarmed, I found her face and shook my head at her hopeful, dimpled expression. “…or not…” she muttered. I rolled my eyes to the sky, wondering whether she had just said that to get out of it herself. The clouds were streaked, combed up like a wave threatening to crash down over us, and it seemed fitting to our enormous task.
There was little discussion. A few murmurs. But everyone seemed to agree that I was a good spokesperson. Matthew invited Joseph and me to the front. I placed Rosa-May gently on the grass, the wet blades darkening her tights with moisture. I opened my mouth to speak and Jonathan interrupted me, both he and Pelo pushing their way to the front.
“Don’t you think these kids have been through enough?” Jonathan said, his voice secure. “It’s too much. Too much responsibility to place on such young shoulders.”
Stephanie “Mmhm-ed” in agreement, her body swaying as if she were a wispy, willow tree in the breeze, her branches clasped neatly in front of her.
“Wow,” I said before I could stop myself. Jonathan was being the parent in this situation, and it didn’t fit. It was too late for permission slips and groundings. I looked out on the concrete walls blown apart, the scattered souls unanchored, and considered it. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could hand over our troubles, our burdens to them? Could I just stop being the adult now? The temptation was there, wafting thinly in front of my eyes, teasing me. I blew it from my vision. Our childhoods were over. And I was okay with pressing my lips to that shred of time and kissing it goodbye. The arms wrapped around my legs, and the arms reaching for me from the mountains, made the choice not a choice. My task was to give Orry and Rosa-May some of what I’d had, and most of what I’d never had—a good childhood.
I blinked a few times at the expectant eyes before me, wondering why they even listened to me, and said, “I can’t agree with Jonathan. For better or worse, sadly, we’re not kids anymore. But there are other reasons why I’m not the best person for the job. Though, that’s not why I can’t accept your nomination.” In the crowd, a pair of green eyes framed with short, pale blond hair crinkled at my words. Elise smiled, and I smiled back warily.
“I can’t do anything. I can’t be anything useful until I have my son. If you don’t need the chopper, I would like to request it and the pilot to retrieve Orry, Hessa, and the others. I promise, when I return, I’ll help you as much as I can. In the meantime, I nominate Jonathan and Pelo.” They would do a much better job than I would. I was not the one to put faith in. I was like two smashed plates. Broken and mixed together so much that I didn’t know which piece went where or even where to start.
Joseph’s hand wound around mine, and it lifted me a little. His hand shook in mine, my hand shook in his, our balance unsteady. But I gripped it tightly anyway.
Elise swept her delicate hand in the air and Joseph sucked in a breath before she said, “Aren’t we forgetting what an asset this helicopter could be? We could fly over the Superiors’ compound and blow them all to hell!” He exhaled, relieved.
Gus stomped his foot. It didn’t make much noise in the damp ground, but his anger pulled everyone’s focus to his words. “No more! No more death. If there is to be more fighting, it will not start with us. The only way forward is negotiation.” The Survivors bowed their heads in agreement.
Elise shut her mouth with a snap, and I felt bad for her. She was new. I got that.
It was a simple decision, which I knew they would support. They were as anxious to see the boys as we were. If we could convince the pilot to fly us, we could go.
“Where’s the pilot?” Joseph shouted. Someone pointed.
Deshi, Joseph, and I walked around the other side of the chopper where the soldiers and pilot sat, bound to trees.
Olga sat away from the others; her sorry head slumped between her shoulders as if it were hanging by a thread. I wanted to ask her—why? How could she do it? But I also didn’t want to hear her excuses, her reasons for telling the Superiors where we were, for making it possible for them to murder thousands of their own citizens. That, and I was afraid of my own anger towards her. Because a large part of me wanted to stomp on her until she was parts, not a whole. Pieces lying cracked and open in the mud.
They had their video now. I shuddered at the thought of them showing it in the other towns. I saw my mother’s face again and squeezed Rosa-May’s hand. She put us first. She entrusted her little girl to me. My sister. It proved something I was never sure of until now.
“Do you want to talk to her?” Joseph’s voice was edged sharply in anger.
I contemplated it and decided no. “There’s nothing she can say.”
Joseph moved his arm around my shoulders, a beat of hesitation there like there was a bubble of air between him and me he had to push through to touch me. I was trying to ignore it, hoping it was just concern.
“There he is.” Joseph pointed to a man in his thirties, his head against a trunk, his eyes rolling with the swish of the frozen leaves above him as if mesmerized.
I squatted down in front of him and sat back on my knees.
His head snapped to me.
“I didn’t know,” he said quietly as his eyes lolled back to the leaves. “They didn’t tell me what they were planning. I just fly the choppers and follow orders. I swear. I didn’t know they would do this.” His head rocked back and forth in unison with the dancing branches. I shuddered as the wind picked up, hooking into my skin and reeling me into his swirling eyes.
I reached out my hand and touched his arm. “What’s your name?”
“I didn’t know. All those people. Did you hear the screaming? I didn’t know,” he muttered. Something in this guy’s head had snapped. My hope slipped away with the threads of his sanity that someone had cut loose.
“Well, I really want this guy flying me hundreds of feet over pointy trees and jagged rocks,” Deshi muttered sarcastically.
A rustle in the trees caught my attention, and I jerked to standing.
“What is it?” Joseph asked, his fingers digging into my arm.
“You’re hurting me,” I whispered, irritated.
“Damn it.” Joseph let me go suddenly and walked away. He was acting so strange. He pulled his hands through his hair, turning his back to me. I placed a hand on his back, feeling it tense under my fingers.