Joseph closed the door and fell into the seat next to me, strapping himself in just as the craft became airborne. I wanted to say, Remember the last time we were together in one of these? But no words came. I was overwhelmed with the memories of our past. They hit me fast like rocks spitting up into a windshield. Fear of what was ahead, excitement at leaving home and Paulo behind, and an aching for my mother. But all of those memories paled to one—Joseph’s hand over mine like a golden barrier, shutting out all my harried thoughts and warming me to my spindly core.
This was where we started. This was how we spread out over the wilderness, a thousand stretching strands. So many plotted points, missed and taken, that brought us right up to now.
His ribs nudged my side as his chest expanded with deep breaths next to me. I put my hand over his and curled my thin fingers over his tensed knuckles like a cage. We watched the people turn to ants and the forest swallow them whole.
Deshi pointed north and we swung around in an arc, the edge of Pau Brazil just visible. Concrete, I once thought impenetrable, was cracked and spilling into the grass.
ROSA
Denis and Deshi chatted happily in the cockpit because they had those headphone things on. It was as noisy as a windstorm in the back, the blades ricocheting off the low clouds like they were made of rubber. Silence suited us anyway. After we found Orry, we were going to have to find time to talk. Just not now.
Rosa-May’s head lolled against my ribs. She’d slept for hours. I wished I could do the same. I sighed and looked down at our hands lying over each other’s like soft blankets. Calming.
I turned to the window and felt Joseph staring at me. But I liked being under his gaze, so I didn’t move my head for fear he’d look away.
Below, the wilderness stretched endlessly. Creeping up with fronded fingers as we ascended into the mountains. I chewed on my nails as I willed the chopper to move faster.
The chopper dipped suddenly, and we all gripped our harnesses as we flew out of our seats.
“We need to land!” Denis shouted over his shoulder.
It lurched and dove as if it were sitting in a sea storm. My stomach floated along with it. Finally, it touched down awkwardly in a tiny patch of wild grass surrounded by trees.
When it was quieter, Denis removed his headphones and explained. “The battery is flat. It needs to charge for the rest of the day. We’ll have to… camp?” He said it like a question, like he’d never used the word before.
The blades slowed, and we unclipped our harnesses. Joseph stood and stretched his back, raising his arms up to the ceiling and pushing on it. I bit my lip while I watched his arms flex.
His eyes twinkled as they gazed at the sleeping child at my side. Gently, he unbuckled her harness and scooped her into his arms, her dark hair splaying out behind her head as it swayed from side to side with his movements.
We shuffled out of the chopper and as soon as my feet crunched the earth, I felt small. The forests around the settlements were lush, dominating, but new. This world was old. The trees were elders, their gnarled, enormous trunks scored with age and experience. The air had a cold quiet about it, like through the gaps in the trees, eyes were watching us. I jogged to one of the trunks, hopping over ferns and mossy plants. Joseph’s chuckle pulsed through the air in fresh waves. My hand connected with the immense bark, deep cracks running through it like river canyons.
“Wow!” I said in awe as I craned my neck to stare up the branches spinning out and up, up, up.
Both Deshi and Joseph laughed.
Denis asked, confused, “What on earth is she doing?”
Joseph answered. “This is like Rosa’s idea of heaven.”
I wanted to press my whole existence to the trunk and hug it. It felt like it had been years since I was in the forest, even though it had only been about a month. One month of people trying to pull my spirit from my body. I rubbed my face on the mossy bark and breathed in the pungent smell of rotted wood.
Deshi coughed. “Ok, now you’re just being weird. Did that tree give you consent?”
I blushed and stepped back. Under the cover of the immense canopy, the air was warmer. We were protected from the wind and the sprinklings of snow. I gazed up at the small patch of winter-white sky. Unfortunately, we were also hidden from the sun.
“How’s it going to charge?” I asked, pointing at the leaves above. The whole clearing was in shadow.
Denis stared at the soggy ground, not quite sure which way to go. He decided to stand still. “Someone has to climb up there with the panels,” he said, pointing to a tree behind us. The branches were slightly lower but still really high.
Joseph balanced carefully on a stone, with a sleeping Rosa-May still in his arms. “Of course,” he grumbled. “Maybe we should make the Superior’s son climb up there.” His was voice terse with aggravation.
Denis’ face registered alarm at the suggestion.
“I would,” he mumbled, “but I’m injured. Besides, I think we all know who has to go.” His eyes swung to me, my moss-stained hands clasped behind my back.
I would have volunteered anyway.
“Is there any point in saying no?” Joseph asked, his hair shielding me from his annoyed eyes.
I shook my head. “Nope. You ready to throw me?” I needed Joseph to hoist me into the branches. I was smallest and lightest. It made sense that it should be me. He groaned in response.
Denis backed into the chopper like the squidgy ground scared him and sat on the edge, unraveling the wire that connected the batteries in the chopper to the foldout solar panels beside him. Deshi held out his arms for Rosa-May. Her body was still slack with exhaustion, and I started to wonder if maybe she didn’t want to wake up. When she opened her eyes, she would be met with more strange places and missing faces. I understood that feeling. Joseph handed her to Deshi.
Denis leaned over me, showing me how to unfold the panels and where to plug the wire in while Joseph hovered. Then, he rolled them up and put both in a backpack.
I took off my jacket, shoved my overlong sleeves to my elbows, and marched to the tree behind the chopper.
“You ready?” Joseph asked, his green eyes pulsing gold, his eyebrows drawn together in worry.
“It’s fine. It should be easy,” I replied, knowing nothing ever was.
He grabbed me under the arms and lifted me onto his shoulders.
I ran my fingers through his curls briefly before placing my hands on the trunk to balance and standing up on his shoulders.
“You’re lighter,” he remarked.
“She never ate much,” Denis said, and Joseph turned suddenly.
My hands scraped down the bark, and I nearly fell backwards before he grabbed my legs. “Sorry.”
The rich food they’d offered me had often made me sick. I ran a hand down my hip and noticed the sharpness of it, the way it almost pierced my skin. Was that why Joseph was being so careful with me? Did I look frail to him?
I glanced down at Joseph’s head. His shirt flapped open and a series of scars running down his chest shocked me. Another thing to ask about.
“The food was fatty and gross,” I snapped in Denis’ direction. I reached out for the lower branch, but I couldn’t quite reach it. “Throw me,” I said to Joseph.
He put both hands under my butt, counted, “One, two, three,” and hurled me at the branch. I got my arms around it and scrambled against the trunk with my legs until I was up.
“You okay?” Joseph shouted breathlessly, staring at me from below.
“All good!” I said.
I tucked my hair behind my ears, it swung back out, and I climbed.