I crouched down behind the bush before they saw me. Scared of him. Scared to see if he was damaged. Orry grabbed Hessa around the neck, and they fell together in the snow. I carefully counted his fingers, checked his face for scratches, cuts, and bruises. His face had lost some roundness. But mostly, he was the same child. He was my baby, unaffected, like he’d been on a trip this whole time.
Alexei came striding through the trees, clucking his tongue. “You two are too rough with each other. And I’ve told you not to run off like that.”
The boys ignored him.
I shifted on my haunches and knocked a branch. Snow fell from it and made a slight noise. Alexei’s eyes snapped to the origin of the noise and found mine. I scrunched them tight and took a breath. It felt like a dream. Don’t be a dream. I put my finger to my lips to stop him calling out and stood. I could hear the others tromping through my path behind me.
I strolled out, trying to look casual, and smiled down at the two boys. My voice shook like the branches around me. “You want to see a trick?” I asked, bending down to meet their eyes. I pressed my fingers to my side to stop myself from reaching out, grabbing them, and smashing them together in a crushing hug. They both nodded eagerly.
Long ago, my father had showed me how to do this in our front yard. I wasn’t allowed to keep it. Mother had stood impatiently at the door, tapping her foot and waiting until we had kicked it in and smoothed the snow over, like it had never been there. But for that brief moment, where I was falling and laughing, free, I had pure joy and no fear. I was a normal child, doing normal things. The boys blinked up at me expectantly. I put my hands out at ninety degrees to my body and let myself fall back into the deep snow, swishing my arms up and down. The boys watched in fascination. While I was lying there, flapping like a wounded bird, Orry jumped on me, his tiny body making little impact.
“Mama,” he whispered, grabbing my cheeks and squeezing them together. I was crushed leaves, bleeding sap into the snow.
I sat up and pulled us both out of the hole I’d made.
Alexei stumbled over to me, smothering me with a hug as I managed to splutter through my tears, “See the shape of the snow? It’s called a snow angel, I think.”
Orry scrambled out of my arms and dived face first into the snow to make his own, with Hessa following him.
“You’re here,” Alexei said into my hair, his stuttering voice as comforting as a warm drink.
“I’m here,” I whispered, wiping my eyes with the sleeve of Joseph’s shirt.
Joseph stomped through the snow. His worried face suddenly smoothed of concern as he eased Rosa-May from his back and lifted Orry up by his jacket, peering underneath to catch his son’s eyes. “There you are.”
Orry laughed again, and the feeling it created in me was huge. Bigger than the mountain, rumbling and shaking the snow from its back with laughter. Because Orry was fine. Our son was absolutely fine.
Joseph snagged my arm and pulled me close. I thudded against his chest and all four of us, me, Rosa-May, Joseph, and Orry squished together in a messy, perfect hug.
My heart split like a broken zipper every time Deshi approached Hessa. The boy didn’t know him. It had been over six months since they’d seen each other, and Deshi was a stranger to him.
“You can hate me if you like,” I whispered as I watched the painful exchange of Deshi holding out his hand to Hessa and Hessa hiding behind Alexei’s leg.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Rosa,” he snapped. “I’m happy for you. God knows, you deserve some happiness.”
“Yeah, but so do you.” I thought about my month in the Superiors’ compound, understanding more than most what Deshi had been through to get here. I repeated back what Joseph had told me about Rosa-May. “He just needs time.”
Deshi waved me off, though I could tell his heart was punctured with a thousand holes. “I’ll be whatever he needs. If that’s no longer a father, I’ll accept that. I just want to be a part of his life.”
Joseph reentered the room, his face grave.
“How is he?” Alexei and I said at the same time.
Descending the stairs two at a time, he collapsed on the leather couch. He stared into the potbelly fireplace, which grinned ghoulishly back as he spoke. “Lucky we got here when we did. I’ve given him antibiotics. Now we just have to wait a few days to see how he responds.”
Pietre had bacterial pneumonia. I wasn’t sure what that was but from the coughing and swearing coming from the room, I assumed it was pretty bad.
Past the large, double-glazed door, piles of skins burdened the railing of the deck of the cabin.
“Where is she?” I asked Alexei about Careen.
He patted my arm. “She spends most of her day hunting. I don’t think she could stand to be here and watch him… but now that you’re here, things will be much better,” he replied, as if he were trying to talk himself into it.
I leaned my head on his rounded shoulder. I couldn’t believe I was here. It seemed unfair in a way that somehow I’d managed to get back to my family when so many had lost theirs. I had to be thankful that my suffering, my fight, had a good end. It brought me to the top of a mountain and to the boy sitting in my lap. Orry clambered off my leg and ran to Rosa-May, who was sitting on the edge of the rug, staring out of the window. He grabbed her arm and dragged her onto the deck. She went with him, still quiet but warming a little. I didn’t explain to them who they were to each other. They wouldn’t understand. All they needed to know was they were now family.
Denis hovered in the background, uncomfortable. We existed in a bubble he was unsure whether he should be in or outside of.
Alexei’s eyes slipped to the window, where a shock of red hair stood out against the white snow.
“Here she is,” he said happily, clapping his hands together and shaking them once.
I tripped over the solid wood coffee table and ran to the window, waving gawkily. Her eyes flickered up as I banged on the window. They widened with surprise, and I sprinted for the door. Joseph chuckled as my blunt footsteps made the glasses in the cabinet vibrate.
I sunk into the snow like a hot coal. She dropped her kill and glided gracefully towards me as if the ground were a meadow and she, a gazelle. We slammed into each other, and I felt the air leave her body. Dropping to her knees, she made an ugly gasping noise, tears pouring down her cheeks.
“You’re here. You’re alive,” she cried as I knelt down beside her and hugged her close, her heaving sobs reminding me that while I was being tortured, so was she, thinking Pietre might die and that we would never come home.
“Thank you so much,” I whispered, pulling her curves towards me. “Thank you so much for taking care of my son.” I owed her everything.
She pulled back, her big, blue eyes glistening with confusion.
“I said I would, didn’t I?”
I collapsed over her, laughing, my arms wings ready to fold her into my heart. “Yes, you did.”
Her voice was muffled by my shoulder, but I still heard her say, “Your hair looks very strange, Rosa.” Our giggles rattled and shook the little hooks of pain that hung from my ribs, a few falling from my body and burying themselves in the snow.
It was strange and right, sitting around a chunky, wooden table, warm light bouncing off the timber that lined every part of what Alexei informed me was a ski chalet. It didn’t sound like the name for a building; it sounded like one of the pretentious dishes Grant would have served. At the thought of him, chills crept up my spine, ruffling my skin and making me shudder.