His body was rough and hard, covered with light hair that was nearly lost against the tan of his skin. I pressed my lips to him with high desire, inhaling deeply of the musky odor of him, the pleasant leather-and-metal-and-animal smell that clung like a faint aura of definition, expressing this one man without confusion or mistake. I also tasted him as I went, knowing his clean, warm flavor as well as I knew the strength of his thoughts, the touch of his hands. I became aware of the deep slowness of his breathing and realized that it was a forced slowness, a contrived match to the shallow-growing disinterest his mind was attempting to maintain. I laughed to myself and ran my tongue down his belly, feeling the shudder in his flesh as I did so, feeling the agonizing flare of heat in my own body as I finally reached the goal he had ordered me to. I touched and kissed and ran my tongue all about, taken by a frenzy that was a driving obsession, blind and deaf to everything but what I was doing to him and what that very doing was doing to me. He may have shouted and closed his hand around my calf, nearly crushing it in reflex action, nearly rising off the bed; I may have thrown my arms around his thighs to keep from being bucked out of place, to keep from being deprived of obtaining my obsession’s demands; the sole fact that carne to me clearly was the fact of his immediate response, the fact of his uncontrollable desire, undeniable and simultaneous in both body and mind. His mind again attempted control of his body, presenting demands for slowness and patience, repeating the need for denial of immediate response. Again and again the attempt was grade but the body, awash in a flood of liquid lightning and drowned in delight, proved deaf to the demands. Sensation alone ruled the body I clung to, the body I tasted to its very soul; when the explosion came it was unexpected and violent, seemingly designed to drive me away. I cried out and began to retreat, suddenly confused and unsure, the pleasure he projected battering me down, subtracting his need from the equation we’d formed and leaving only mine. I cried out again but this time with my mind, sending him my body’s flames as I had refused to do earlier, as I had been too proud to do earlier. his projection changed tone and pitch immediately, reverting to raging desire, a renewal of need so strong it frightened me. He snarled and threw me to my back, taking possession of my body so quickly I had no time to express my fright, only to gasp and melt in his arms, his beyond question and doubt. I had what I’d begged for, what I’d wheedled and worked for; all that was left to do was accept.
5
He stirred in the bed beside me, his mind coming instantly awake the way an animal’s does, no pauses to question location or self, no sense of disorientation whatsoever. He picked up the thread of consciousness so quickly it was almost as though he had never let it go, even through hours of sleep. He shifted gently and put his arms around me, one below my body, one above, immediately spreading his hands out. If I hadn’t already been awake I would have returned to awareness thinking we had spent our sleep time like that, pressed together in mutual pleasure. I stirred to the stroking of his fingers, feeling the deep pleasure in his mind, feeling the relief he felt at being able to acknowledge that pleasure. He hadn’t been able to do that the last time he’d touched me, and why he had held himself back was perfectly clear.
“I feel you are awake, hama,” he murmured, putting his lips to my hair. “Is this not so?”
“Yes, I’m awake,” I agreed, not moving any more than I had to. When I didn’t add anything, he moved even closer.
“The night was filled with much pleasure for us,” he pursued, pulling me tightly against him. “I have not had such deep response from you since before we parted. You cannot deny the significance of the thing.”
“So you proved you’ve made me as lustful for your body as you seem to be for mine.” I shrugged, keeping my tone light and uncaring. “Do you mean you intend making me rape you from now on?”
“I mean nothing of the sort,” he answered from behind me, annoyance beginning to push his pleasure aside. “It is clear to me, and should be equally as clear to you, that your desire for me is as it was. Speaking words to the contrary will do naught to alter this.”
“I thought you didn’t care what I said,” I observed, feeling his annoyance increase. “I thought you were taking me to Rimilia even if I had to go kicking and screaming all the way. Wasn’t that little charade you devised before last sleep period meant to make life in the furs more pleasant for you? I can’t very well deny it worked, because it did. In future, I’ll probably find it impossible not to respond exactly as you wish.”
“That was not my sole consideration,” he objected, suddenly moving his bands so he could shift me around to face him. The light in the cabin was dim, but I’ve never needed external light to see him. His mind and personality were an inner blaze of light, growing stronger whenever he became angry. “I primarily wished you to know the depth of frustration possible when the one you desire feels no desire for you,” he said, staring down into my eyes. “It is also necessary that you learn to please a man to a greater extent than you have so far attained. Much pleasure is lost to ignorance when it need not be so.”
“Well, there’s no denying I learned something,” I muttered, looking down from his eyes to stare at his chest. “I never had the least urge to do that before, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Did you really enjoy it as much as you seemed to?”
“It was magnificent.” He laughed softly, gathering me close to him. “As your expertise grows, it will become even more magnificent. I have not had sufficient opportunity to school you in such things, which shows how great a fool I am. I should undoubtedly have made the opportunity.”
“You were too concerned with other things of greater importance,” I said into his chest, rubbing my cheek against it. “Even if I went with you, nothing would change. You’re part of something that goes beyond personal preference, beyond pleasure and desire. What do you intend doing with Garth?”
“He will aid my people and become one of them,” he answered after a very brief hesitation, his mind closing into a guarded mold I’d seen before. “His assistance will secure for him a life he now seeks in vain. Ire, like you, will find acceptance among my people.”
“But not if he doesn’t do things for them,” I pointed out, keeping my eyes down. “If he just tries to live among them, doing nothing special, he’ll just be an outsider to be ignored and forgotten. No one will care about him or care whether he stays or goes.”
“This is not true,” be denied, beginning to feet a faint upset. “My people concern themselves with strangers among them, ever seeking to make them less of a stranger and more of a brother. One does not build a strong community by denying others entrance to it nor disallowing their assistance.”
“No one welcomes a stranger without demanding an entrance price,” I maintained. “If they can’t pay the price they become outcasts, unwanted and uncared about. I wonder how long you’ll even remember me, once you have someone else to do your work. Will you think of me from time to time, and at least wonder what I’m doing?”