A man of the Amalgamation would have had no trouble resisting me, but Daldrin was a Rimilian and didn’t stand a chance. In a very short time he was writhing on the carpet fur, his broad body twisting, his muscles corded as he strained to break loose from the fetters that held him, sweat glistening all over and teeth clenched with effort. I felt weak and breathless myself, but I raised my lips from his body and reached over to kiss his face softly.
“A woman may pretend disinterest even while she writhes,” I whispered, spreading my hands out on his chest. “Do you, a man, wish to claim disinterest?”
“I will beat you for this, wenda, you have my word!” He gasped, chest rising and falling with the effort of speech. “Unchain me now! I demand it!”
“Oh, do not beat me, hizah, I beg you,” I wheedled, kissing more and more at his face. “Forgive a poor bedin and do not beat her. Allow her instead to soothe you in your misery.”
“Do not speak so!” he screamed, his mind burning as high as his body. “Release me now, wenda, now, now!”
“Forgive a poor bedin, hizah,” I pleaded, pressing myself to him as I put my arms around his body. “This bedin may not release you, yet she may bring you release. Allow her to bring you release, hizah, command her to your pleasure.”
“By the Sword of Gerleth, I cannot bear it,” he groaned, actually quivering beneath me. “You have used your power, and now I am done.”
“I have used no power on you save the power of a woman,” I told him, sitting up to look down into his eyes. “You are a man, and born to have such feelings for a woman. Will you be pleasured as you are, as helpless as I found myself to be in your arms, or must I taste the bitterness of defeat alone? I find, you see, that I must seek a proper ending to those feelings begun by the touching of a man. Should you refuse to take your pleasure in chains, should you refuse to learn the helplessness I was taught, I will then find it necessary to release you and allow you your way with me. I must have your word, l’lenda; which will it be?”
He stared up at me silently, his face shiny with sweat, his expression serious, his eyes troubled. I could feel how much he wanted to be freed, how desperately he needed to exercise his usual masculinity, and his words, when they came, were a surprise.
“It is impossible—to know—the depths of slavery till one has been a slave,” he got out, regretting every word even as he said it. “A wise man learns all things so that he may grow wiser still. Let us taste the bitterness of defeat together.”
I smiled very faintly, admiring his courage, then began helping him to grow wiser. He and I both found that although his body had been forced to readiness despite his wishes, his mind didn’t share that readiness and couldn’t be made to feel the sort of pleasure it should have. He did try, I’ll give him that, but the humiliation and frustration were too great to overcome. After an unsatisfying time of trying I finally gave up and unchained him, thinking my experiment was over, but I was only half right. Daldrin had a lot of frustration and forced need to get rid of, and the minute the last shackle was open I found myself seized and thrown beneath him, to reap what I had sown, so to speak. After what I’d done he wasn’t concerned with being gentle with me, but he wasn’t unnecessarily brutal, either. When it was all over he let himself drop to the carpeting beside me and sighed deeply.
“I find it difficult to believe a woman has so little pleasure from being taken through a man’s desire,” he said, his voice sounding tired. “Never before have my wendaa seemed other than pleased, yet never before have I had such a thing done to me.”
“A woman’s feelings are not those which you experienced,” I admitted, sitting up slowly to rub at my arms where his fingers had dug so deep. “For me the shame shows itself afterward, when I am able to realize what I have been forced to. Perhaps other women feel no shame; I know only that I felt no pleasure treating you so, no more than satisfaction in vengeance achieved and little even of that.”
“Perhaps we have both grown in wisdom,” he chuckled, putting his hand on my calf to squeeze gently. “It is said that to a wise man all experiences are worthy in that one may learn from each of them and thereby grow to be wiser still. Go now and search for a strap, wenda, and bring it to me here.”
“For what reason do you require a strap?” I asked, turning my head to look down at him. “A strap alone, without clothing would appear foolish to any who saw you.”
“I do not intend wearing it,” he said with a snort of derision. “Though I be chained here through my loyalty to my brother, I will not allow a wenda to chain me in reality and afterward go unpunished. My word was given you on the matter earlier; now you will have the beating.”
“You jest,” I said, searching his mind with a frown to find the emotion that would show he was joking. “You, yourself, agreed to remain chained—and I would not fetch a strap that I was to be beaten with.”
“I did indeed agree to remain chained,” he said, the look in his eyes harder than it had been. “I did not, however, agree to be chained to begin with. And you will most certainly fetch the strap you are to be beaten with, else will the beating be sharpened to cover the disobedience. You may now do as you have been ordered to do.”
“I shall do no such thing,” I said, rising stiffly to my feet. “I am no longer a slave, therefore do I refuse to be treated as one. You, however, remain a slave and need not have been unfettered so quickly. Do you think me your belonging, to be treated as you wish? Even were I to allow such a thing, one in your position would hardly be permitted a belonging.”
“My position will not forever remain what it is,” he growled, standing up to look down at me. “Should I wish a belonging I will take her, defending my right to her, if necessary, with a sword. Are you familiar with the use of a sword, wenda, that you would attempt to deny me my choice?”
He looked down at me coldly, shoulders stiff with anger, his body large and menacing. He was having more and more difficulty in keeping himself from reverting to l’lenda status in my presence, and that wasn’t a good sign. He hadn’t claimed me openly because he was, technically, still a slave, but waiting for it to happen would just be asking for trouble.
“I have no knowledge of the use of a sword,” I said with a headshake, not happy about what I would have to do. “Daldrin, you forget I have no need of a sword. I, myself, am spawn of the dagger, not to be gripped with no regard for my edges. Do not force me to hurt you.”
“I fear no woman,” he rasped, and reached a hand out toward my arm. He honestly felt no fear of what I might do to him; after all, hadn’t I been used by him more than once with nothing untoward happening? I hoped that one day my ability would be a reflex action coming into play the first time I was threatened, to make future scenes like that unnecessary. It was painful for me, but I took one step back and defended myself.
Doubt can be an agonizing emotion, especially when it’s strong and especially when you’re not used to it. Daldrin’s hand froze in midair, a sudden worry in his eyes, but he didn’t have much time for worry. The guilt hit him fast, a soul-shriveling guilt that put every ill in the world on his shoulders, bowing his head and sending him to his knees even as he sobbed once in an effort to ease the pain. His brawny body shook, wracked with self-accusation, and then the pain of guilt was gone, leaving behind a knowledge of how humbly grateful a man must be to find himself rid of such a burden. I strengthened the humility and gratitude, made sure they had a good hold on him, then went and got my gown and slipped it on. If I’d had any real inner strength I would have been able to stay and look at what I’d done, but the sight of Daldrin on his knees weeping was too much for me. I picked up my sandals and carried them to the next room, put them on, then called the door guards and told them I wanted a different room for that afternoon. They were still too edgy to ask me why, which was just as well. I followed them to a different empty room, closed the door, then lay down among the pillows and fell asleep.