“His wish shall be answered,” he said grimly, rising to his feet again. His rage was a monumental thing, harsher than anything I’d care to face. “Loddar, stay you with Terril and see to her. I shall return shortly.”
“Aye, you shall indeed return shortly” I said in disgust to his broad back. “Bereft of all you have worked for, but filled with a boy’s satisfaction. Your honor shall be intact.”
He whirled back to me, his face twisted with anger. “Am I to congratulate him on his treatment of my wenda?” he demanded in a roar. “Am I to become darayse and overlook his crime?”
“Are you to hop to his bidding as a child obeys its father?” I countered. “This was done for no purpose other than to force you to break the laws of the Ratanan! Your voice cannot be heard by the others from the distance of your own city and I would wager a goodly amount that he now sits surrounded by innocents who would condemn only you for baring a blade. He would be left here, and you would be gone! Is this what you wish?”
He stared at me, his mind in turmoil, and Loddar stepped closer. “Denday, she has the right of it,” he said slowly “I, too, would have faced the man with thirsty blade, yet she sees more clearly in spite of her pain. Sadayin wenda, as well as sarella. Her thoughts and actions do credit to her name, and I salute her courage.”
“My small warrior,” Tammad said, smiling slightly in spite of the ache that had reclaimed him, “is he to give you pain and suffer nothing himself in return, l’lenda wenda? I would indeed be darayse were I to allow such to happen.”
“His pain shall come at the defeat of his schemes.” I said, starting to feel dizzy again. “Should you bitterly discuss the happening with others, burning to know the identity of one who would do such a thing, no thoughts of darayse would arise. Also, should he admit the deed out of desperation, there would be few to stand with him. He may yet give you the opportunity you seek.”
“I am not to know who did this?” he asked in surprise. “How may I not know?”
“Through great fear of l’lendaa, I shall speak no name,” I answered weakly “You may then suspect, but you may not know.”
“Fear of l’lendaa!” Loddar guffawed, sticking his thumbs in his swordbelt. “Never have I seen wenda with so little fear of l’lendaa. Rommar shall indeed regret his actions.”
“I will not be satisfied until he is beyond regret,” Tammad said softly, sitting down next to me to stroke my hair. “Loddar, do you bring water, and have a broth prepared for my small warrior. I feel her pain is deeper than she would have us know.”
Loddar nodded and left, and I closed my eyes, drawing strength from the hand that touched my hair. In a short while my face was washed carefully and a short while after that the broth was brought. Again it had the strange but pleasing taste to it, and it went down easily into the void in me. I was then carried to my furs, undressed, and allowed to sleep.
It was still very dark when I awoke, and I moved carefully, testing for pain. Between my own efforts and the medicated broth there was none, but Tammad’s mind was instantly alert, centered on me with worry and fear. It was almost a shock to realize that he did feel fear, but the fear wasn’t personal, it was for me. His Prime’s work was nearly done, but he wasn’t afraid for his Prime. He was afraid for me.
“Are you in difficulty?” he asked softly, moving closer on his furs. His hand took mine and held it, swallowing it almost completely
“The pain is gone.” I answered, glad that he couldn’t see the bruises on my face. The dark gave me a courage I never thought I’d need, and I added in a small voice, “Tammad, may I share your furs?”
“Terrillian hama,” he breathed, drawing me to him as a great joy filled him. “Never before have you spoken my name, nor asked to come to me. I had almost given up hope.”
“Tammad hamak,” I murmured, thrilled with calling and being called beloved. “I had not had the courage nor sense to speak before this. More fool I.”
“Foolish perhaps, but never a fool.” He chuckled, holding me tight. “All will be well now.”
It wasn’t well, it was indescribably wonderful. I gave myself happily, and he accepted my gift gently, tenderly, yet still with passion. His desire was great, but he satisfied it with duration rather than intensity allowing me to share my strongest feelings in order to increase his satisfaction. The night surrounded wishes fulfilled, and never had life meant more to me.
The morning was beautiful, and even my almost constant yawning didn’t spoil it. Tammad laughed at the yawns, and I grinned along with him even as I blushed. The night had been too good to regret the loss of sleep.
I followed Tammad to the dendarsa camtah, which had been opened all around so that the gathered l’lendaa could hear the discussions within, and I was very glad there was no mirror available. I was dressed in a fresh imad and caldin, but I could gauge the bruises on my face by the fury and pain Tammad felt every time he looked at me. I had the company of a full dozen l’lendaa, and they would stay with me until Tammad was free again.
The morning was spent discussing the problem of the savages, and victory was very sweet. Rommar was unalterably opposed to a united effort against them and spoke convincingly for his position, but Tammad’s arguments were even more convincing. The dendayy supported Tammad, and I was glad I hadn’t scratched the itch to project a bit of general agreement and belief. Tammad’s victory was completely his own, and Rommar soured further with defeat.
The dendayy took the midday meal together, so I took the opportunity to go for a bath. Tammad gave reluctant permission for me to visit the stream on the far side of the camp, and his l’lendaa were just as jumpy as he was. They didn’t know who had attacked me the night before, but they hadn’t needed Tammad’s orders to keep a close eye on me. Every time they looked my way, their lips tightened and their minds seethed.
The stream was a very welcome sight, and I stripped quickly and stepped into the water. It was cool and refreshing, doing a lot to ease my tiredness. I washed quickly, then stood up to my shoulders soaking, a small smile of memory on my lips due to the night before.
I was brought back to reality by a brief cramp, then was shocked to see dark red swirling in the clear water below me. It was obvious that I was bleeding, and my first thought was that I’d been injured by Rommar’s attack on my stomach. I fretted over the idea for a minute or two, and then another possibility presented itself. It was nonsensical and impossible, but my body might have been telling me that I was pregnant!
Shakily, I told myself that that was ridiculous. I’d had my six month anti-pregnancy treatment, and it had never been known to fail. I had lots of time until the next treatment was due, as the last treatment had been taken care of just before I’d left for Dremmler’s sector. I cast my mind back, trying to pinpoint the exact date of treatment, then closed my eyes. I’d been treated almost two months before I’d left on my last assignment.
But it still couldn’t be! I was supposed to have warning when my protection wore off. Strong cramps that couldn’t be missed were the warning, and I hadn’t had those. I hadn’t felt anything like—my argument stopped and another part of me laughed at my blindness. I’d had the cramps, all right, but I’d thought it was Rommar’s doing. My body had warned me, but I’d missed the warning. Now it was taking great pleasure in telling me that it was pregnant, that it had finally gotten around the restrictions I’d imposed on it. Abrupt lack of protection like that made a woman immediately vulnerable, and the bleeding was a confirmation of impregnation that also couldn’t be missed.
I stayed where I was for the ten or fifteen minutes it took for the bleeding to stop, and happily the l’lendaa saw nothing of it. I was numb for a while, but then I examined my emotions and found only part of the shock I’d expected. I didn’t want to be pregnant, but it wasn’t the terrible thing I’d pictured, and I felt no different. Then I asked myself honestly if I could have gone home even if I hadn’t been pregnant, and I honestly had to answer no. Tammad was the man I wanted, but he was an earthbound deep-spacer on Central. He belonged with his own people, and I would have to stay wherever he was.