“The laws of the Ratanan are to be obeyed,” Tammad said, his eyes on Rommar. “Yet, I, too, must spurn them for a greater purpose, I accept his challenge.”
The crowd moved aside to let the dendayy off the pavilion platform, then formed a large ring. Tammad and Rommar stepped into the center of the ring and faced each other with drawn swords, fury filling Rommar, satisfaction in Tammad.
Rommar moved first, swinging his sword back, then bringing it forward two-handed. Tammad brought his own sword up and caught the blow, then swung in attack at Rommar. Metal clashed and rang, and it was obvious that Tammad faced a man who was his equal. The two giants swung at each other, but not blindly. Each handled his blade with skill and control, Rommar using his rage to add to his strength. He whipped his sword at Tammad, trying to open him wide, and Tammad jumped back out of the way just in time. Tammad avoided the back-swing as well, then chopped hard at Rommar, making him duck away from the vengeful edge that would have cut him in two.
Then, without any warning, the end came. Rommar swung his sword back for another furious assault, and Tammad’s blade arched down, splitting Rommar’s head. Rommar’s mind was then beyond pain, and his body fell to the dust of Rimilia, having finally achieved the ultimate isolation.
The l’lendaa moved forward to voice their approval, and I turned silently and went back to our pavilion to sit myself among the cushions. I needed some time to think, to straighten out in my own mind what had happened.
Tammad had won his victory but not along the lines we had discussed. He was supposed to have stressed the benefits of membership in the Amalgamation, instead he had used distrust and urgency to make his points. He intended to use the Amalgamation to get what he wanted for his people, just as he had used the information I had provided to sway the dendayy. His game was deep, and I finally understood why I hadn’t been included in the talks with his allies. They, presumably had been told his true plans. In spite of all of my previous decisions, I didn’t know whether or not I completely approved of his intention to use the Amalgamation to achieve his ends. It didn’t seem quite fair.
When Tammad finally got back to the pavilion, he was calmly pleased. He threw himself down on the pillows near me and grinned happily.
“The thing is done,” he said, pulling me to him. “The dendayy support my suggestions, and shortly the offworlders shall be allowed their complex. My people have much to look forward to, but great care must be taken lest they lose all through innocence. I shall do all I may to see that such does not occur.”
“Do you really think the Amalgamation will deliberately destroy your people?” I asked quietly “Can you believe them such heartless monsters?”
He sighed and smoothed my hair. “It shall not be from conscienceless doing that such will occur, Terril mine. In the presence of new ways, the old must change or die completely. Many years ago, I traveled to the lands that lie far to the south. Two separate peoples dwell in that land, one with greater ability than the other. The two peoples had never fought, yet the people with lesser ability were nearly gone. They had clung to their old ways and attempted to make no changes, as they wished to preserve what their fathers had built. Their children looked about them, yearned for the greater knowledge to be had with the abler people, and left their homes never to return. These children took the ways of the abler people as well as their knowledge, and their fathers died alone, bitter and deserted. It was not the fault of the abler people, not that of the children. Should greater knowledge be available, it is part of a man to wish to possess it.”
“And you don’t want your people to die bitter and alone.” I summed up, stroking his face. The courage it takes to force people to survive! “You’ll see that they change their ways so that those ways may be preserved. Rapan was right when she spoke of your wisdom. You will be denday of dendayy and your people will flourish.”
“I have little wisdom..” He grinned, “Else I would not have faced Rommar. Should he have bested me, my people would soon have followed in my path. I took a boy’s satisfaction, and shall not do so again until my successor is chosen. Then my death will be meaningless.”
“Never will it be meaningless!” I gasped, holding him tight. “You are foolish indeed to speak so!”
“Forgive me, l’lenda wenda,” he laughed softly. “I shall not speak so again. With one such as you, there is little need to speak at all.”
He spoke to me then without words, and I sang in response. Never before had I known such a man, never again will there be another.
After we had eaten together, he left to see to his business and I stayed in the pavilion and dreamed. I was eager to get back to our city so I could learn what Gilor had to teach me. I wanted to do everything for Tammad and be everything to him, and proudly bear his children. My gift would be a part of every child I gave him, and I would give him as many as he wished. I would be his to the end of my days.
There were still at least three hours to sundown when he returned. I ran to greet him, but he drew me outside where Loddar, Kennan, and a dozen other l’lendaa were waiting, mounted on seetarr with pack seetarr as well. I stared at them, not understanding, and Tammad put his arm around my shoulders.
“You shall go with Loddar and Kennan,” he said quietly “They are charged with your safety, and shall care for you.”
“Go?” I echoed in confusion. “Go where? Where am I being sent?”
“You go to the house of the offworlders,” he answered. “As it is a long journey it is best you begin now. Fare you well, Terril mine, and see that you mind Loddar. He shall look upon you as one of his daughters.”
He squeezed me briefly, then turned away and headed back toward the dendarsa camtah. In deep shock I put my hand out after him, wanting to call him back, wanting to beg him to keep me. My mind went to his and my soul screamed in agony—because there was no sadness or regret in him, no sense of loss of any sort. He was sending me back because my job was done, and he would not miss the Prime he had used. My hand fell again to my side, the words unspoken, and my world was dead and gone.
“Come, Terrill,” Loddar said gently. “You shall ride with me.”
I walked woodenly to Loddar and let him lift me to the saddle fur behind him. I put my arms around his waist, feeling nothing, and we started for the road. Not once did I try to look back.
16
The trip was the dream of a nightmare. When we camped, I didn’t care where we were and I spoke to no one. I ate what was given me, and if nothing was given I didn’t miss it. In the beginning, Loddar tried to get me to cook the game that they caught, then he gave up. Kennan would stare at me worriedly and draw Loddar aside to speak to him, then they would both stare at me, shake their heads, and go away. It made no difference at all to the way I felt.
I kept asking myself how I could have been so wrong, how I could have made such an enormous mistake. He cared for me and he’d said so—but he’d also sent me away. He had called me hama—but hama translated as “sweetheart” as well as “beloved.” It had been no more than wishful thinking on my part that I was his beloved, no more than my own blinding need for him that had convinced me that he wanted me, too. He cared for me, yes—but he didn’t love me.
I sat on the bare ground outside the camtah that was mine, seeing nothing but my lap and the motionless hands that lay in it. He’d had so many women in his bands—everyone said so—but he’d tired of all of them, and had given them away. In all honesty it was hard understanding how he wouldn’t tire of any single woman. With the variety he was constantly offered as denday, there was no need for him to look for one woman of his own. What in the world had made me think that I could do any more for him than the others had?