“Why not?”
“You know why not.” She moved into him and, with inhuman force, pulled him off of me.
His temper exploded with the force of an air gun. He shook himself free of her grasp and raised a hand instinctively, like he was going to strike. I held my breath.
Fearless and ferocious, she continued, “You’re weak. You’re not in the network. There’s no power without your connection. Without it, Damiel will eat you alive! What will happen to Mia then?”
The golden glow of her halo flamed brightly even in my well-lit living room. It burst from her in a ripple of light that rushed Michael, igniting his own halo. His hand fell and he blinked at her as though waking from being drugged.
“You’ve been called. You must go. You’re needed.”
He motioned to me. “Who will watch Mia?”
“I will. She’ll be safe, I promise,” Arielle said.
He nodded slowly, accepting his task. “If anything happens to her…”
“It won’t.”
I sat up and pulled on my shirt, flattered by the fact that he looked a little sad to see me cover myself up. “I’ll be fine. Arielle knows what she’s doing.”
“Been at it a while now,” she added and threw his singlet at him.
He put it on. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
“I know.”
I hugged him goodbye, my body aching to be with him. Knowing he felt it too, that he could feel me, I pulled away. He hesitated a moment, gazing at my lips, compelling me to kiss him, but if I started again we wouldn’t stop. So I turned away and he left.
“He’ll be okay, won’t he?” I said to Arielle, who was standing in the living room calming herself.
“He should be.”
“I mean he won’t fall again because of tonight?”
Her clear golden eyes revealed nothing. “I’ve got to go straighten out another mess. I’ll be back to check on you in a little while. If you need me, call, okay?”
“I’m sorry,” I said.
She didn’t say anything, but her look acknowledged me before she left.
Standing up, I noticed that my legs were wobbly and my body still pulsed with desire. It had never been this intense before—like a drug—not even that first time we’d kissed. After being so close to him just moments before, Michael’s absence now almost hurt. I was cold and lonely in a whole new way. Was this the enthrallment I’d been warned about? Or was it just love?
Beneath it all, I was agitated from my afternoon: Damiel’s note, and then the Tarot reading—that Devil card plagued me. It seemed the longer Michael and I were together, the more likely it was that I would cause him to fall—or at least stray from what he was here to do. Knowing he could feel my feelings meant he would know how much I wanted him—which in itself was too strange to even consider. How long could I be close to him without causing a disaster? I couldn’t bear to be with him and not be close, and I couldn’t bear to be without him.
Grabbing my iPod from my purse, I found the loudest, angriest song I could. I didn’t care that it was after ten, that the neighbors were likely asleep. I hooked it into the stereo and put it on repeat with the volume loud enough for the bass to pound against my chest. Retrieving Michael’s jacket from my room, I used it as a pillow and lay on the living room floor as close as I could get to the speakers, the heavy pulsing beat filling the lonely hole in my chest. Tears flooded down my face.
I don’t know how long I lay there or how many times the same song repeated. Vibrating through the floorboards of the old house, the music was so loud I didn’t notice Arielle standing there until the music shut off.
“Hey! Put it back on!” I said, getting up.
Her halo blazed around her as she approached me with the grace of a cat. “I didn’t need to even try to sneak up on you…”
“So?”
“Dear one,” she said, her voice a musical and soothing balm, “I bring you a message.”
“From Michael?” I stood up. “Is he okay?”
“No. Think higher up than that.”
“Oh, so now God’s going to order me to stay away from one of His angels?”
“Not at all.” Arielle’s smile was kind. “Will you hear it?”
Her halo had grown so bright it was hard to look at her. I nodded, my chest tightening. I realized I was afraid to know what God had to say to me. What could He possibly want from me other than for me to get lost? No wonder. I had obviously messed things up for Michael before.
“You know Damiel is coming back.”
“Yes.”
“And you know he wants you for some reason.”
“I know.”
“Sure enough. But what you do not know is how Damiel will hurt Michael.”
“How?”
“He’s going to exploit Michael’s weaknesses. He’s going to use his past and make him believe he’s unforgivable. That’s Michael’s ultimate weakness. He can’t forgive himself for his past, and it started with what he did to you.”
“What did he do to me that was so horrible?” I said, reaching back in my memory for some kind of glimpse of what happened.
“We’d hoped that by spending time with you, Michael’s memories would return on their own. The only other witnesses are on the wrong side to be of any help.”
“Which leaves me as the only witness.” I sat on the couch.
“Exactly. We were wrong about Damiel. If you’re the only witness, it makes no sense for him to force your memories back…unless he was trying to short-circuit you and destroy those memories altogether.”
It took me a moment to process all she had said. “My memories are that important?”
“Yes. Very. We need you to remember what happened so that Michael can forgive himself before it’s too late.”
“How do I do that?”
“I have an idea.” She came over to sit beside me on the couch and her halo tingled beside me. It blazed much stronger than Michael’s.
“Does it involve going through that network again?”
“No, we need to tap into your memories,” she said, rolling up the sleeves of her beige jacket. “It’ll be different this time. Hold still and, no matter what, keep breathing, okay?”
Chapter Twenty-Five
When she placed her scorching hands on my head, a brilliant white light erupted through my brain like sheet lightning. I couldn’t help but gasp.
“I know it’s warm, but it won’t do any damage. Just keep breathing.”
“As if I’m going to stop,” I said, but I focused on my breath anyway.
My mind blanked as though it were rebooting, obliterating any thoughts I had about what we were doing or what would happen next. An exploding fireworks display of colors and images followed, pictures that came so fast I couldn’t make sense of them. I winced, inhaling sharply as a piercing pain shot between my eyes. “What are you doing?”
“Nice, deep breaths. This will pass too.” The resonant tones of her voice echoed right through me.
I closed my eyes, the sound of her voice guiding me until the pain subsided, and a tunnel of brilliant golden light presented itself. I followed it until I saw Michael. Sitting on a roughly-carved wooden stool, he watched as I took wildflowers from my hair and placed them in a bowl of water, their silken petals limp between my fingers. We were inside the same house I’d had visions of before, and through its small round holes for windows, stars sparkled in the night sky. Next to us stood a table covered with dried fruits and cheeses left over from a feast, from some kind of celebration—our wedding.
Michael stood, his full height almost to the ceiling, and held out his hand to me. He spoke a different language, but somehow I understood it.
“Come to bed—wife.” The corners of his lips curled into a smile filled with desire and the promise of such pleasure that my skin flushed even remembering it.
Was this it? Was this what he was forbidden to do? Marry me?
But in that life, I smiled and danced, twirling around him and humming a tune from that time as I meandered toward our bed. Light from the fire flickered in the blackness of his eyes. He was different then. Even though his face held all the signs of his beauty, it was shadowed by a sadness that I hadn’t seen in him before, as if his glory had dimmed somehow. But in that moment I didn’t notice. I was focused on him, fueled as much by his desire as by my own. When I was close to the bed, he grabbed my arms, raising them above my head, and kissed me hungrily, without restraint, and a rush of passion flowed through me.