Is that you? her mother called down the stairs, peeking over the banister, looking barely older than her daughters. The soft red hair was swept up on her head, and framed her face softly, with two pens stuck in it, and a pencil. She was wearing jeans and a black turtleneck, and high-top black Converse sneakers that she had bought for Sam, but Sam wouldn't wear them. Blaire looked like a kid, until you looked closer and saw how lovely she was, and how gently touched by age, and she had the same lanky figure as her daughters. How are you, darling? she asked, kissing Allegra and then hurrying off to answer the phone. It was Simon. He was late. He had a problem at the office, but he'd be home in time for dinner.
It was their closeness to each other which had saved them from the stresses of Hollywood over the years, that and the fact that she and Simon had a wonderful marriage. She seldom admitted it, but Blaire's life had been a shambles when she met him. She was in dark despair, and it seemed as though after they were married, everything changed for the better. Her career had taken off from there, their babies had come quickly and easily and been warmly welcomed. They loved their home, and their kids, their careers, and each other. There was absolutely nothing more that either of them would have added, except maybe more children. She'd been thirty-seven when Sam was born, and at the time that had almost seemed too old to her, so she stopped. And now she regretted not having had at least one more, but the three children they had gave them enormous joy, in spite of the occasional squabble with Samantha. Blaire knew she was a little spoiled, but she was a good girl. She did well at school, never really did anything wrong, and if she argued with her mother from time to time, it seemed appropriate to her age and her culture.
When Blaire hung up the phone, she went upstairs and saw Allegra staring out the window of her bedroom, and wandered in to see her.
You can always come home whenever you want, you know, she said softly, watching her oldest child looking surprisingly wistful. She wanted to ask her if something was wrong, but she didn't quite dare. Blaire was always worried that Allegra didn't get enough emotional support from Brandon. He was so independent about everything, and he seemed so unaware of Allegra's needs and feelings. Blaire had done her best to like him in the past two years, but she just didn't.
Thanks, Mom. Allegra smiled at her, and then lay spread-eagled on the big four-poster. Sometimes it felt great just being there, even if she only came home for a couple of hours, and sometimes she also resented the hold they still had on her. She was still so close to them, at times it worried her. She loved them so much, she had never cut ties that other women her age had long since severed. But why should she? Brandon complained that she was too close to them. He claimed that it was unhealthy, and not normal. But she got along so well with them, and they were so supportive of her. What was she supposed to do? Stop seeing them because she was turning thirty?
Where's Brandon? her mother asked, trying to sound casual. She had gotten Allegra's message that she was coming to dinner alone, and she had to admit, she was relieved, but of course she didn't say so. Working late?
He had to go to San Francisco to see the girls, Allegra said, sounding as casual as her mother. But they both knew it was all a ruse to give the impression that they were neither concerned nor bothered.
He'll be back tomorrow though, I'm sure. Blaire smiled, irritated on Allegra's behalf that he never seemed to be there for her. But she was startled by her daughter's answer.
Actually, no. He needed the weekend with them. He's starting a trial on Monday, and he wasn't sure when he'd get back to see them.
He's not coming to the awards? Blaire looked stunned. Did this mean anything? Was this one of the early signs of a breakup? She tried to look merely surprised and not hopeful.
No, it's no big deal. Allegra lied, not wanting to admit to her how upset she had been. It made her feel so vulnerable to admit to her mother when she had problems with Brandon. It made her feel so inadequate when she had trouble with him. Her mother never did with her father. Her parents' relationship had always been perfect. I'm going with Alan.
That's nice of him, Blaire said, looking tight-lipped, and sitting down in a comfortable chair near the four-poster. Allegra was watching her. She knew there would be more, and the inevitable questions. Why wasn't he divorced? Why did he go to San Francisco to see his ex-wife all the time? Did she feel that the relationship was going anywhere? Did she realize that on her next birthday she was turning thirty? Doesn't it bother you when he's not here for things that are important to you? Her mother's clear, blue-eyed gaze cut straight to her soul, and Allegra tried not to let it.
Sometimes, but as he says, we're both grownups with big jobs, and a lot of obligations. Sometimes we just can't be there for each other, and we have to understand it. There's no point making a fuss over it, Mom. He's got two kids in another city, and he needs to see them.
His timing just seems very poor. Doesn't it to you? Allegra wanted to scream, listening to her. And the last thing she wanted to do tonight was defend Brandon. She was upset about it herself, and she didn't want to justify his behavior to her mother. But as the two women exchanged a glance, a tall, dark-haired young man appeared in the doorway.
Who are you two tearing apart now? Brandon, I assume, or is there someone new on the horizon? Her brother, Scott, had just arrived from the airport, and Allegra sat up on her bed with a delighted grin as he took two long strides, sat down next to her, and hugged her.
My God, you've grown again, she said with a groan, as her mother watched them with a warm smile. He looked just like his father. He was six five, and, fortunately, seemed to have stopped growing. He was playing basketball at Stanford. How big are your feet now? Allegra teased. Hers were small for her height, but Sam wore a size nine, and Scott was wearing a size thirteen the last time she asked him.
Still a size thirteen, thanks a lot. He walked over and hugged his mother then, and sat down on the floor to chat with them both. Where's Dad?
On his way home from the office, I hope. He called a little while ago. Sam's upstairs. And dinner's in ten minutes.
I'm starving. He looked great, and it was obvious, from the way she looked, how proud his mother was of him. They all were. He was going to be a terrific doctor. So what's the inside scoop? he asked, turning to Blaire. Are you going to win, as usual, or are you going to disgrace us for once?
Disgrace you, I'm sure. She laughed, trying not to think of the Golden Globes. Even after all these years of writing and producing hit shows, award ceremonies always made her nervous. I think Dad's the one who's going to make us proud this year, she said cryptically, but she wouldn't say more, and then five minutes later, he pulled into the driveway. They all hurried downstairs, and Blaire called upstairs to Sam to get off the phone and come to dinner.
It was a lively meal, and the two men tried to engage in serious conversation over the female hubbub of gossip and news and talk about the awards, and Sam's barrage of questions about Carmen, what she was like, what she wore, who she was going out with. And in the midst of it all, Blaire sat back with a small smile and watched them, her three children, and the husband she had loved for all these years. Not unlike Scott, he was still tall and dark and handsome. He was six four, and there was just a small smudge of gray hair now at his temples, and small crinkles around his eyes, but even those small traces of time only served to make him more attractive. He was a fabulous-looking man, and just watching him still made Blaire tingle. But there was a small ache to it now sometimes, when she let herself worry about the fact that she was changing. He never seemed to change, he only seemed to get better as he got older. But she felt different now; she worried more than she had before, about him, about the kids, about her career. She worried about becoming obsolete, about her ratings having dropped just a bit in the last year, and about Samantha leaving for college. What if she went East after all, or decided to live in the dorms if she went to UCLA? What would she do when they were truly all gone? What if they didn't need her anymore ‘ or she lost the show? What would happen to her when it was all over? What if things should ever change with Simon? But she knew that was foolish.