They dropped him off first and then went to Ed Debevic's on La Cienega, and Carmen said she was only sorry she couldn't change into a T-shirt and blue jeans.
So am I, Alan said wickedly as the two women laughed. Actually, I'll bet you look incredible in jeans. How about coming to Malibu with me tomorrow so I can decide what I like you in better, red evening dress or blue jeans? You know, kind of like the Miss America Pageant ‘ hell, you could win the Miss Congeniality Award ‘ or the bathing suit competition’ . Carmen was laughing at him, and Allegra grinned as they slipped into a booth, and a few of the regulars watched them, as Carmen's two bodyguards slipped into their own booth. It was after midnight.
Alan ordered a double cheeseburger and a chocolate malt, which reminded Allegra of their youth, and she ordered a cup of coffee and a side of onion rings, which was all she wanted. And they all smiled at the waitress, done up in fifties housewife garb. She looked just like Ethel on I Love Lucy.
What about you, Miss Best Actress of the Year? Alan asked Carmen, and she giggled. He had a nice quality with her, part big brother and part romantic hero, and Allegra had to admit as she looked at him that he was everything most women wanted. She had just known him for too long to ever take him seriously, or be turned on by him. And all she wanted now anyway was Brandon.
I'll have apple pie a la mode and a strawberry milkshake, Carmen said, feeling wicked.
Now that we've all won our awards, to hell with calories, give me greasy food before I die, he said, and then gave Carmen a squeeze and a look of admiration. You were great tonight, by the way. You handled it a hell of a lot better than I could have at your age. All that star stuff is pretty goddamn scary. Only another person who lived with the same pressures and pains really understood it, although Allegra did because she lived so close to it.
Every time they come at me, photographers or fans, I just want to run back to Oregon, Carmen said with a sigh.
Tell me about it. Allegra rolled her eyes, and then looked at her more seriously. Alan's right, you were terrific. I was very proud of you.
Me too, Alan said softly. For a minute there, I was afraid they'd trample you on the way in. The press and the media sure get out of hand, don't they? But the bodyguards Allegra had hired had done a good job, she thought, as she glanced over at them at their separate table.
The press scares me to death, Carmen confessed, not that anyone was surprised to hear it. And then Alan asked Allegra how her mom had been when she went over to see her.
Upset, I think, not that she'd ever admit it. She's too proud to ever let anyone know she was hurting. And she probably had mixed emotions. I know she was happy for my dad. But she's been pretty worried about her show and this won't help it. When I went over to talk to her, she was telling my father how great he is, and he looked very excited. I think the humanitarian award really meant a lot to him. More so even than the one for his picture.
He really deserves it, Alan said, and Carmen looked longingly at Allegra.
I sure would like to be in one of his pictures.
I'll say something to him, she said. He was probably interested in her too. She was a big name at the box office, and she had a rapidly growing talent. But Allegra didn't say anything to either of them about Elizabeth Coleson. It was the first time she had ever seen her father look quite that way at anyone other than her mother, but it was probably just professional admiration, and the look she had seen in her mother's eyes was probably just raw emotion after a very exciting night, full of roller-coaster rides of pride and disappointment.
They left Ed Debevic's at two o'clock, after talking about what it had been like to go to Beverly Hills High School, and what Carmen's childhood had been like in Portland. Hers sounded a lot more normal to them than theirs had been, and it made it even harder for her to adjust to the insanity of her life now with tabloids and paparazzi, and awards, and death threats.
Just an ordinary life we all lead, Alan said with a look of amusement as they got back into the limousine, and he pulled Carmen onto his lap, and she made no attempt to escape him.
Would you two like me to take a cab? Allegra teased. It had become even more obvious in the last two hours that they were both extremely attracted to each other.
How about the trunk? Alan asked, and Allegra got into the car and gave him a shove, as Carmen laughed at both of them. In some ways, she envied them their long-standing friendship. She had no friends like that in Hollywood, no friends there at all in fact, except for Allegra. The only people she knew were the people she had worked with, and she never saw them after she finished a picture. They just moved on, and so did she, and one of the things she disliked most about her life in L.A. was how lonely she was, and how seldom she went out, except for evenings like this one, with a studio-appointed date, who was as bored as she was. And she said as much to both of them on the way home, as Alan looked at her in amazement.
You know, half the guys in America would probably give their lives for a date with you. And nobody in the country would believe that you sit home and watch TV every night, he said, but he believed her. His own romantic life was less exciting than most people thought it was, except for the occasional sensational brief affair, which always wound up in the tabloids. Well, we'll have to see about that, Alan said matter-of-factly. She had already agreed to go to his house in Malibu with him the next day, and now he was talking to her about going bowling.
Allegra asked to be dropped off first, and she kissed them both good night, and congratulated Carmen again, and then she let herself into the house, and was surprised to realize how tired she was as she slipped off her high-heeled sandals. It had been an exhausting evening.
Alan and Carmen seemed to be well on their way to a new romance. She was happy for them, and it made her think of Brandon again, as she walked into her kitchen and listened to the messages on her machine. He wasn't supposed to call, but there was always the chance that he had anyway, or had called just to tell her he loved her.
Three of her friends and one of her associates had left messages for her, none of them urgent or even important. And then, finally, there was a message from Brandon. He had just called to say that he'd had a great time with the girls, and would talk to her on Sunday. He never mentioned the awards, hadn't watched them on television, didn't know or say anything about Carmen or her father. And it suddenly made her feel lonely again, listening to him. It was as though he was never really a part of her life, except when he chose to be, and even then only to the extent that he dared enter into it, which was never very far, or very deep. He was always a tourist. And no matter how much she felt for him, or how long their relationship went on, there was always a carefully maintained distance between them.
She nipped off the machine, and walked slowly into her bedroom, taking the pins out of her hair. It cascaded down her back, and she wasn't sure why, but there were tears in her eyes as she unzipped her dress and dropped it over the back of a chair. She was twenty-nine years old, and she wasn't even sure that any man had ever really loved her. It was an odd feeling of solitude as she stood naked in front of the mirrors in her dressing room, wondering if Brandon loved her, if he was even capable of pushing beyond the boundaries he set for himself, and being there for her, just the way she instinctively sensed that Alan wanted to be there for Carmen. It was as simple as that, Alan and Carmen had known each other for one night, and he was reaching out to her, without fear or even hesitation. And here was Brandon, after two years, like a man on a ledge, afraid to take the leap, unable to retreat, and not even willing to hold a hand out to her for comfort. She was alone. It was one of those shocking realizations that make you tremble with the terror of it in the dark of night, until you almost screamed. She was entirely alone. And wherever he was at that precise moment, so was Brandon.