Chapter 4
The first call Allegra got on Sunday morning was from Brandon. He was going out to play tennis with the girls, and he wanted to be sure he caught Allegra before she left. He knew she was leaving for New York sometime that afternoon, and he didn't want to miss her.
How did all your little chickens do? he asked with interest, but it seemed odd to her that he hadn't bothered to watch the news. He could have at least done that, for her parents' sake, if not for Carmen's. But she didn't say anything to reproach him; she was just glad he had called her.
Carmen won best actress in a film, and my father won for best producer of a feature film. And they gave him a special humanitarian award too, which is a really big deal. It was terrific. My mom, unfortunately she sighed as she said it, remembering the look of worry and defeat in her mother's eyes didn't win anything, and I think it upset her pretty badly.
You've got to be a good sport in that business, if nothing else, he said glibly, and Allegra was suddenly angry at him. The fact that he hadn't been at the ceremony was bad enough, but she didn't like him being insensitive about her mother.
It's a little more complicated than that. It has to do with the life of a show, whether or not you win an award. She's been fighting for the show's survival for the last year, and this could lose them important sponsors.
That's too bad, he said, but he didn't sound particularly sympathetic. Tell your dad I said congratulations.
I will, she said, and then he went on to tell her about the day he had spent with his daughters. And the way he changed the subject started to bother her. Seeing the way Alan had treated Carmen the night before, and even the way he had treated her, had reminded her of how sensitive some men were, how solicitous and protective. Not all men were as backed-off, or as purposefully independent as Brandon. He was totally self-sufficient, and he expected her to be equally so. He didn't want her making any demands on him. They were like two parallel ships floating side by side, but with considerable distance between them, in one ocean. But the loneliness she'd felt the night before engulfed her again as she listened to him. More and more lately, she was feeling anxious about their relationship, and abandoned whenever he wasn't there for her. She had always wanted a relationship like the one her parents shared, but she was beginning to wonder if she was even suited to it, or if she was just continuing to pick men who were unwilling to commit, as Dr. Green had suggested.
What time are you leaving for New York? he asked conversationally. She was going to meet a very important bestselling author. His agent had asked her to represent him for a film deal, and she had set up a number of other meetings in New York as well. She was going to have a very busy week, and expected to be involved in some serious negotiations.
I'm taking a four o'clock flight, she said, sounding sad, but he didn't seem to notice. She still had to pack, and she wanted to drop by and see her mother, if she had time, or at least call just to make sure she was all right after the night before. And she thought she should check on Carmen. I'll be at the Regency in New York.
I'll call you.
Good luck with your trial.
I wish I could get him to make a deal, it would go a lot better for him with the prosecutor if he would. But he's very stubborn, he said about his client.
Maybe he will at the eleventh hour, Allegra said hopefully.
I doubt it, and I've done all the groundwork by now. As usual, he was wrapped up in his own world, his own life, and Allegra felt as though she had to fight for his attention. I'll see you next weekend, he said, sounding regretful suddenly. I'm going to miss you. He sounded surprised, and she smiled at the phone. Those were the little hooks that kept her attached to him, ever hopeful. He was capable of loving her, he just didn't have much time, and he was so traumatized by his ex-wife. That was always the excuse. Trauma caused by Joanie. Allegra had explained it to everyone a thousand times. And there were instances when it was so obvious to her, and equally obvious to her that he loved her.
I miss you now, she said, her feelings raw, and there was a long beat of silence.
I couldn't help it, Allie. I had to come here this weekend.
I know. But I missed you last night. That was important to me.
I told you. I'll be there next year. He said it as though he meant it, and she smiled finally.
I'll hold you to that. But where would they be next year? Would he be divorced? Would they be married by then? Would he have overcome his fear of commitment? They were questions that still had no answers.
I'll call you tomorrow night, he promised again, and just before they hung up, he reached out and touched her heart. I love you, Al, he said softly.
I love you too, she said, squeezing her eyes shut. He was there for her, he just had his own fears and obligations to contend with. She understood that. Take care of yourself this week.
I will. You too, he said, sounding as though he was really going to miss her. It made her smile wistfully as she hung up. What they had wasn't easily acquired, but they were getting there, despite what other people thought. She just had to be patient. He was worth it.
She called her parents after that, congratulated her father again, and extended Brandon's congratulations. And then she asked to talk to her mom, and she could still hear the edge of sadness in her voice when she answered.
Are you okay? Allegra asked sympathetically, and Blaire smiled, touched that she had called her.
Oh, no, I'm going to slash my wrists this afternoon, or maybe I'll just stick my head in the oven.
You'd better hurry up, Allegra said with a grin, pleased to hear her joking about it, before they rip out the kitchen. Seriously, Mom, you deserved that award again this year, and you know it.
Maybe not, dear. Maybe it's time to give someone else a turn. We had an awful lot of trouble with the show this fall. One of the stars had quit, tired of it after nine years, and several of the others had asked for enormous raises when they renewed their contracts. Some of the other writers had left too, and as usual, all of the burden of the changes had wound up on Blaire's shoulders. Maybe I'm just over the hill, she added, sounding humorous, but something about the way she said it worried Allegra. It was what she had seen in her mother's eyes the night before too, and it scared her. She wondered if her father was aware of it, and if it concerned him.
Don't be ridiculous, Mom. You've got another thirty or forty years of hits ahead of you, she said optimistically.
Oh, God forbid. Blaire groaned, just thinking of it. And then she laughed and sounded like her old self again. I think I'll shoot for another twenty and then hang it up for good.
I'll settle for that, Allegra said, feeling better about her again, and about Brandon. She was in a much better mood than she had been the day before, and she almost wished she didn't have to leave and go to New York without seeing him. She would have loved to have spent a night with him before leaving.
She told her mother about the trip to New York, and that she'd be back at the end of the week. She always let them know where she was going.
We'll see you when you get back, her mother said, and thanked her for calling. And after that, Allegra called Carmen. She was not yet hysterical, but she was panicking fairly quickly. The press had laid siege to her front gate, and she said there were hordes of them, waiting to pounce on her if she moved a foot out of her house. After winning her award the night before, she was a hot item. The guards Allegra had hired were there, but Carmen was afraid the press would storm the house if she opened the gate to go out. She was a prisoner in her own home, she hadn't been able to go anywhere since that morning.