I've got to work. No more playtime. I told the other guys I'd stick around tonight till midnight, he said, looking mildly panicked at all the work they had to do. Preparing for trial was always like that, which was why she was glad her firm had a litigation team, and she never had to do the actual trial work. She just had to collaborate with them, and give them information. In many ways, what she did was simpler. It was creative in its own way, but it didn't make the brutal demands on her that federal defense work did on Brandon.
Do you want to come here when you're through? she asked, trying not to sound like a supplicant. She liked having him come home to her, and he didn't always want to. And she didn't want him to feel pressured.
I'd love to, he said regretfully. But I really can't. I'll be bushed when I'm through. I've got to go home sometime.
My parents invited us to dinner on Friday, she said, extending the invitation to him. She knew that, in the end, her mother would have invited him anyway, just to please her daughter, whether or not they liked him.
I'm going to see the girls on Friday night, he said matter-of-factly, finishing one of the muffins. I told you.
I didn't think you were serious, she said, looking surprised. What about the Golden Globes? Her eyes were filled with her expectations. They're important. They were important to her, but not to Brandon.
So are Stephanie and Nicky. I have to see them before the trial, he said firmly.
Brandon, I told you about the Golden Globes months ago. That's a big deal to me, and to my parents. And Carmen is nominated too. I can't just forget all that and go to San Francisco, she said, trying to sound calmer than she felt. It was only seven o'clock in the morning.
I understand that you can't go. I don't expect you to, he said perfectly calmly.
But I expect you to go with me, she said, an edge developing in her voice, despite her best efforts. I want you to be there.
That's not a reasonable expectation, Allegra. I told you, I can't. I told you why. I don't see any point in belaboring it. Why do that?
Because it means a lot to me. She took a breath, trying not to get angry at him. There had to be a way to solve the problem to everyone's satisfaction. Look, why don't you stay and go to the awards with me, and we'll fly to San Francisco for the day on Sunday? How's that for a compromise? She looked totally victorious, thrilled that there had been a rational solution, but he was shaking his head and taking a last sip of coffee before he bolted.
That won't work, Allie, sorry. I need more than a day with them. I can't do that.
Why? She knew she was starting to whine, and she reminded herself to stop it.
Because they need more time, and frankly because I need some time to talk to Joanie about the condo at Squaw. She thinks she wants to sell it.
That's ridiculous, Allegra said, losing it finally. You can do that on the phone. For chrissake, Brandon, you've done nothing but talk to her about the condo or the house or the carpet or the car or the dog for the last two goddamn years. This award ceremony is important to us. She was including her family, and he was noticeably unmoved. To him, this was about his family, which consisted of his ex-wife and two daughters. I'm not giving you up to Joanie, she said bluntly.
You're not. He smiled as he stood up, unwilling to be swayed by her, and perfectly willing to show it. But how about to Stephanie and Nicky?
They'd understand if you explained it to them.
I doubt it. And anyway, that's not an option. He stood looking at her, and she stared at him, unable to believe that he was going to let her down and go to San Francisco.
When are you coming back? she asked, aching inside, and wishing she weren't. She was feeling abandoned again, and something in her gut was terrified, and she knew she shouldn't give in to it. He was going to San Francisco to see his kids, and if he was disappointing her it wasn't intentional. It just happened. And yet, why did she feel so terrible about his decision?
She couldn't quite seem to grasp the answer, or even decide if she should be really furious, or just sad that he wasn't going to the Golden Globes with her. Was it really such a big deal? Did she have a right to make those demands on him? And why, when it came to her needs, were his reactions always so confusing? Was it, as Dr. Green said, because she didn't want to admit to herself what he was doing? Was he rejecting her, or just doing what he had to? And why could she never bring herself to answer those questions?
I'm coming back when I always do, on the last plane on Sunday night. I'll be back at ten-fifteen. I could be here by eleven, he said to pacify her, and then she realized with an ache in her heart that she wouldn't be there.
I just remembered, I'm leaving for New York Sunday afternoon. I'll be there all next week, till Friday.
Then you couldn't have come to San Francisco anyway, he said matter-of-factly.
I could leave from there, if you want. If we fly up on Sunday.
That's ridiculous, he said, dismissing her plan as he picked up his briefcase. You have your work to do, Allie, I have mine, and sometimes we just have to be grown-ups about it. He smiled at her almost wistfully as they each realized they wouldn't see one another again for ten days, until the following weekend.
Do you want to come by tonight and stay here, since I won't see you for such a long time? She really wanted him to do that, but as usual, he stuck to his original plan. It was rare for Brandon to make changes.
I really can't. By the time we're through, I'll be too beat to see straight. I wouldn't be much fun for you, and there's no point in just coming here to sack out, is there? But that was where they differed.
Sure there is. You don't have to entertain me, she said as she stood on tiptoe, put her arms around his neck, and kissed him.
I'll see you next week, kiddo, he said coolly, after he kissed her. I'll call you tonight, and tomorrow I'll give you a call before I leave for San Francisco.
Do you want to have dinner at Mom's on Friday before you go? she asked, hating herself for begging. It was exactly what she knew she shouldn't do, except she just couldn't stop herself. She wanted to be with him.
I'd probably miss my plane like I did last time, and then the kids would be upset.
The kids? she asked, raising an eyebrow, and silently telling herself to stop before she blew it. Or Joanie?
Come on, Allie, be a good girl. You know I can't help it. I've got a trial, you've got a trip to New York, I've got two kids in San Francisco. We've both got our obligations. Why don't we just do what we have to do, and then get together afterward and enjoy it? He made it all sound so sensible, and yet some part of her didn't buy it the part that was always disappointed when he didn't show up, like for the awards, or when he went home after they made love, to sleep alone at his place. At least he had spent the night with her the night before, and she reminded herself that she should be grateful for that, and stop nagging him about the weekend.
I love you, she said, as he kissed her in the doorway, and she stood back a little bit so no one could see her naked.
Me too, he smiled at her. Have fun in New York. And don't forget to take your long Johns. It said in the Times today it's snowing.
Great. She looked forlorn as she watched him go, then waved as he got into his car. She closed the front door, and then watched him from her bedroom window as he backed down her driveway. She felt sick as she watched him drive away. Something felt wrong and she wasn't sure what it was, the fact that he wouldn't change his plans, or was going to see Joanie again, with the girls, or just the simple reality that she had to go to the Golden Globes alone now, and explain it to her parents. Or maybe just knowing that she wouldn't see him again for ten days. All of it made her feel miserable as she walked into her bathroom and turned on the shower.