She stood there for a long time, with the water running on her face, as she thought of him and wondered if he'd ever change. Or would he always want to sleep alone, decide it was too much trouble to come by after work, and be married to Joanie forever? As her tears mingled with the hot water, and she told herself how foolish she was to be upset, somehow she couldn't find the answers.
She was exhausted when she finally turned the shower off half an hour later. He was probably at his office by then, and it seemed so odd to her to think that he was still in town, that he would be for two days and she wouldn't see him. And yet, when she tried to explain feelings like that to him, about needing him, or just wanting to be with him, he didn't seem to get it.
Why do you think that is? Dr. Green always asked her.
How do I know? Allegra had snapped at her on more than one occasion.
Do you think it could be due to a lack of commitment on his part? Dr. Green usually persisted. Or maybe that he doesn't care as much for you as you do for him? Or maybe he's just unable to make the kind of commitment you want, she suggested pointedly, following a familiar theme that always unnerved Allegra. Why was she always suggesting that the men in Allegra's life gave her far too little? Why was it a recurring theme, and why did she keep trying to say that it was a pattern? It really annoyed her.
Allegra threw the rest of the blueberry muffins away. He had almost finished them, and she wasn't hungry anyway. She made herself a fresh cup of coffee, and then went to dress. She was ready to leave for work by eight-thirty, and she had some time to spare before she braved the freeway traffic. She glanced at her watch, and knew that her mother would have left for the studio at four A.M., but she left a message on her machine, confirming that she would join them for dinner on Friday night, and she'd be alone. She was sure that when she got there, it would cause comment, particularly if she told them where he was. But at least in the meantime, she didn't have to hear it.
And then, dialing from memory, she called a Beverly Hills number that half the women in America would have given their right arm for. They had been friends since they were fourteen, boyfriend and girlfriend for a brief six months in their sophomore year in high school, and best friends ever since then. He answered, as he always did, unless he was occupied or out, on the second ring, and she smiled at the familiar voice, that to all ears but her own sounded intolerably sexy.
Hi, Alan, it's only me. Don't get too excited. She always smiled when she talked to him, he was that kind of person.
At this hour? He sounded horrified to hear from her, except that she knew he usually got up fairly early. He had just finished a film in Bangkok and he'd been home for three weeks. She also knew that he had just finished a romance with British film star Fiona Harvey. She had heard it from his agent. What did you do last night? Get arrested? Are you calling to get bailed out?
Precisely. Pick me up at the Beverly Hills police station in twenty minutes.
Not on your life. All lawyers belong in jail. As far as I'm concerned, you can stay there. He was thirty years old, with the face and body of a Greek god, but he also happened to be intelligent, and a genuinely decent person. He was one of Allegra's closest friends and the only man she could think of to take to the awards with her. Thinking of Alan Carr as her fallback date somehow made her laugh. Most of the women in America would have died just to meet him.
What are you doing Saturday? she asked bluntly, swinging her foot like a kid, and trying not to think of Brandon, or let him upset her.
None of your business, thank you very much, he said, pretending to sound outraged.
Do you have a date?
Why? Are you going to fix me up with another one of your scary partners? I think the last one was bad enough, you witch!
Oh, come on, you shit. That wasn't a date and you know it. You needed an expert on Peruvian law, and that's what she does, so don't give me any garbage. In fact, I happen to know that she gave you about three thousand dollars' worth of legal advice for free that night, so stop bitching.
Who's bitching? He sounded demure and pretended to be shocked by her language.
You are, and you didn't answer my question.
I have a date with a fourteen-year-old girl who will probably wind me up in jail. Why?
I need a favor. She could tell him anything without artifice or embarrassment; she loved him like a brother.
Yeah. So what else is new? You always need a favor. Who wants my autograph this time?
No one. Absolutely not a soul. I need your body.
Now, there's an intriguing offer. More than once in the past fourteen years, since their last attempt at romance, he had told himself that he should reach out to her again, but she was so like a sister to him that he could never quite bring himself to do it. Yet, she was beautiful, intelligent, and he knew and liked her better than any other woman on the planet. But maybe that was the problem. What exactly do you have in mind for this beaten up, scarred old body?
Nothing pleasant, I swear. And then she laughed. Actually, it won't be too bad. It should be fun. I need a date for the Golden Globes. Mom and Dad are both nominees, and so is Carmen Connors, one of my clients. And I've got two other clients who're contenders. I have to go, and I really don't want to go alone. She was honest with him, she always was, and he loved that.
What happened to what's his name? Alan knew perfectly well what his name was, and he had also told Allegra several times that he didn't like him. He thought Brandon was cold and pompous. And she hadn't talked to him for weeks after the first time he said it. Since then she had gotten used to it, because Alan never missed an opportunity to tell her what he thought, but this time he spared her.
He has to go to San Francisco.
How nice of him, Al. What great timing. Great guy. To see his wife?
No, you asshole, to see his kids. He's starting a trial on Monday.
I'm not sure I understand the connection, he said coolly.
He won't be able to see the kids for a couple of weeks, so he wants to go up and see them.
Have they canceled all the nights from San Francisco to L.A.? Why can't the little darlings come here to see their Daddy?
Their mom won't let them.
Well, that leaves you up shit creek, doesn't it?
Yeah, it does, which is why I called you. Can you make it? she asked hopefully. It really would be fun to go with him. It was always fun being with Alan. It was like being kids again, and they usually told a lot of jokes, laughed a lot, and got pretty rowdy.
It's a sacrifice, but I guess if I really have to, I could change some plans’ . He said with a sigh, and she laughed.
You bullshitter, I'll bet you don't have a thing to do.
I do too. Actually, I was going bowling.
You? She laughed even harder. You wouldn't last five minutes before you'd be mobbed. There's no way you can go bowling.
I'll take you sometime and prove it.
That's a deal. I'd love it, she beamed. As usual, he'd bailed her out. She didn't have to go to the awards alone. Alan Carr was one friend she could always count on.
What time shall I pick you up, Cinderella? He sounded pleased with the arrangement. He always enjoyed being with her.
It starts pretty early. Six o'clock?
I'll be there.
Thanks, Alan, she said, and meant it. I really appreciate it.
Don't be so goddamn grateful, for chrissake. You deserve someone better than me you deserve that jerk to take you, if that's what you want. So don't thank me. Just think how lucky I am. That's what you want to think. What you need is some attitude. How the hell did you ever get so humble? You're too smart to be like that. I'd love to teach that guy a thing or two. He doesn't know how lucky he is. San Francisco, my ass ‘ Alan was muttering and Allegra was laughing, but she felt a thousand times better.