“Let’s get this over with.”
Justin gave my arm a squeeze and together we finished the climb.
At the top of the scaffolding there was a heady breeze. A floor below I’d been sheltered by the brickwork, but now I was completely exposed. The wind tugged at my hair like an old enemy, whipped it back behind my neck and slapped my cheeks with cold hands.
My grip on the final piece of pole was so tight my knuckles almost burst through the glove. My fingers ached and my knees felt like stiffened bolts holding my trembling legs against the prodding of the wind.
“Don’t look down,” Justin whispered.
I looked down.
He’d told me it looked terrifying and it did. Vertigo gripped me and I swayed. Nausea filled me with a hot stew that roiled in my gut and tried to bend me double.
I remembered the hall of mirrors, the one I’d entered during my first day living with the curse. Now my trainers protruded above a drop that stretched and dwindled, just like an image in that funhouse mirror, but it was real. “Oh help.”
“It’s going to be alright. I’ll be holding you all the way.”
“I can’t let go. M-my fingers won’t work.” I stared at him, standing on the pole one over from mine, his arm spanning the distance between us. “H-how did you do it?”
His mouth twisted and his hand spasmed, pinching my skin almost painfully. Maybe it was meant to be a reassuring squeeze. “I didn’t, remember?”
“Oh.” I closed my eyes.
“I’ve got you.” Justin released my arm and I opened my eyes to see him renew his grip on the strut above his head. Then he held his hand out. “Walk as if you’re on a tightrope, hold my hand. It’ll be four little steps then you can hold on again.”
“Four little steps.”
“Less than ten seconds if you do it fast.”
My knees started to shake. There was no way I was going to be able to take even one little step. My legs would betray me, buckle and send me cartwheeling through the insubstantial sky, just like Justin.
Far off in the distance I could hear Tamsin and James. They were shouting at me, trying to make me move.
They could stick it.
“It’s the only way you’ll find out the truth,” Justin murmured. “If you still think I was murdered, if you still think someone down there, one of my friends, had something to do with it. This is the only way you’ll ever get to know.”
“Four little steps,” I choked.
“Holding my hand all the way. You won’t be alone.”
My arm was clamped to my side, but I forced it out like the wing of a bird preparing to glide. My shirt fluttered and the breeze tickled my empty fingers, almost pulled them back, tried to overbalance me. Then Justin’s long fingers curled around my wrist and I clutched his.
I was still holding onto the pole with one hand, so tightly I thought I might leave behind an imprint on the metal. Panting I bullied my cramping fingers open.
I felt my balance shift towards Justin, panic compressed my chest and I quickly threw my arm out to the other side until I was standing still.
My toes itched inside my trainers, desperate to curl around the cylindrical bar. Thank God it hadn’t been raining.
“Ready?” Justin murmured. He knew better than to surprise me by raising his voice.
I gave the barest nod of my head, terrified of altering my position in any way, and he took a tiny step forward.
With a moan of terror, I shuffled my right foot forward no more than a single inch.
“You can do it.” Justin stepped again, leading me by the arm.
Whimpering steadily I forced my foot forward some more, then brought my left one to meet it.
The wind decided to play and jerked my hair in front of my eyes. “Stop,” I cried and felt Justin wobble as he caught his balance and waited for me.
I tossed my head, trying to free my eyes; I didn’t dare brush it aside properly. Finally the wind cooperated and tugged it back again.
I looked. One more step and I’d be in reach of the pole on the other side.
My whimpers turned into tears. I could feel them wetting my numb cheeks and a distant part of myself shouted that I’d never cried in front of Justin when he was alive, so why would I start now?
“Shut the hell up,” I shouted at myself and took that last step, throwing my left arm forward at the very last second and grabbing the pole.
“I did it.” I hugged the cold metal with my eyes closed. The other hand I left in Justin’s.
“Yes, you did.” Justin’s tone made me look up. His voice was pleased, but his eyes were tortured. “Well done.” I had succeeded where he had not. It must hurt.
“Don’t let go.” Alarm entered my tone as he loosened his grip.
“It’s OK.” He released my wrist and immediately weaved his long fingers through mine. “You did great.”
There was a crossbar just in front of my pole and Justin carefully stepped across and stood in front of me.
Impulsively I released my hold on the pole and threw my arms around him. I could feel my heart thudding against his hollow chest, my cheeks wet against his cold throat.
“I thought I was going to die.”
“I know.” He ran his palms along my spine. Somehow, even up in the sky his touch calmed me.
I clenched my fists in his blazer and raised my head.
His face was right above mine. His lips were wet as if he’d just licked them and his eyes blazed with dark fire. Suddenly he bent his head and touched his mouth to mine. Gently at first, then hard, as if my kiss was the only thing he’d ever wanted.
I froze, surprise turning my lips into ice.
It wasn’t my first kiss. Years ago I’d had a moment with Pete, but it hadn’t felt like this. My limbs tingled and my blood sang in my ears.
Justin’s lips were soft and slightly chill. After an eternity his mouth opened. I breathed past his lips softly but no breath came back to twine with mine. My nose pressed into his cheek and I inhaled the fading scent that was all him.
There was a hint of roughness on his skin, it wasn’t yet stubble, but one day it would have been. I moved one hand to his face and breathed harder. Justin’s lips seemed to grow warmer as if his skin was absorbing my heat. He groaned into my mouth as I felt his fists on my back.
Then I wobbled.
Off-balance we broke apart and gripped the poles on either side of us, gasping as we remembered where we were.
My knees were shaking and I felt a hundred years old. I guessed exhaustion had caught up with me as adrenaline poured out and was replaced by… something else.
I let my hair blow over my face and looked at Justin through the curtain. I opened my mouth to ask if he was alright, or maybe if he’d meant the kiss, but the whole world tilted and my knees buckled.
As unconsciousness took me, I sensed my fingers relax on the metal brace and felt myself begin to fall. My last impression was Justin’s horror-struck face and my last thought: at least I wouldn’t know about it when I hit the Darkness.
27
FROM THE FIRST MOMENT
“Tay, you have to wake up. I don’t know how long I can hold you.”
I didn’t want to wake up. I was comfortable, my hands were relaxed at my sides, dangling in a cool breeze, and someone had their arms around me.
“Tay, can you hear me?”
“Go away,” I murmured.
“You really don’t want me to do that.”
“Justin?” I frowned and opened my eyes.
Then I remembered. I jerked and clutched at him, scrambling for a safe foothold as well.
“Y-you caught me.”
He nodded and helped me move until I could sit carefully on a plank.