“No shit,” I said. “It’s run by cats.”
“Exactly. We’re the first and only intelligence agency run by animals, and we pride ourselves on the fact. But what makes us really special is that we are not engaged in some intelligence war with other spy agencies, like our human counterparts are.”
“I know what you mean,” I said. “The Russians are spying on the Americans are spying on the Chinese are spying on the Russians…”
“And it goes on and on. We are not like that. We don’t spy on other feline agencies because there are no other feline agencies to spy on.”
“Perhaps there’s a canine agency?” I ventured, for I’d just seen a movie called ‘Cats and Dogs’ the other day with Zack, and the set-up had struck me as sound.
“No. There’s no canine agency; and if there was, and I’m not aware of the existence of one, we wouldn’t consider it our enemy anyway. In fact dogs are an integral part of our organization and help us out on a regular basis.”
“Frank?” I said.
She nodded.“He knows and he’s one of our many informants. Now, you’ll probably wonder what our main purpose is?”
“I do,” I said eagerly, and I did. I’d never heard about this FSA and wondered how they’d been able to keep it a secret from one as inquisitive as I am.
“Have you ever heard of the concept of the Guardian Angel?”
I had to laugh at this.“Those chubby-looking dudes wearing diapers and hovering around on their wings of fairy dust?”
She grimaced.“Not exactly. Though that’s probably the way humans like to imagine their guardian angels to be. It would be closer to the truth to say that a guardian angel is a furry mammal with a longish tail, short snout and retractile claws.” She paused and I blinked.
“Oh,” I said, trying to imagine an angel with a tail, snort snout and claws and covered in fur. “But they still have golden curls, chubby cheeks and wings, right?”
She laughed for the first time and I was relieved.“No, silly. The real guardian angels are us, cats. We are the ones tasked with the responsibility of looking after humans any way we can. Well, at least card-carrying members of the FSA, of course,” she added as she saw my look of incredulity.
“We are supposed to look after humans?” I said, and my mind boggled at the notion. “But I thought it was the other way around. Zack looks after me. I don’t look after him.”
“Now, that’s where you’re wrong,” she said gently, for she could see I was wrestling with the concept. “How many times have you saved Zack from harm?”
“Zero times,” I said truthfully. “Generally I do my thing and he does his thing and the twain only meet at night when we share the couch to watch silly action movies and other such nonsense.”
“That’s where you’re mistaken,” said Dana. “Do you remember about one month ago when Zack had left the gas stove burning even after he’d removed the pan? The house could have gone up in flames if he hadn’t switched off the burner.”
I did remember the incident. My keen sense of smell had detected the omission even before the towel had been set aflame. And though I’d given a squeak of surprise at the time, I didn’t remember having done anything to prevent the disaster from taking place. After all, I’m not a dog. I don’t go in for that sort of thing. Then a thought struck me. “How do you know about that?”
“Ah, that’s where the plot thickens,” she spoke mysteriously. “Now, did the house burn down that day?”
I reflected.“No, it didn’t,” I admitted. “Zack noticed in time, hurried over to the kitchen and put out the fire. And good thing he did. He’d just bought a 15 kilo supply of fresh kibble and that would have been toast if he hadn’t.”
“Yes, well, you may wonder why he suddenly noticed?”
I twitched my ears.“To tell you the truth…”
“No, I didn’t think so.”
There was a hint of reproof in her voice, but I let it go.“So how did you know?”
She leaned in and said in a low voice, her eyes twinkling,“Because I was there.”
“Hah!” I said, more in surprise than disbelief. “Huh?”
“I was there from the moment you sent out the signal.”
“What signal? I didn’t send out any signal.”
“You did. The moment you sensed the danger, you automatically emitted a signal, which was picked up at FSA headquarters, which dispatched me to the Zapp homestead. I then nudged Zack into action, with the result that you know.”
I scratched my scalp with one claw. This didn’t make any sense. “But how come I didn’t see you?” was only the first of many questions that came to mind.
“That’s because I was invisible.”
8
Brutus Revisited
“Oh, boy,” I said. This was really getting beyond me. The spy story she’d dished up was fine, and so was the FSA. But this stuff about guardian angels and invisible cats… I realized Dana was either mad as a hatter or simply pulling my leg.
I looked up and noticed a full moon was out tonight, and suddenly I felt a strong yearning for my favorite tree. There’d probably be field mice in the park, and perhaps even a small rat or two. An empty feeling in the pit of my stomach reminded me there were more important things to do than listen to the ramblings of a certified nutcase. “I think I’m off,” I said therefore.
Dana stiffened.“Is that so?”
“Yah. The weather is fine and the vast wilderness awaits the lone hunter.”
“Don’t you want to hear the rest of the story?”
“Nah, think I’ll skip this one. Invisible cats, guardian angels, strange messages… I’m not so much into fantasy tales myself. I’m more of an action thriller guy. See ya.”
And before she could feed me any more of her patent nonsense, I’d taken a quick leap from the bench and was off running at a speed I knew she would have a hard time matching. Unless she took wings and flew, of course. I grinned at the prospect. Mad as a coot, that dame.
It seemed there wasn’t much substance to Dana’s story, though, for I reached the park without any angels crossing my path, and was up in my tree enjoying the view spread out before me without so much as one invisible cat breathing a word of protest. I sighed a long sigh of relief at finally being on my own again. Who did Dana think she was fooling? Hah. Not me.
I looked down at the peaceful scene below. The notion that a murder had taken place there gave me a tiny shiver of apprehension, but it soon passed. I’d spent so many happy hours in the company of this tree that horrific events like the one I’d been a witness to were blotted out by the thousands of good memories afforded me.
I stretched out languidly on the thick branch that was home away from home and closed my eyes to slits for a moment, quietly observing the wonders of the night. Other cats were on the prowl, but they all knew better than to disturb me. I’d marked this tree for my own and apart from Dana, no one ever bothered me here. Then I heard Brutus speaking irreverently to some poor schmuck and I was reminded that there was one other cat that habitually trespassed on my private property.
“Hey, fathead!”
I wondered who the poor cat was that the big brute had selected for a game of browbeating this time. Probably some feckless youth wandering out into the park for the first time in his life.
“I’m talking to you, meatball.”
So sad, I thought, that bullies have to pick on smaller cats just to boost their own self-esteem. There probably was some psychological explanation for this kind of behavior, and I was pretty sure it had something to do with the length of the thug’s tail, which was surprisingly short.
“Hey, Tommy!”
I opened my eyes with a start. Not only did it now occur to me that Brutus was addressing me and not some random stranger, but all of a sudden his voice sounded a lot closer than before. I looked up and lo and behold: my nemesis had parked his big butt on the same branch I habitually selected for my nighttime entertainment, and now sat staring at me with that mocking expression on his ugly visage.