The abruptness of his question and his sobriety took me unawares, bringing to me at first a feeling of outrage. Never in all my kalod as a warrior and war leader had males made so bold as to enmesh themselves in my doings, yet from the time I had begun traveling in their lands, they had done little else. I had long since grown weary of the intrusion, no matter the curiosity which prompted it, and there was little reason to allow it to continue.
“Speak to me first of the reasons for which you were condemned to the Caverns of the Doomed,” I retorted, taking his gaze and holding it with mine. Much did I expect the male to withdraw in insult at the boorishness of the demand, yet he did no more than smile faintly.
“I took the life of a man with my bare hands,” said he, folding his arms as he continued to gaze upon me. “The man gave me great insult, so great that I was unable to control my rage, yet the then Shadow considered the insult insufficient cause for so permanent a reply. He may perhaps have been correct, yet I have never regretted the doing. Should you be unwilling to answer a question I put to you, girl, you need only indicate your unwillingness. Should it become my intention to intrude, I will first make mention of it.”
The cool of the cavern continued to bring comfort to my body, yet the heat of shame entered my cheeks so that I found I must look away from the male who continued to gaze upon me with undisturbed calm. Once had Chaldrin refused to speak of the reason for the condemnation of one of his males, the question having then been put by Aysayn during our time in the Caverns. For him to now speak of his own condemnation was a sharing I had not expected nor, in my opinion, one that I merited. After sharing battle with him I had spoken of my willingness to call Chaldrin sister-brother, as he was male-yet my actions toward him had been colored with the awareness of his maleness and no other thing. The male had done naught to be slighted in such a manner, and would have been well within his rights to offer me challenge for the doing. A greasy, knotted lock of hair fell across my shoulder into my view, and I shook it back with impatience.
“Many are the males who have offered Jalav shame and insult,” said I, the words coming with difficulty. “Chaldrin, too, offered Jalav the same, yet was he filled with sufficient honor to also allow her the challenge, which the others had not. I have wrapped my life sign about the hilt of my dagger for a reason I do not yet fully understand, for I feel a great reluctance to don that which is, in fact, the guardian of my soul. Perhaps the matter will be resolved with the passage of time, yet now I must leave it as it currently stands. Should you wish to give me the challenge, I will not refuse you.”
I then attempted to pass him and return to where my kan stood tied, yet his arm came up before me and halted my steps. With great gentleness did his hand turn me toward him again, and I looked up to see the continued sobriety of his gaze.
“Shame and insult and no mention of pain,” said he, looking hurt. “Is pain, then, a thing you have come to expect from all men as a matter of course? I give Sigurr my most profound thanks that I am now able to stand by your side, girl, to see that no further pain comes to you. The punishment I gave you was at the time justified, yet do I now regret it as I regret little else in my life. In reparation to you and the gods do I now offer a lifetime of service, no matter the length of that lifetime. Should I also find the need to give my life, I will do so gladly.”
“Chaldrin may well find himself eternally occupied,” said I, smiling faintly. “A warrior may indeed expect only pain from a male. Have you no intention, then, of offering me the challenge?”
“I most certainly have no intention of offering you the challenge,” said he, suddenly amused. “I would not have the lifetime I spoke of abruptly shortened, for Treglin is no longer about to reclaim my errors. Perhaps I will one fey try you again with a weapon other than the sword, yet one which is shielded. Solely to be sure, of course, lest you prove yourself—adequate.”
Gentle laughter came to me then, laughter which the male shared, and then did we both turn about and retrace our steps through the dimness to where Wedin and Dotil attempted to choose mounts. Little knowledge of kand did the Summa have, yet was Chaldrin able to indicate those mounts which had belonged to the followers of the Oneness, and I able to speak upon the most important points. The male left us to the choosing, yet had he returned in the few reckid necessary for the Summa to prepare themselves. His mount stood near to mine, therefore did we walk together behind the Summa in our departure from the cavern; the Summa passed through toward the outer air, eager to try for themselves the kand they had chosen, and one who had nearly been forgotten by me stepped out before me, determined persistence visible even in her upset.
“War leader, you must allow me to accompany you,” said Ilvin, her light eyes insistent despite her misery. “I know not where you this time ride, yet must you allow me to stay beside you!”
“Your request seems oddly familiar, Ilvin,” I said, hiding my annoyance. “Upon the instance previous was my word disobeyed, yet this time I will not have it so. You ride to your clan and war leader and a punishment well earned, you do not ride with me.”
“And yet you allow males and Summa to accompany you!” protested the pale-haired warrior, a great indignation upon her. She stood before me with fists clenched tight, body squarely in my path, and much did I believe that she meant to remain so, even were I to lead my kan over her. “Have those who follow you loyally now been relegated to a place beneath males and Summa? Is a Hitta warrior too poor in your eyes to merit a place at your side? It is undeniable that I have disobeyed you, and equally undeniable that punishment has been earned; that punishment, however, need not be given by any save you.”
“You would have me give you punishment?” I asked, with even greater annoyance. It was scarcely my place to punish the warrior of another war leader, save that that warrior chose to stand with naked blade before me—or requested that I see to the matter. I might not honorably deny her request, for the doing was more favorably looked upon by Mida were she to expliate her disobedience directly with she who was disobeyed. I had not the time to devise an adequate punishment, nor had I clan sisters who might be called upon to aid in the thing, yet Ilvin cared not. She knew only that I might not honorably deny her request, and therefore would it be necessary that she accompany me; she now stood before me with a glint of satisfaction in the light of her eyes, no longer taken by upset, no longer indignant. That she showed no trace of smug accomplishment meant only that she retained a certain respect for the temper of a war leader, not that she felt naught of the feeling. I met the newly come complaisancy in her eyes with an anger which did naught to diminish it, then stumbled upon a thought possibly Mida-sent, which cooled my anger. So I was to give this warrior a punishment, was I? So I was to search for a thing to teach her reluctance for disobedience, such as living a hand of feyd in the forests alone, with naught save a dagger? I had not the time for a punishment such as that, yet might there be a thing considerably worse, for which there was ample time.
“So, Ilvin, you would have me give you a punishment,” I said with thoughtfulness, reaching over to stroke the soft brown nose of my kan. “It has given you great upset that I have been sent by Mida among males alone, yet have you neglected to think upon the reason for this. Mida had no wish to put the burden of such a thing upon more Midanna than necessary, therefore was Jalav bidden to ride alone. Should you remain with me and accept punishment from my hand, that punishment will be to learn a good deal more concerning males than your recent capture has taught you.”