“So, sister, you have used the darkness to return happiness to us both,” said Chaldrin, halting me with a hand upon my shoulder, just without the dwelling. The weapons which Aysayn had given me were there, yet would I have gone past them without sight had Chaldrin not halted me. “Happiness alone, however, is scarcely sufficient for your safety in the forests, my girl. You must take care not to grow lax in the presence of your body’s recent satisfaction.”
“Satisfaction was scarcely the sole thing I was given,” I muttered in answer, keeping my eyes from the male as I took the swordbelt and closed it about me, then set the dagger in my leg bands. “Should you have come to add your punishment to Mehrayn’s for my having given you anger with my actions, best would be that you see to it at once. There are tasks I must soon be about, and I cannot long delay their beginning. ”
“You would have me attempt your punishment the while you stand armed?” he asked, his amusement clear from the chuckling produced by him. “Surely, had you made such an offer before taking up that swordbelt, I would have . . . .”
His words broke off as I tore away the swordbelt and threw it from me, his silence filled with shock as I sent the dagger after the sword. The ache within me was as deep as it had been when Mehrayn had first spoken of the matter, and I put one hand to my middle against that ache, feeling the moisture which filled my eyes. So horribly unthinking had been my actions, so mindlessly uncaring of consequences had I been!
“No, wench, it cannot be that you weep!” said Chaldrin, shocked, and then were his arms about me, holding me to him with one hand to my hair. “You must tell me what the Sword did to you in punishment,” said he, a growl beginning in his throat. “That punishment was due you is undeniable, yet to bring one such as you to tears—! I must know what was done!”
“He—spoke of my intention to bring hatred to you and him,” I whispered, clinging to the male in an attempt to throw off the trembling which had seized me. “He knew I had done as I did so that you and he would be pleased if my life were lost attempting Mida’s task, yet did he ask what I would have done had I succeeded in breeding hatred within the two of you—and then had lived. It came to me then that never again would I have known the strength of his arms, the unending pleasure of his use, never again would I have known the glorious soul-sharing of the presence of a brother by my side. My life would then have returned to the emptiness it once was, Chaldrin, only then I would have known the exact magnitude of my loss.”
The tears continued their trail down my cheeks, yet was I beyond berating myself for so weakling a doing. In memory had I returned to my time with Ceralt, one who had, in full awareness, done as I had attempted to do. Only then was I able to fully understand the complete meaning of what he had done, the strength which had been required to provoke the hatred of one he would have given his life for. I had no doubt that Ceralt would have given his life for me, for he had attempted to give even more with his actions, doings which brought even greater pain than they gave. His words had shown that he knew full well the loss which would have been his had he not found death, and yet he had been willing to accept that loss so that I would be spared the pain of his ending. How blind I had been to see naught save his doings themselves, naught save the shame and humiliation given me! How small were those things when compared with what he, himself, must have suffered, and yet no word of pain had ever passed his lips!
“Ah, wench, you have been harshly punished indeed,” sighed Chaldrin, stroking my hair in an attempt to give me comfort. “To be shown the trace meaning of one’s actions, to be forced to face the barrenness of one’s existence without those one cares for—I much doubt I would have had the strength for such a doing. The Sword has clearly forced himself to it for your sake—so that you will not consider such a thing a second time.”
“Also was I given other punishment,” said I, finding something of the comfort Chaldrin sought to give. “To have left me entirely unpunished would have been to have left me to naught save considerations of might-have-beens, Mehrayn said, and also had he no wish to leave his own resentments unresolved. His second doing was both more and less painful than the first, yet did it serve to take from him the angered memory of my own doing.”
“Which was the reason for your having offered me my own turn with you,” Chaldrin observed, understanding clear in his voice. “You had no wish to leave me with memories of anger which might fester and eventually drive me from you. I value such consideration more than I am able to say, girl. What was the manner of the Sword’s second doing?”
“He—beat me,” I replied, of a sudden more than eager to end the discussion. I attempted to move from Chaldrin’s arms, yet did the male continue to hold me to him with a chuckle.
“I find it fascinating that embarrassment may be felt as easily within you as fear may be felt in the body of another,” said he, the dark shadow of his face looking down upon me. “I need no longer ask of the sort of beating you were given, for it was surely the sort he was given himself. Did he bring forth a switch to use?”
“He had no switch,” I replied with disgust. “Nor would he have used one had one been easily to hand, he informed me. I would likely find the need to stand in challenge with the new light, said he, and he had no desire to see me ended by cause of an inability to move with my usual speed.”
“Therefore did he use no other thing than his hand,” Chaldrin concluded with a nod. “I, too, am mindful of the challenge you face, and would also be willing to forgo the use of a switch. Are you prepared to receive the same punishment from me that you received from the Sword?”
In memory I felt again the weight of Mehrayn’s hand, returning to me what he had been given, felt again the silent tears which had streamed down my cheeks at the growing ache in my bottom. Sooner would I have faced the whip Chaldrin had once beaten me with, for the whip had brought pain only to my body, none to my pride, yet was I unable to request near-crippling pain in place of humiliation. There was indeed a challenge I would likely need to face, and the accomplishing of Mida’s tasks held far more import than even the preservation of my pride.
“Chaldrin may do as he wishes with this Midanna,” I said at last, looking down from the eyes I was not yet able to see. “The debt I owe him is large, and the manner of settling it may be the choice of none save him. Do as you must, brother. There will be no challenge between us at the end of it. ”
Well prepared was I for accepting that which was necessary, yet was Chaldrin briefly silent, then did he raise my face to his again.
“No debt of any size stands between us, sister,” said he, his fingers steady beneath my chin. “That my life remains mine through your recent efforts may not be denied, and a doing such as that excuses much. What remain between us are bonds of love, a form of love uninvolved with bodily doings, a form of love which allows feelings of annoyance and exasperation to exist along with it. Never did I feel true anger with you, girl, merely exasperation, which calls for no more than a small punishment to banish it entirely. This punishment I will postpone till exasperation touches me again at some doing of yours, and only then will I demand the right you have freely given me. Yet must I also give you clear warning: should you again involve yourself in such destructive foolishness, you will keenly regret having given me leave to do you as I would. I feel Mehrayn has the right of it, and I will give you the same as you received from him, yet not with so light a touch.”