The Wise Woman

She stumbled a little as she walked, her eyes watching the sheep track beneath her feet. Every now and then she moaned very softly, like an animal in a trap for a long, long night of darkness. 'How shall I ever get back?' she said to herself as she walked. 'How shall I ever get back? How shall I ever learn to bear it here?'

At the edge of the moor, where the land flattened in a curved sweep under the wide, unjudging sky, Alys paused. There was a little heap of stones tossed into a cairn by shepherds marking the path. Alys squatted down on one dry stone and leaned back against the others, closed her eyes and turned her face up to the sun, her face locked in a grimace of grief.

After a few moments she narrowed her eyes and looked southward. The moorland was very flat, bending across the skyline in a thousand shades of green, from the dark lushness of moss around a bog, to the pale yellow colour of weak grass growing on stone. The heather roots and old flowers showed pale grey and green, a bleak landscape of subtle beauty, half pasture, half desert. The new heather growth was dark green, the heather flowers pale as a haze. Alys looked more sharply. A man was striding across the moor, his plaid across his shoulder, his step determined. Alys got to her feet quietly, ready to turn and run. As he saw the movement he yelled out, and his voice was whipped away by the steady wind which blew over the top of the moor, even on the calmest of days. Alys hesitated, ready for flight, then he yelled again, faintly: 'Alys! Wait! It's me!'

Her hand went to her pocket where the beads of her rosary were rounded and warm. 'Oh no,' she said. She sat down again on the stones and waited for him to come up to her, watching him as he marched across the moor.

He had filled out in the four years she had been away. When she had left he had been a boy, lanky and awkward but with a fair coltish beauty. Now he was sturdy, thickset. As he came closer she saw that his face was tanned red from sun and wind, marred with red spiders of broken veins. His eyes, still that piercing blue, were fixed on her.

'Alys,' he said. 'I've only just heard you were back. I came at once to see you.'

'Your farm's the other way,' she said drily. He flushed a still deeper red. 'I had to take a lamb over to Trowheads,' he said. 'This is my way back.'

Alys' dark eyes scanned his face. 'You never could lie to me, Tom.'

He hung his head and shuffled his thick boots in the dust. 'It's Liza,' he said. 'She watches me.' 'Liza?' Alys asked, surprised. 'Liza who?' Tom dropped to sit on the heather beside her, his face turned away, looking back over the way he had come. 'Liza's my wife,' he said simply. 'They married me off after you took your vows.'

Alys flinched as if someone had pinched her. 'I didn't know,' she said. 'No one told me.'

Tom shrugged. 'I would have sent word but…' he trailed off and let the silence hang. 'What was the use?' he asked.

Alys looked away, gripping the beads in her pocket so tight that they hurt her fingers. 'I never thought of you married,' she said. 'I suppose I should have known that you would.'

Tom shrugged. 'You've changed,' he said. 'You're taller, I reckon, and plumper. But your eyes are the same. Did they cut your hair?'

Alys nodded, pulling the shawl over her shaven head a little tighter.

'Your lovely golden hair!' Tom said, as if he were bidding it farewell.

A silence fell. Alys stared at him. 'You were married as soon as I left?' she asked. Tom nodded.

'Are your mother and father still alive?' He nodded again. Alys' face softened, seeking sympathy. 'They did a cruel thing to me that day,' she said. 'I was too young to be sent among strangers.'

Tom shrugged. 'They did what they thought was for the best,' he said. 'No way for them to foretell that the abbey would be burned and you would be homeless and husbandless at the end.'

'And in peril,' Alys said. 'If the soldiers come back they might take me. You won't tell anyone that I was at the abbey, will you?'

The look he shot at her was answer enough. 'I'd die rather than see you hurt,' he said with a suppressed anger. 'You know that! You've always known it! There never was anyone else for me and there never will be.'

Alys turned her face away. 'I may not listen to that,' she said.

He sighed, accepting the reproof. 'I'll keep your secret safe,' he said. 'In the village they think only that Morach has a new apprentice. She has said before that she was seeking a girl to do the heavy work. No one has thought of you. You've been forgotten. The word is that all the nuns are dead.'

'Why did you come this way then?' Alys demanded. He shrugged his shoulders, his coarse skin blushing brick-red. 'I thought I'd know,' he said gruffly. 'If you had died I would have known it.' He thumped his chest. 'In here,' he said. 'Where I carry my pain for you. If you had died it would have gone… or changed. I would have known if you were dead.'

Alys nodded, accepting Tom's devotion. 'And what of your marriage?' she asked. 'Are you comfortable? Do you have children?'

'A boy and a girl living,' he said indifferently. 'And two dead.' He paused. There were four years of longing in his voice. 'The girl looks a little like you sometimes,' he said.

Alys turned her clear, heart-shaped face towards him. 'I have been waiting to see you,' she said. Tom shivered helplessly. Her voice was as piercing and sweet as plain-song. 'You have to help me get away.'

'I have been racking my brains to think how I can serve you, how I can get you away from that wretched old woman and that hovel!' Tom exclaimed. 'But I cannot think how! Liza watches the farm, she knows to a groat what we have made. My mother and she are hand in glove. I took a risk coming to see you at all.'

'You always did dare anything to be with me,' Alys said encouragingly.

Tom inspected a callus on the palm of his hand. He picked moodily at the hard skin with one stubby fingernail. 'I know,' he said sullenly. 'I ran to you like a puppy when I was a child, and then I waited outside the abbey for you like a whipped dog.'

He shifted his gaze to Alys' attentive face. 'Now you are come out of the abbey everything is changed again,' he said hesitantly. 'The King's Visitors said that you were not true nuns and the lord's chaplain says Hugo did well to drive you out. The abbey is gone, you are a free woman again, Alys.' He did not dare look at her but stared at the ground beneath his feet. 'I never stopped loving you,' he said. 'Will you be my lover now?'

Alys shook her head with an instinctive revulsion. 'No!' she said. 'My vows still stand. Don't think of me like that, Tom. I belong to God.'

She paused, shot him a sideways glance. It was a difficult path she had to find. He had to be tempted to help her, but not tempted to sin. 'I wish you would help me,' she said carefully. 'If you have money, or a horse I could borrow, I could find an abbey which might take me in. I thought you might know of somewhere, or can you find somewhere for me?'

Tom got to his feet. 'I cannot,' he said simply. 'The farm is doing badly, we have only one working horse and no money. God knows I would do anything in the world for you, Alys, but I have neither money nor a horse for you.'

Alys' pale face was serene though she was screaming inside. 'Perhaps you will think of something,' she said. 'I am counting on you, Tom. Without your help, I don't know what will become of me.'