"And if it does come to the chancellor," the Rat Raiser breathed, "he will have piles of such petitions. He must decide which to show the queen, and which Her Majesty would count a waste of time."
"And which ones might make the chancellor look bad," I added. "if the king should discover he has suppressed a report ... !"
"He'll have a good excuse. He 'lost' it, or it was too minor to trouble her Majesty with, or-"
"Enough." The king closed his eyes, pressing a hand to his forehead. "Can a monarch care so little for his power?"
"No, Majesty, but she can care that little about her people. All Suettay really cares about is whether the taxes come in, and whether the orders she does give are obeyed."
"And her chancellor will always assure her they are," the Rat Raiser finished.
The king lowered his hand and looked up again, eyes burning. "Yet if what you say is true, the land would be near chaos! Bandits would be rife ..."
"I was beset by armed bands three times, ere I met the wizard," Frisson murmured.
"... barons would cease to fear the king's peace and would rise against one another in war ..."
"We've seen it," I said, "and they do it with the queen's blessing."
The king stared, aghast. "And the peasants? Cares she not that they starve?"
"She cares that they be able to farm," Frisson said, "that they grow wool for her to shear. Beyond that? What cares she if they wallow in squalor? if their clothes are rags, and their faces pinched with hunger? When they are too weak to follow the plow, mayhap she will take notice . . ."
"Yet before they come to that," Gilbert put in, "they will have ablured the faith and gone to serve the reeve - or taken to the greenwood, and gone in banditry."
"Her minions set neighbor against neighbor," Frisson added, "by saying that whosoever the village watchman chooses as best plowman shall be accorded extra victuals-meat once a week, a sack of meal each month, and new cloth for his family."
"These are great prizes indeed," the Rat Raiser informed him.
Angelique stared, shocked. "Will they not, then, seek each to plow harder?"
"Aye, and all will excel. Yet the watchman must rank them, as first, second, and third - so each peasant seeks to curry favor with the watchman and to revile his neighbors. They, in turn, seek to take the credit for his work, by claiming 'twas of their doing; and each seeks to make all others believe poorly of his fellows."
"Each bailiff, meanwhile, accepts favors from his watchmen," the Rat Raiser added, "and the plowman is pressed to bring his comely wife, or his blooming daughter, to the bailiff for the night-"
"If those chaste ladies have not come to the watchman themselves," Frisson pointed out, "seeking favor for their husbands-"
"Or for themselves, in disdain of their husbands-"
"Anon the husband, discovering he's a cuckold, strikes down his wife-"
"And the plowmen ply the watchman with such gifts as they may discover-"
"Uh, boys, I think that's enough," I said. The king looked ready to explode.
"Enough it is - a surfeit!" The king turned his back, stalking away toward the archway, where he stood looking down. "Alas for Allustria! If matters have come to so foul a pass there, we must find a way to hale down this false queen!"
I breathed a sigh of relief and saw my friends go limp. I, of course, was as sturdy as spaghetti.
"Yet we cannot tear out her whole government, root and branch," the king mused, "or the land will be plunged into chaos absolute and in that chaos, Satan's minions may well establish themselves anew."
"But you cannot leave these parchment-bound clerks to plunder the people!" Gilbert cried.
"Nor shall I - but 'tis you who must do the work. I can aid you with knowledge, I can tell you where to seek the lever that will topple the tyrant; I may even lend you strength, through the strands of my web. Yet I cannot march with you; I must remain here, in the nexus of the worlds."
The others stared, not understanding, but the Gremlin nodded, and I pursed my lips. "We can't rightly ask for more - and the bureaucrats will be quick to reform, once they see their sorcerer overthrown, and a God-dedicated king on the throne. But how about the system, Majesty? Any bureaucracy has certain inherent tendencies toward corruption. "
"Why, so does a man," the king cried, "and 'tis naught but the morality stemming from his sense of self that makes him retain his wholeness, his integrity, to resist the Tempter! And whence, I ask you, comes that morality, that self-warding wisdom?"
"Why - from the priests," I admitted, "and the philosophers. And the poets, and all the wise men who try to guide people away from ruin and toward fulfillment."
"An odd choice of terms." The Spider King frowned. "Yet they are nearly as true as to say that the men of God guide us away from the road to Hell and seek to set our feet on the path to Heaven. And as they do for men and women, so may they do for the government by clerks."
"A spiritual adviser for a bureaucracy?" I frowned.
"I'll have to convinced a bureaucracy has think about that, Your Majesty. I'm not a conscience."
"Why, then, 'tis a beast, and not a soul, and may be purged and goaded without compunction! You have but to find your emetic and your prod."
"Now wait a minute!" I held up a hand. "It's made of human beings, after all!"
"Who need to be governed in their own right," the king returned, "and justice meted out, even to those who mete out justice."
"Who shall watch the watchers?" I hazarded.
"Nay," Frisson said. " 'Who shall govern the government?"
"Be mindful!" The king raised a forefinger. "If they are humans, may not another human be their conscience? For is not a 'conscience,' after all, but the wisdom to preserve one's own soul?"
"Recognizing one's ultimate good, even if it means a temporar or apparent loss?" I frowned. "Interesting notion. But even human consciences need to be made aware of the pain and disaster that befall those who stray."
"Then make them so aware! Find some device that will punish the clerk who strays, and will make his plans of malice go awry!"
"Why," the Gremlin chuckled, "that can I do." The Spider King bent his frowning gaze upon the monster. "I am sure that you can - but have you the self-denial to withhold your mischief when a clerk does rightly?"
I stared. "You two know each other?"
The king looked up, amused. "Whence did you think he came, Wizard?"
"We are both outside the universes," the Gremlin explained, "and flit from one to another, as need or inclination dictates." I found myself wondering about the forms of angels - or disguises.
"What is this?" Gilbert demanded, "what shall the monster then do?"
"Why, as I will," the Gremlin answered. "Does a clerk write out a writ of foreclosure? I shall make it go astray. Does a reeve set out a warrant? I'll make sure the writing's changed ere the bailiff comes unto the victim. Does the chancellor seek to withhold reward from one who has toiled long? Does he seek to imprison one whose only fault is aiding those in danger? Does the king himself seek to draw and quarter one who would resist him, or to exile a saint on a desert isle, for no offense but that of lending comfort to souls in misery? In a sieve I'll thither sail!"
"And, like a rat without a tail," Frisson murmured, "he'll do, and he'll do, and he'll do!"
I clapped a hand over the vagabond's mouth. "Hold it, boy! You were coming perilously close to poetry!"
"Let him versify; he cannot cause havoc here, where we are beyond the laws of any universe," the Spider King said.