‘I have made a judgement that you are not mentally strong enough to read your own notes. It could set off another psychotic episode.’
‘I am physically and mentally well.’
‘It is quite common for psychotic patients to think themselves well.’
Eva began to laugh. ‘So, you win both ways?’
Nurse Spears said, ‘There’s a touch of paranoia in that question.’
Eva asked, ‘Are you trained in mental health diagnostics?’
‘Trained, no, but it is a special interest of mine. There was mental ill health in my own family, it’s nothing to be ashamed of, Mrs Beaver.’
Eva felt a chill, a physical sensation of fear. ‘Of course, you’re implying that I have a mental illness?’
Nurse Spears said, ‘I will go back to the surgery and inform your doctors that, in my opinion, you are having a breakdown of some kind. Again, Mrs Beaver, you need not be frightened. Some of our most notable men and women have suffered, like you. Think of Churchill, Alastair Campbell, Les Dennis.’
Eva insisted, ‘But I’m not mentally ill!’
We have moved on since poor Mr Churchill suffered from his “black dog”. We have some miraculous drugs now, and within a few weeks you will be feeling your old self again. You will be able to get out of bed and re-join the rest of us.’
‘I don’t want to join the rest of you.’
Nurse Spears put on her navy-blue mac and carefully threaded the belt through the brown leather buckle. ‘I’ll call again, of course. Goodbye, Mrs Beaver.’
When she heard her mother’s voice in the hall five minutes later, and then the sound of the front door slamming, Eva shouted, ‘Mum!’
It took longer than usual for Ruby to climb the stairs, and she was breathless when she arrived at the side of Eva’s bed.
Eva did not want to upset her mother, but she needed to talk frankly with her. She asked, ‘So, you had a good talk with the nurse?’
‘Yes,’ said Ruby. ‘She was telling me about Dr Bridges. He’s been off work for three days. He did some bad damage to his nose with a pair of animated nose clippers.’
Eva corrected irritably, ‘Automatic. And she shouldn’t be gossiping about the doctors.’
‘She doesn’t like that dark doctor, Lumbago, she says he’s lazy. Well, they are, aren’t they?’
Eva said, ‘No, they are not.’
‘I wouldn’t have her job for the world. The things she has to do. She told me about some of her worst cases. It’s disgusting what that poor woman has to work with.’
‘You told her about Brian and Titania. You said they were living in a garden extension.’
Well, I could hardly call it a shed, could I?’
‘And I wish you hadn’t told her about the White Pathway.’
Ruby said, ‘But everybody knows about the White Pathway.’
‘Everybody?’
‘Well, everybody I know. And I’ll tell you the truth, Eva. Everybody thinks it’s barmy. And I’ll tell you another thing, Nurse Spears thinks it’s barmy, an’ all.’
‘And you, Mum? What do you think? Do you think it’s barmy?’
Ruby shook her head sadly and said, ‘I feel like I’ve never known you, and now I never will. None of us know you, any more. We all want the old Eva back.’
‘I didn’t like the old Eva. She was a miserable coward.’
‘All you need is a change of scenery. You’ve had a lovely four months’ rest. Why don’t you get up, have a shower, wash your hair with some of your lovely vegetable stuff -’
‘Herb,’ said Eva.
‘- put some warm clothes on and we could go to the shops. And there’s snowdrops in the park. I could borrow Stanley’s wheelchair. You weigh nowt, I could easily push you. I want to look after you, Eva.’
‘You don’t understand, do you, Mum? Think of me as a giant grub. I’m here, in this room, pupating.’
Ruby began to feel uneasy. ‘You’re talking daft, stop it!’
Eva said, ‘But one day, I’ll shed my skin. I’m looking forward to that. I wonder what I’ll be?’
‘On your own, if you carry on talking like that.’
Ruby went downstairs and found Titania unloading the washing machine. Hers and Brian’s clothes were tangled together. One of his shirts was enveloping one of her nightgowns.
Ruby said, ‘So, you’re not at work?’
Titania, who thought that Ruby was one of the thickest people she had ever met, said, ‘Obviously not, I’m here, in the kitchen, in three dimensions. Four, including time.’
Ruby said, with a nod towards Eva’s bedroom, ‘She’s getting worse, she’s just told me that she’s a giant grub.’
Titania’s eyes widened. ‘Are you sure she didn’t say “I need some grub”, or “Bring me some grub”, or something similar?’
‘I know I’m getting on a bit, but I definitely heard her say that she was a giant grub.’
‘As in insect?’
‘Yes.’
Titania muttered, ‘Très Kafkaesque.’
Ruby said, ‘Will you tell Brian, when he comes home from work, that Eva now thinks she’s a giant grub?’
Titania said, ‘Oh yes, I’ll be delighted to pass on that message.’
‘I’m going home now,’ said Ruby. ‘I’m feeling a bit poorly.’ When she had put her hat and coat on, she said, ‘Titania, what would happen to Eva if I passed away?’
Titania said, ‘We’d cope.’
Ruby checked, ‘You’d feed her?’
‘Obviously.’
‘Do her washing, change her sheets?’
‘Of course.
‘Keep her clean?’
‘Yes.’
‘But you wouldn’t love her, you and Brian, would you?’
‘There are plenty of people who love her.’
Ruby’s voice cracked. ‘But she needs her main, and if I went to the arms of Jesus, she wouldn’t be looked after properly, would she?’
Titania said, ‘I sense Alexander loves her.’
Ruby picked up her empty shopping bag and said, ‘That’s sex, I’m talking about love.’
Titania watched her walking down the hall, and thought that she had visibly aged in the last week. She looked unsteady on her feet, and her shoulders were stooped. She might suggest that Ruby swap her mid-heeled court shoes for a pair of Merrell body-shaping trainers.
When Brian opened the front door, he could smell curry, his favourite food. Titania was at the stove, cooking chapattis over a gas flame. Every surface that could be burnished, shone. There was a faint smell of bleach. All the surfaces had been washed down. There was a small pot of snowdrops on the table, which had been set for two, and a bottle of Burgundy was breathing. Glasses had been polished, and reflected the lights.
He lifted the lid off a saucepan and asked, ‘What is it – chicken?’
‘No, goat,’ said Titania. ‘And before I forget, your wife now thinks she’s a giant grub. A “monstrous vermin”.’
Brian had a delicate stomach. He replaced the lid. His appetite waned a little. ‘A giant grub?’ he said. ‘Couldn’t you have waited until after dinner?’
45
The next morning, Barry Wooton turned up on the doorstep with a woman he described to Yvonne as ‘a new friend’.
Yvonne, who was on the morning shift, led them upstairs to Eva’s bedroom, talking as she went. Like a parlour maid in a costume drama, she announced, ‘Mr Barry Wooton and Miss Angelica Hedge.’
Eva sat up in bed and said to Barry, You’re still here then?’
Barry laughed and said, ‘Yeah, thanks for that.’
Eva looked at Ms Hedge, waiting to be properly introduced.
Barry said, ‘She likes to be called Angel. She was waiting in line for a cab at the station. She said, ‘You look cheerful for a February morning,” and I said, “Well, it’s all down to the amazing Eva Beaver.” She wanted to meet you.