— Hows the platoon? — Fine — I said — He said — Get them back soon as its dark — thats the order right sir? — We all looked at Gertie who made an effort and nodded — Then Jammy said — Youd best lead Pete — Mr Grindal ull bring up the rear — I could see his point — Gertie was likely to lead us straight to the nearest pillbox — but I didnt like leaving Jammy — Steve said — Itll be right Pete me and the lieutenant ull bring the sarge along — so I set off crawling to see what was left of the platoon.
Dark came soon and off we set back — soon as we started moving Jerry sent flares up and started shooting but we kept going till we came to the end of the stumps of Glencorse and were looking across the open stretch between us and our lines in Sanctuary. We closed up here. There were more of us left than Id feared at first. In fact I saw a couple of faces — including Doyles — that Id not seen for some time — and I wondered if theyd been lying low looking for a chance to get back unscathed. Well I wasnt going to bubble them. All that concerned me was that Jammy was still with us — held up between Steve and the lieutenant — I began to feel almost hopeful.
I offered to take Gerties place — but Steve said — No hes better with something to do — so I went back to leading — would it have made any difference if Id insisted? — Maybe — but at least I got the others back safe despite a flurry of flares and bullets as we crawled the last hundred yards.
But there was a long pause after the last squaddie reached Sanctuary — then Gertie appeared by himself.
Where are the others? — I yelled. They caught it — he said — back there — it was hopeless — theyre dead.
I almost hit him — would have done if Chuffy hadnt grabbed my arm — not cos I didnt believe him — but cos I felt it were my fault — trusting him. Just as well I didn't connect as Cap Evenlode the adjutant showed up just then — dont know what hed seen but he gave us an old fashioned look. Word is he dont much like Gertie — typical stuck up family — likely thinks the Grindals are trade — and when he took Gertie aside with him to make his report I bet he gave him a rollocking too about controlling his men. But I didnt have time to worry about that — I was listening to a voice shouting somewhere out towards Glencorse — nothing unusual in the Salient — the air was full of voices calling screaming sobbing — it was the mud — once you were wounded and by yourself you soon got stuck fast — stretcher bearers did all they could but it often needed half a dozen men to pull one out — God knows how many died that might have been saved if they could have made it to a dressing station — so when I said — Listen — thats Steve — they all thought I was being delirious — but I knew that voice — and besides now he was calling my name — Pete — Pete — so I didnt stop to think but went back out of the trench before anyone could try to stop me. I wer-ent being brave — I just knew I could never go back to Kirkton and tell the usual lies about him dying like a hero if Id left him to a long slow drowning in that mud.
I had a piece of rope coiled round my waist — that was one thing wed learned in that first attack on Sanctuary — Jammy had managed to scavenge a whole coil while we were in rest — and everyone in the platoon got a length — and I had a field dressing pack — those apart I had nowt — I hadnt even bothered to bring my bondook — I wasnt going out there to kill anyone — but there were plenty who had other ideas.
From time to time a flare went up from either side making me think of the shepherds in the field when glory shone around. It were like that glory too — meaning that for a short while you saw everything perfectly clear, then darkness came rushing back worse than before and I had to lie still till I got my night sight back again. But oh the sights I saw under that floating white light — wed fought back and forth over this ground for more than a week and there was scarcely a shellhole I looked into in search of Steve that didnt have its occupant. Desperate now to find Steve even if only to know for certain he were dead I turned corpses over — and sometimes they were men I knew — and sometimes they were men their own mothers would not have known — but none was Steve.
Id not dared call his name for fear of letting Fritz know I were out here — but in the end anything were better than slithering endlessly through this hell so I yelled his name — and discovered that even a man at the extreme of fear can still be made to jump when a reply came back so close it seemed almost in my ear. I turned my head and peered into the gloom of a deep hole — after a while something moved down there — a darkness moving against a darkness — then a tiny gleam — a sliver of whiteness — gave me a point to focus on — it was an eye — and as I looked a face formed around it — and Steves voice said — You took your fucking time.
Gertie said you and the sarge had bought it — I said — He could be right — said Steve — he certainly is about the sarge — Oh shit — I said — Where is he Steve? Wheres Jammy? — I think Im standing on him — he said.
By now I could make out he were in a bad way — never mind what wounds he had — the left side of his head lay on the surface of the mud and of his body only his right arm and shoulder were still not covered. I threw him the end of my rope and he grasped it in his hand then twisted it round and round his wrist till it were held tight and I started to pull. The piece of ground I was lying on was full of debris so it provided a firmer base than anywhere else Id crawled that night — but not even this advantage could give me enough purchase to haul him free — and all his struggles to help himself did was sink him deeper.
Its no good, Pete, he said — Im a goner. Tell Mary she can play around all she likes now but if she doesn't do right by little Steve I’ll come back to haunt her so help me God.
Wed never talked of it before but I knew then that he knew what all the lads from Kirkton knew — that his Mary wasnt exactly saving herself for her heroes return.
I said — Don't talk daft — I’ll get some help — well soon have you out of there — And he said — For God's sake dont leave me like this — put a bullet through my head before you go. Cant do that — Isaid — I came out without my bondook — Thats a hanging offence — he said — why dont you get some practise in? I’ll put this rope round my neck and you heave on your end and see if youve got enough strength to strangle me.
God help us — I dont think he was joking — but before I could decide what to do — and what I would have decided I’ll never know — another flare went up and by its light I saw that God had taken the power of decision away from me. On the far side of the shellhole four German soldiers were crouched — three with rifles and one — the officer — with a pistol pointed straight at me.
I thought of running — and I thought of surrendering — and I thought of Alice and Ada and Kirkton — and while I was thinking of all these things I held up the end of the rope and pointed at Steve and said — Mein Bruder.
I didnt know the German for cousin and maybe if I had it wouldnt have been so effective — but Bruder made them pause just long enough for the officer to say something. The expected rattle of gunfire didn't come — Slowly the flare faded — I remained quite still — where would I run to? — and when I got my sight back they were at my side.