Helen turned determinedly to Mainwaring. "Good afternoon, sir," she said brightly. "I am ready for our drive, as you see."
He bowed and stood aside for her to precede him from the room.
It was every bit as dreadful as he had expected. She was not angry and she was not sullen. But she was so determinedly bright that he soon despaired of ever breaking through her mask. She smiled constantly and sat bolt upright on the seat beside him.
"You look very pretty, Nell," he said. "Just like the autumn."
"Thank you, sir," she replied. "I considered that the outfit would be suitable for the season."
"Are you warm enough?" he asked. "There is a blanket that I can spread across your lap if you need it."
"Gracious no," she said with a bright little laugh. "It is a glorious day, sir, quite warm for the time of year. Look, there is not a cloud in the sky, and the sun is still quite high."
"Do you enjoy driving in London?" he asked. "It is not any match for the open countryside, is it?"
"Oh, but very much more interesting," she said. "One has only to look around to see all kinds and classes of humanity. And driving in the park is a most exhilarating experience. One can see in one afternoon almost everyone who is anyone, and one can learn a great deal about the latest fashions. The countryside has nothing to compare with such excitement, sir."
Mainwaring was silent for a while. Indeed, turning into the park without colliding with any other vehicle took his whole concentration. It was the fashionable hour, and the day was unusually suited to an outing.
"How are you enjoying London, Nell?" he asked when he could relax his attention again. He turned and looked at her flushed face beneath the brim of her bonnet. "Do you enjoy all the social activities and the •xtra company?"
"It must be every girl's dream, sir, to spend some months in London," she said, "and to participate in the social whirl. How else are we to find eligible husbands and to remain in touch with the important events in life?"
"But I am not asking every girl, Nell," he said quietly. "I am asking you."
She looked across at him haughtily. "And what makes you think that I am any different from the others?" she asked.
"Nell," he said, "not so long ago we could talk to each other, you and I. We could share thoughts and feelings. You were not a brittle little city girl then. Can you not talk to me now?"
"I am a different person entirely from the girl I was then," she said, looking away from him out over the grass and the trees beyond the traffic of carriages, horses, and pedestrians. "I have grown up, sir, and I find it boring in the extreme to be reminded of that time."
"I am sorry," he said. "I liked the other Nell."
And after that exchange, he found, they really had nothing to say to each other. There was so much he wanted to say. He did not for a moment believe that she had really changed so much in such a short time. But he was not adept with words. He was not accomplished at communicating with people. If only he had been Robert Denning at that moment, he thought. Robert would have known exactly how to keep his good humor and how to get her talking. There would not be this almost unbearable tension. What would Robert do right now? What would he say to break down the barriers between them? He tried desperately to answer his own questions. But it was as it always had been with him. The more he tried to think of what to say, the more he found himself tongue-tied.
It was quite a relief to see the Hetheringtons approaching in an open phaeton. He had not been expecting such a reprieve. He had heard Elizabeth say that driving in the park was too funny to be borne. People went there, she claimed, only to show off their new clothes and hairdos and to gather enough gossip to give themselves food for conversation during the coming evening.
She was smiling broadly when the two vehicles drew abreast. "Good afternoon, Lady Helen, William," she called gaily. "Robert and I have decided to join the squeeze this afternoon, too, as you see. It is really far too nice a day to remain indoors, and where else does one go in London if one wants an outing?"
"To tell the real truth," Hetherington added, smiling mischievously at his wife, "Elizabeth has a new bonnet and she had to come here to be quite sure that it is far more bang up to the minute than any other lady's."
"Robert!" she scolded. "You will put me to the blush. There is really not a word of truth in what he says, Lady Helen. Do you not agree with me that it would be so much more pleasant today to be in the country galloping a horse across a wide field?"
"No," Helen said, staring expressionless at the smiling marchioness. "I am much happier just where I am."
"You look very fetching, I must say," Hetherington said, filling the little gap of awkwardness that Helen's reply had caused. "Just like an autumn leaf."
"Mr. Mainwaring said the same thing to me earlier," Helen said. "I suppose it must be true."
Her tone sounded utterly bored. Mainwaring was acutely embarrassed. "I believe we are holding up traffic," he said. "I shall see you tomorrow morning, Robert?"
"Yes, indeed," his friend replied. "The park is much more to my liking in the morning, when it is less crowded. Good day to you, Lady Helen."
Helen nodded stiffly to the pair of them while Mainwaring took a warmer farewell. They drove on in a silence that was even more tense than it had been before their meeting with the Hetheringtons. William Mainwaring broke it.
"I understand that you are angry with me," he said curtly. "I know that you have taken me in disgust for several reasons. I can excuse you for not speaking or behaving as most young ladies would when out driving with a gentleman. But I wish you would reserve that behavior for me. I do not take kindly to your treating my friends in an ill-mannered way. They have done nothing to offend you, Nell. On the contrary, they always go out of their way to make other people feel comfortable in their presence."
Helen did not immediately reply. When he turned to look at her, Mainwaring saw that she was rigid with anger. He stared out over his horses' heads again and waited for her to reply.
"How dare you!" she said finally. Her voice was very quiet, shaking with fury. "You have no possible right, sir, to lecture me on correct behavior. You of all people! I cannot believe that you can have the effrontery to set yourself up as an authority on good manners."
"You know as well as I do that you were deliberately rude to the Marquess of Hetherington and his wife," he said calmly. "I do not doubt that it was done to embarrass me. And you succeeded admirably. But you also embarrassed two people who have in no way deserved your scorn. Vent your contempt on me if you must, Nell. I have at least partly deserved it."
She turned to him and looked full into his face. "Mr. Mainwaring," she said, "when I refused to dance or converse with you at the marquess's ball, I believed I had made it clear that I had no wish to renew our acquaintance. And when you came to me with your insulting offer of marriage, I am sure I made it abundantly obvious that I both hate and despise you. Yet you have pursued me. I had no wish to see you last night, and I had no wish to drive with you this afternoon. I should be happy never to see you again. If I must be rude to your friends in order to be rid of you, then I shall be rude. But I will not be called to task by such as you. I will not."
Mainwaring had paled, but he had had the presence of mind to turn his curricle away from the main promenade so that their quarrel would not be conducted in such a glaringly public setting. He turned to look at her now, pain in his eyes. "Nell," he said, "there is so much I want to say to you. I have behaved badly, I will admit, but there is much you do not understand. I would like to have the chance to talk to you. There were no barriers between us when we first met. Yet now it is as if a stone wall had been erected between us."