“Hello, Doctor, what’s going on?”
“A Caucasian male named John Petangles was brought in half an hour ago with gunshot wounds to the stomach and thigh.”
I looked at Bill but heard myself tell Johnny it was all right to follow Caz de Floon only minutes after that shithead shot Gee-Gee and Old Vertue.
“Put out an all points on a white male, around sixty years old wearing a multicolored jogging suit. He’s about five-nine, got a big head of white hair, weight… a hundred and fifty. A little less.”
Bill took a notebook out of his pocket and wrote it down but his eyes kept coming up off the page and looking me over. “How do you know this, Chief?”
“Just do it, Bill. How’s Johnny?”
“Not good. They’re operating on him now.”
“Doctor?”
She turned her hand back and forth and again. “We’ll know more after the operation.”
“Who is this guy, Frannie? How do you know who to look for?”
“I’ll tell you later. Right now I’ve got to find a paramedic here named Barry.”
Dr. Schellberger said, “Barry? There’s no paramedic at this hospital by that name.”
I turned to go. “That doesn’t surprise me.”
George and Pauline were sitting in the waiting room holding hands. That picture struck my heart like lightning splitting a tree down the middle. Two people who mattered so much to me. I would have them for only a few more days and then they would be gone. George gone, Pauline, Magda, Crane’s View ... my life. How do you ride the wave of that thought into the beach without falling off? Your life will be over in days.
“Is she gonna be all right. Frannie? Is Mom going to be okav?”
“Yes, I think so. I hope so. They said things looked good. But we have to wait till they’ve finished the tests. Pauline, can you wait here a minute while I talk to George? It’ll only take like five minutes.”
She grabbed my arm. “Are you not telling me something? Is there something I should know about Mom?”
“No, no, it’s nothing like that. Believe me. It’s just something I have to tell George—”
“Don’t lie to me, Frannie. Please don’t. I know that you think I’m a baby—”
“That isn’t true, Pauline. Magda’s your mother. If I knew something was really wrong with her I wouldn’t hide it from you. Why would you think I’d do that?”
“Because you think I’m a child and—”
There was so little time left now that I felt it imperative to get through to Pauline on at least this one thing. Taking hold of both her arms, I pulled her close to me so that we were almost nose to nose. “I don’t think that at all. I’m proud as hell of you and I think you’re going to be a contender, like you said you wanted in the garage the other night.” That’s all I could think of to say but knew I had to say more because it was all breaking up inside me, breaking up and crashing together at the same time. An impossible thing, but there nevertheless.
Life is only contradictions and learning how to adjust to them. I wanted to tell this smart, naive girl to be quiet and listen—I’ll tell you some of what I’ve learned and maybe you can use it. At the same time I wanted to tell her nothing and let her live in her silvery soap bubble of innocence until the very last moment when of course it would pop and she would fall to a much harder earth than she had ever imagined.
“Listen to me—” But then it was her turn to hold me because I completely lost it, couldn’t say anything more and started to cry.
“Are you lying to me, Frannie? Is that why you’re crying? Are you lying to me about Mom?” Her voice was soft and kind as cashmere. It asked its question but reassured at the same time. It held no grudge. Okay, even if you lied to me about this it’s okay. I forgive you and will hold you till you’re feeling better. All these new sides of this girl I had never seen before this morning. All of them appearing at once. Sexy Pauline, Flirty Pauline, Forgiving, Understanding... Why hadn’t I seen them before? Why hadn’t I known her?
“Am I good to you, Pauline? Have I been a good stepfather?”
“Well, yeah. Yes, definitely. Why are you asking? What’s the matter?”
“I just want to know. I need to know. Your Mom is okay. I swear they didn’t say anything I haven’t told you. But this is different: I just want to know if I’ve been a good guy to you.”
She smiled small but warm. “A very good guy. The other night when we were sitting in the garage talking I loved you so much. You made me feel like what I was saying wasn’t stupid or crazy. You made me feel normal.”
We hugged. We hugged and I felt tears on my face and the heat of her thin body in my arms. “Don’t be normal, Pauline. Don’t ever try to be normal because it’s the first symptom of a terminal disease. As soon as you feel the need to be normal coming on, get the antidote.”
“And what is the antidote?”
I wanted so badly to come up with a brilliant ripping riposte that she would remember the rest of her life. All I could think of was, “Just make sure that you’re living your life, Pauline; don’t let normal pretend to be you.”
Isabelle Zakrides came over with papers to sign and asked if she could speak with one of us about Magda’s condition. With a glance I asked Isabelle if anything was new. Her eyes back said no, this was just a formality. I told her to talk to Pauline and the girl’s face showed happy gratitude.
“Will you tell me what’s going on with my mom?”
“Sure, Pauline. Let’s sit over there and I’ll give you the whole scoop.”
Standing outside the hospital, I told George what had happened to Johnny Petangles and that I was sure Floon shot him. I also described what had gone on between Barry and me. When I was finished, the blown-fuse look on George’s face said it all. “Digesting all this is like eating a whole turkey in a couple of bites, Frannie. It’s staggering. What are you going to do now?”
“I was going to look for Barry and ask some questions but he’s disappeared. I have a feeling he’ll be back when it’s necessary. In the meantime I don’t want that cocksucker Floon roaming around with a gun. He’s already shot two people and a dog and it’s not even noon.”
“But if you find him what are you going to do then? You only have a few days, Frannie.”
“First let me find Floon. The guy’s dangerous. Then I’ll look for this fourth thing they’re so hot to have, whatever the hell it is. What else can I do, George? I don’t exactly have a lot of options open to me.”
A look of deep sadness swept onto his normally impassive face and stayed. He was frightened for me and to my surprise a lot of love was in his look as well. Very quietly he asked, “How can I help?”
“Go back inside and keep an eye on Pauline for me. I can’t be worrying about her now. Carry your cell phone so I can reach you when I need to. And answer it for Christ’s sake, George. Don’t just let it ring till the battery runs out.”
“All right. Where are you goinp now?”
“Home to get a gun and get changed. Then out to find Floon the Flying Dutchman.”
We stared at each other and more than a lot passed between us in those silent seconds.
Finally a small guilty grin flickered at the corners of his mouth. He couldn’t resist asking, “Frannie, you really saw the Beatles? What was it like?”
“They were all shorter than I imagined. Even Lennon. I always thought of him as ten feet tall.”
The phone was ringing when I got to my house. In the rush to leave for the hospital, we’d forgotten to lock the front door. I walked in and caught the phone on its last ring. But by the time I said hello whoever was gone. Had Floon done something else in the meantime? God forbid. I thought about that familiar phrase as I walked into our bedroom and started getting dressed How could “God forbid” if He’d been asleep all this time? Or “God damn” or “God save us”? And was He actually unconscious the way we are when we sleep, or did Barry mean it as some kind of cosmic metaphor?