Walk to the front of the train (in the direction that the train had been traveling) if the danger is in your car. Grasp the handle of the door at the front of the car and pull it to the right to unhitch. Slide the door open and step carefully over the coupling between cars to the door of the next car. If you cannot see in the darkness of the tunnel, use a cell phone or other mobile device to cast illumination on the tracks.
3 Remain on the train.
Do not get off the train unless you are in immediate danger and have no other option.
4 Exit the train car and climb down from the coupling between cars.
Take off any backpacks or other encumbrances. Shimmy under the metal fencing that links the two cars and step down onto the track bed. Step over the tracks to the platform wall. Avoid stepping on the “third rail,” which runs alongside the subway tracks and carries more than 600 volts of electricity. Climb up onto the platform.
5 If you cannot reach the platform, walk alongside the tracks until you reach a benchwall.
Hug the platform edge and move as quickly as possible in the direction the train was traveling. Locate the benchwall, a small passageway leading off the main tunnel. Enter the benchwall and await help.
6 If the train begins moving behind you, lie down.
Find the depression in the concrete between the rails and lie down. There will be enough room for the train to pass over you.
Be Aware
• Newer subway cars have call boxes at both the front and rear of each car.
• Pull the emergency brake before leaving the train car. This will make it impossible for the train to move, so it cannot run you over once you are down on the tracks. Do not pull the emergency brake unless there is absolutely no other way out, as demobilizing the train will complicate potential MTA rescue efforts.
HOW TO SNEAK PAST A DOORMAN AFTER EVICTION
1 Observe the building from across the street.
Wear a hat and stand in the shadows. Try not to look creepy.
2 Wait for the doorman to be distracted.
Look for opportunities when the doorman:
• is greeting a steady stream of tenants entering and exiting at once (such as at the beginning of the morning commute).
• is on the street, hailing a cab for a tenant.
• is greeting a parent pushing a baby in a stroller, or a tenant walking a cute puppy.
• is retrieving a package from the package room.
3 Walk briskly and confidently into the building.
Carry a pile of mail, a small package, or a shopping bag.
4 Go directly to the elevator bank.
Press the “up” button. Keep your back to the reception desk until the elevator doors open.
5 When leaving the building, again wait for an opportune moment.
If you must walk past the doorman in full view, wave heartily and nonchalantly say “Hello.”
HOW TO FREE YOURSELF FROM A DOG WALKER’S LEASH TANGLE
1 Calm the dogs.
Use a deep, authoritative voice and order the dogs to “sit” and “stay.” Repeat as necessary.
2 Ask the other dog walker to remain still.
Do not attempt to untangle the leashes at the same time (especially if Step 1 was unsuccessful), as the leashes may become increasingly entangled.
3 Grasp your dog’s collar.
Crouch down and reassure your dog that everything is going to be okay. Maintaining your grip on the end of the leash with your right hand, grab the collar of your dog with your left hand, as close to the scruff of her neck as possible.
4 Drop the leash.
When you have firmly secured your dog by her collar, release the leash from your right hand, letting it drop to the ground. Remind the dogs to be calm.
5 Pick up the leash closer to the collar.
Hold the dog in place with your left hand. Pick up the leash again with your right hand, this time as close as possible to the dog’s neck, where you are gripping the collar with your left hand.
6 Reel in the leash.
Gently tug on the leash with your right hand, threading it through the other leash, your dog’s legs, the other dog’s legs, and the other dog owner’s legs.
7 Resume normal leash carry.
Once the leashes are untangled, move your left hand back to the end of the leash.
8 Let go of the collar.
Release your grip on the collar.
9 Resume walk.
CHAPTER 2
DAILY SURVIVAL
DO COCKROACHES HAVE ARMS?
HOW TO SURVIVE A COCKROACH INFESTATION
1 Rid your kitchen of any food residue.
Thoroughly scour the kitchen counters, dining table, stovetops, and any other areas where food is prepared or consumed. Remove all food from the kitchen and clean inside all cabinets and drawers. Empty, rinse, and scrub every trash can. Clean the refrigerator inside and out, the underside of the microwave, and the crumb tray of the toaster.
2 Clean the rest of your apartment.
Pull out sofa pillows and vacuum away any crumbs using a crack-and-crevice attachment; roll up all carpets and sweep and mop the floor underneath.
3 Dry your apartment.
Look for puddles underneath the sink, around the base of the bathtub, and next to the toilet. At each sink, turn on both taps and, as the water is running, examine the base of the faucet, the tap handle, and the underside of the sink. Tighten the joints and recaulk any areas of seepage. Repeat this procedure with the taps in the bath.
4 Eliminate roach hideouts.
Get down on all fours and crawl from room to room, carefully examining each pantry, closet, drawer, and cupboard. Destroy any potential roach hiding places, such as bags stuffed with other bags, piles of old magazines, or cardboard boxes waiting to be recycled. Open old boxes, take out their contents, flatten the cardboard, and remove from your apartment.
5 Place “survey traps” in ten sites around your apartment.
Position “sticky traps” throughout the apartment. Place each trap against a wall or corner, under a sink, or along the baseboards.
6 Monitor the traps.
Carefully note the number of dead roaches in each trap to determine where in your apartment the roaches are most prevalent.
7 Kill the roaches with borax.
Mix 4 parts borax with 2 parts flour and 1 part cocoa powder. Sprinkle liberally in roach-heavy areas of your apartment.
8 Maintain a clean, dry apartment.
After each meal, thoroughly clean the areas where food was cooked and consumed. Store all food in sealed containers. Do all dishes immediately. Take out any garbage and recycling at least once a day. Make sure to immediately clean up any water spills and repair leaky faucets. Whenever possible, eat out instead of cooking in your home; do not bring home leftovers.
9 Convince your neighbors to keep equally clean.
Be Aware