Don’t get hysterical.
Going bananas will only give this girl gossip fuel to report back to others. Talk to her with a cool head and calm heart instead.
Talk trust.
Tell The Mirror Has Two Faces that you know what’s going on. Then ask her to play it straight with you because you want to trust her.
Suggest “rep protection.”
Explain that people often think badly of folks who say one thing and then do another. Tell her you don’t want to see her become the girl whose word means squat.
“What are you wearing?!” she asks. Or she criticizes your favorite song and says you won’t “get it” when you ask what hers is.
Banish her bad-mouthing.
Now let her know that you’d appreciate it if she’d keep her negative thoughts to herself. Even better: laugh it off.
Blah, blah, blah… whatever!
First, get her voice out of your head! Feel confident about your strengths and tastes, and you’ll find her cutting comments actually mean less than a speck of glitter.
This friend crosses her heart, hopes to die, says she’ll stick a needle in her eye if she betrays you. Then, two minutes later, the banshee screams your secrets to anyone who will listen!
Zipherlip.
Remind Lady Overshare that you’re counting on her to stay silent, and if she blabs, you can’t trust her again.
Protect yourself.
If you’ve been burned more than once, you might have to accept that the girl’s got diarrhea of the mouth. Look for another person to tell the things you really want to stay between you and your confidante.
Though she’s nice to you, your good friend can be a witch on wheels to others. Since friends don’t let friends stay wicked, let her know it’s time to lose the ’tude.
Girl down!
Tell Miss Mean Jeans that when she’s rude, it makes you feel bad. Let her know her words can come out harsher than she thinks, and you don’t want someone to get hurt unintentionally.
Model behavior.
Through your good example, show her that cruelty’s not cool. Behaving with kindness might not only help make her nicer, but it might also win you new friends.
How to Survive a Best-Friend Breakup
You hung out all summer. You even helped her choose the great outfit she wore on the first day of school. And now she’s suddenly hanging out with new people, and you’ve been dumped like a dirty diaper. Whaddaya do?
1 I will survive!
First, understand that you’re not alone. This is one of those lame life things that everyone eventually endures. But endure it you will, and things will turn around.
2 Stick your neck out.
You may want to pull a turtle, but don’t retreat from the world! The sooner you open yourself up to new friendships with new girls—ones who might even share more of your interests than your old BFF—the sooner you’ll feel better.
3 Be a joiner.
Now’s the perfect time to try out for the soccer team. Or join yearbook. Or parlez français in French club. Think about it: You’ll already have something in common with the people in the group, so chances are you’ll meet some fun, new friends while doing something you enjoy.
4 Be bold.
Take a leap and ask someone new to the movies or another fun event. It may seem uncomfortable at first, but it’s really no big deal. You can even follow this script word for word: “Hi, [name]! I’m going to see [movie name] this weekend, and was wondering if you wanted to come?”
5 Be patient… she may come back!
If you haven’t already figured this out, middle school can be a time that’s “krazy” with a “k.” People change on a daily basis, both physically and mentally. Just because you aren’t feeling love from the BFF right now doesn’t mean all is lost. This could just be an ugly phase, so stay chill, keep living your life, and have fun. If your friend doesn’t realize what she’s missing, she might not be as smart as you thought she was.
• L8R LUZR! Your BFF dumps you via text message, and lets you know she never wants to talk to you again…with angry emoticons.
• You get uninvited to her birthday party… and she’s your identical twin!
• Her new BFF pronounces your name wrong, and your old BFF adopts the pronunciation.
• She IMs your mom, but not you.
• She “breaks up” with you, and then starts hanging out with your older brother.
How to Deal with a Boy Bothering You
Sometimes it’s hard to tell if the attention you get from a boy is because he really, really likes you or because he really, really dislikes you. (Boys remain very much like their cavemen ancestors in this way: “Me hungry! Me tired! Me bad at social interaction!”)
Since you can’t climb into a boy’s head to learn what he’s really thinking, let him know his bad behavior has got to stop.
1 Use “uh-uh, that ain’t cool” body language.
If you don’t want to talk to him, a gesture can be worth a thousand words.
2 Tell him straight.
How’s this for easy: Just say, “Hey, [boy’s name], please stop.” It’s short. It’s sweet. And it should let him know that you’re sick of his immature behavior. What happens if he keeps up with the baloney after you’ve told him to stop? Your next response is not to respond at all. That’s right: Freeze him out. Let him know he can take it down the road because you’re not buying anything he’s selling. Boys looooove attention, and if you stop giving it to them, chances are they’ll just go seek out another target who will.
3 Try the once-and-for-all.
Now, for a girl who wants to give Boy a little taste of his own medicine, she can try this line: “You sure are spending a lot of time and energy on li’l old me. Everyone knows it’s because you have a crush on me.” If you serve that one up, it’ll not only stop the boy in his tracks, it might even make him quake in his sneakers.
How to Cope When a Clique Shuts You Out
Middle school can be as cruel as that old saying about fashion: “One day you’re in, the next day you’re out.” If you’re no longer welcome at your old lunch table, or if you don’t get the call for the shopping expedition, it can make you feel like you’ve been “aufed.” (As in: “So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good-bye.”) Suddenly you’re an outcast, forced to wander the mine field that is the school cafeteria. What do you do?