7. And you’re mowing again!
1. Stand with your feet slightly apart.
2. Tuck your hands into your armpits—now your arms are wings!
3. Raise your right “wing” as you kick out your left leg.
4. Bring your right wing down as you bring your left leg back in.
5. Repeat with your other wing and leg.
6. Rapidly bob your head up and down, like a chicken pecking at grain.
7. Oh no! It’s the farmer! he’s got an ax! flap as hard as you can to get away!
Appendix
HOW TO DEAL WITH PIMPLES
Here’s what to do when the pimple fairy dumps a big, fat, disgusting one on your face.
Holding an ice cube against a pimple reduces the inflammation. Once that volcano is smaller, ask a makeup pro (like your mom or sister) to help you conceal it. Look for a concealer that matches your skin tone (it might take a few tries before you get it right).
The more you touch your face, the more dirt and oil you rub in—so hands off! Fight the urge to pick, prick, or pop. And no squeezing that blemish, because it’ll only get worse.
Finally, wash your face twice (and only twice) a day with warm water and gentle soap or cleanser. Wash any more and you’ll risk irritating your skin.
BE AWARE • If things get really bad, ask to see a dermatologist who’ll banish the bumps professionally.
Appendix
HOW TO PACK YOUR BACKPACK WITHOUT CRACKING YOUR BACK
1. Put your heaviest, biggest book in first, standing upright in the back of your bag, so you feel one big flat surface against your back, instead of a bunch of lumpy little things and book corners poking you.
2. Stack your other big, fat textbooks horizontally on the bottom of the bag.
3. Pack lighter stuff next: gym clothes, workbooks, paperback textbooks, and notebooks.
4. On the very top goes your lunch or snack, and anything else that’s ruined if smushed, like that clay project you’re taking home from art class.
• Secure pockets are for anything that you’re going to be toast if you lose: calculator, cell phone, keys, that little piece of paper you’ve got your locker combo on.
• Easy-access pockets are where you put things you’re going to need fast, like a pencil case or water bottle.
About the Authors
David Borgenicht is a writer, editor, publisher, and the coauthor of all the books in the Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook series. He lives in Philadelphia. David is happy to have survived middle school P.E., despite being designated the primary target in every dodgeball game.
Robin Epstein lives in Brooklyn and teaches writing at New York University. Thanks to her experience in 7th grade cooking class, she became determined never to cook again.
Ben H. Winters lives in Brooklyn and writes books, plays, musicals, articles, and lots of to-do lists. In middle school, he was “angry man number three” in the school play of Twelve Angry Men.
About the Illustrator
Chuck Gonzales is a New York City–based illustrator. In middle school, his dream of being a leading man was dashed when he had to play a dancing bag of garbage instead.
Copyright
A WORD OF WARNING: It’s always important to keep safety in mind. If you’re careless, even the tamest activities can result in injury. As such, all readers are urged to act with caution, ask for adult advice, obey all laws, and respect the rights of others when handling any Worst-Case Scenario.
Copyright © 2009 by Quirk Productions, Inc.
A QUIRK PACKAGING BOOK.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher.
Worst-Case Scenario® and The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook™ are trademarks of Quirk Productions, Inc.
Illustrations by Chuck Gonzales.
Borgenicht, David.
The worst-case scenario survival handbook : middle school / by David Borgenicht, Ben H. Winters, and Robin Epstein ; illustrated by Chuck Gonzales.
p. cm.
eISBN: 978-0-8118-7296-6
1. Middle school students—Life skills guides. 2. Preteens—Life skills guides. 3. Teenagers—Life skills guides. 4. Middle schools—Humor. I. Winters, Ben H. II. Epstein, Robin, 1972– III. Title.
LB1135.B66 2009
373.18—dc22
2008052603
Chronicle Books LLC
680 Second Street, San Francisco, California 94107
The publisher, packager, and authors disclaim any liability from any injury that may result from the use, proper or improper, of the information contained in this book.