How to Survive a Bully
He calls you names from the back of the bus. He trips you in the cafeteria. When he passes by with his posse of fools, they get all up in your grill. None of this is cool or acceptable, so here are ways to make it better… and to make it stop.
1 Poker-face it.
It’s like what dentists say about teeth: “Ignore them and they’ll go away.” Same here. By playing it cool and showing this bully that you’re not bothered by his antics, he might just decide you’re not worth his time and effort.
BE AWARE • The most hardened bullies may be determined to break a poker face, so you may need to supplement this technique with a vanishing act (see #4).
You’ve been shoved—and smack into the girl you were trying to impress!
• Make her laugh. “Did you know the halls are full of alligators that trip people to eat their fallen books?”
• Check her out. If your crush helps you collect your books, you know she’s a good gal. If she teases you, forget about her.
2 Launch a counterintelligence operation.
Secretly spy on the bully for a couple days, noting where he hangs out and when. The best way to steer clear is to know where he’s going to be—and not be there yourself!
3 Use the buddy system.
Get your friends together and coordinate your schedules so that none of you ever shows your face in the hallways alone. Bullies are much less likely to hassle two people together than one person alone.
4 Make a quickescape.
Make a mental map of your school, and when the bully starts to bug you, move quickly to a “safe zone” (i.e., somewhere with adults around, if necessary). In case anybody calls you on running away, be ready with a smart remark: “I decided not to waste my time with that. Trust me, you shouldn’t either.” Or there’s always: “Well, if you want in on the action, feel free to deal with the situation for me.”
5 Be brave—or fake being brave.
Stand up to the bully. That’s right: Tell him you want him to stop being mean to you. Say, “Bullying is very elementary school, and I’m over it.” It often works best if you can do this when you and he can’t be overheard, so he doesn’t feel like he has to prove himself. Be strong and act like you have authority. It’s amazing how sometimes even just acting the part helps you assume the role.
6 Tell (without telling that you told).
No one wants to be a tattletale, but, um, no one wants to get punched in the face, either. Talk with a parent, teacher, counselor, or other trusted adult and ask for help solving this problem—without anyone knowing that you told.
Or send an anonymous e-mail or note to the vice principal or another authority figure at your school about how a certain kid is harassing a certain other kid every day at a certain place and time. And, what do you know? The next time the bully is doing his nasty thing, here comes trouble—for him.
How to Deal with Girl Confusion
Sure, science is rough, but the most confusing subject at school is easily girls. Not just girls—the Girl. She travels with her friends in a whispering and giggling pack, looking at you every once in a while, sometimes ignoring you, sometimes saying “hi” like it’s no big deal…. How can you decode her mysterious, mind-boggling ways? Here’s how to figure her out.
You know you like her, if you define “like” as being mesmerized by the way her hair bounces. But is it a two-way street? Look for these good signs.
She can’t stop twirling her hair.
She’s always fidgeting, flipping her hair, or scratching her nose while you’re having a conversation. Chances are her twitchiness is not an allergic reaction. It’s very possible she’s looking for something to do with her hands because she’s been attacked by a case of nerves. Why? ’Cause she digs you and wants to make a good impression!
She talks to you for random reasons.
She makes fun of your outfit, no matter what you’re wearing. She wants help with the math assignment, even though she’s an A student and you can’t tell a prime number from a prime rib. She wants to use your pencil sharpener, but she’s using a pen.
She laughs at your lamest jokes.
If you say that six is afraid of seven because seven ate nine, and she cracks up—she either likes you or she’s got the worst sense of humor in the universe.
Avoid “playful” insults and jokes.
Instead, find out what interests her. Do you have any knowledge about her interests that you could share? If not, why not try to read up a bit? It’s a pretty cool way to gain friendship and IQ points.
Compliments are key.
By telling her how cool her locker decorations are or that you agreed with what she said in class, you let her know that she’s making an impression, and it’s a good one!
Take it online.
IMs and e-mail are perfect for getting to know someone without the stress of actual, in-person communication. So ask for her e-mail address and screenname, and chat away! Next time you see her in person, bring up the topic of your last online convo, so you have a bridge from the e-world to the real world.
• How bad (or good) the food is at school.
• How hard (or easy) Mr. Wolfson’s class is.
• how lame (or cool) the school dance was.
• What celebrity she hatey-hate-hates.
• What a pain your brother is—and ask her if she has any siblings.
• Bands you like—and ask what she likes, too.
• Best joke she’s heard…and, yeah, be sure to LOL.
• Movies you saw recently—and…oh, you get the picture.
CHAPTER 5
For Girls Only!
How to Survive Mean Girls
There’s no saying what turns a girl mean, though scientists have their theories.
• Theory #1 suggests that deep down, the girl is insecure and knows she’s not as cool as she’s pretending to be.
• Theory #2 proposes that a mean girl is like social spinach: She’s been put here to make you stronger.
• Theory #3 states that she’s mean because her jeans are too tight and they’re cutting off the oxygen to her brain.
Whatever the cause, a mean girl’s nasty ways don’t have to get you down. Here’s how to deal with the most common species.
She tells you that she loves your outfit, wants to make plans with you after school, and agrees with everything you say…then she turns around and says the exact opposite to the girl she suddenly decides she likes more than you.