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That night, seeing her in the state she was in, not knowing whether her heart was going to give out on her from the amount of heroin that was pumping through her body, I knew I couldn’t live without her. For six years, I did everything in my power to protect her from this life, and in a matter of minutes, those years rolled into one nightmarish night after another as I sat by her side, waiting, talking to her about anything.

I’m not ashamed to cry. I’m human. I’ve cried a lot these past two weeks. Grieved, even. There will always be danger in the life I have chosen to lead. Calla was cast into it with her eyes closed. She now comes out with them wide open. My God, I’m so in love with her. She wakes up and one of the first things she wants to know is if everyone else involved is okay.

These past two weeks watching her go in and out of consciousness dragged on longer than the past six years did. She would wake up screaming and thrashing until the nurse would come in and give her medication to slip her back under. I never want to go through anything like this again.

This family has been through enough. Royal must pay. War has been declared now, against one man. No one has seen or heard from that son of a bitch since he somehow escaped right under our noses. John shot him, this much we all know. How he managed to slit the throats of two of Salvatore’s men and get past us is still a mystery. He’s now a wanted man. A man who has betrayed the honor of his blood. He will be caught. He will be tortured. And he will die.

I lie here next to my sleeping wife, holding her in my arms while she sleeps peacefully on my chest. My own body wants to give in and sleep, but my mind isn’t letting me as it continues to race like a horse. I have to tell her the rest. I’ve tried so many times to come up with a way to tell her. To find the right words. She’s been through so much. But this, this could destroy her. Every time I think about it, it breaks my damn heart.

I envision the day when the two of us can live a normal life. At least, as normal as it can be. When we can finally breathe easily. Fall asleep without worry. She doesn’t know it yet, but we will be staying in New York. The club has been turned over to Beamer. With Kryder gone, the Savages are no longer a threat to them. That part of my life is over. Our new life together will begin here. I know her, she will agree. She is loyal to her family. Loyal to me.

For the past week, I have sat in this room alongside Cecily and John constructing plans for our new life here. They, too, will be living here until this war with the Russians is over. Until Royal is found.

“You awake?”

Calla’s sleepy voice brings me out of my thoughts. The sound alone puts a smile on my face.

“Yeah.”

I pull her into me as tightly as I can without hurting her. She still has some healing to do. Her face and legs still have slight bruising. Her shoulder has pretty much healed. She has to be stiff and sore from lying in this bed for weeks, though.

“I know there is more you’re not telling me. I can handle it, you know?”

She braces herself up on her elbow. The light from the bathroom casts a shadow over her gorgeous face. The nursing staff has taken good care of her, giving her sponge baths and cleaning her hair with some kind of dry shampoo shit. She still steals my breath away.

“Ugh. This fucking thing is driving me nuts,” she moans.

“What thing?”

“This catheter. I want the damn thing out. It’s disgusting.”

I chuckle.

“It’s not funny. What time is it anyway? I want out of this bed. I want a shower. I want to brush my teeth and eat some real food.”

“Is that so?” I ask, laughing even more.

“Come here,” I beckon, placing my hand on the back of her head, gently coaxing her back down on my chest.

“I’m not sure what time it is. I would guess somewhere around six.”

Daylight is starting to peek through the slit in the curtains.

“As far as a shower and all those other demands, you have to wait for the doctor to clear you.”

“Great. He better get here soon then, damn it,” she sighs in frustration.

“Your mom came in after you fell asleep. She called him and he will be here at eight.”

I leave her to her thoughts, waiting patiently for her to start probing me with questions. She’s back to her inquisitive ways. Who’s to say what she’ll be like after I tell her everything? Will she want me, blame me? I have nothing to hide from her. I will tell her the truth about it all. Salvatore will fill her in on the rest.

“So,” she begins. “My first question is, how is Manny, really?”

I feel a tug on my heart hearing her first question is about Manny’s health.

“Honestly. He’s fine. He’s bound to find Royal. He’s tough, just like you. Trust me. He’s good.”

She clutches my shirt in her hand, exhaling a breath into my chest.

“I’m glad. What his brother did to him... I can’t even begin to describe what it felt like to see.”

I contain my rancid thoughts, burying them in the back of my mind. She doesn’t need to hear how I feel. The things I want to do to that slimy bastard.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Right after I speak those words, she stiffens in my arms.

“Not really. Someday, maybe.”

I sense her hesitation. I won’t push her. She can talk about it whenever she’s ready.

“And my dad? How is he?”

“Seriously, baby. He’s good. Everyone’s good. We’ve all been too busy worrying about you, making sure you were healing, to deal much with anything else. I mean, I’m sure your dad is kicking his own ass for what happened. You nailed it on the head, though, when you told him he did the right thing by taking out Emerald first. He knows that. You need to let him deal with it. Let him answer to himself. The only person who is blaming your dad is himself.”

I start rubbing her back in slow, lazy circles, applying light pressure to try and relieve some of the tension I can feel coiling up. She moans when I find a small knot.

“I’m just worried, that’s all.”

“I know you are, and I love you even more for it. Just trust me. Trust him, okay?”

“I do,” she says without any hesitancy in her voice at all.

“Any more questions?”

It’s like I can feel her mind working up against my chest.

“I want to move here,” she divulges. I hold back my grin.

“Really? I hadn’t thought of that. I would have guessed for sure you would want to go back to Michigan or possibly Canada to finish school.”

She sits straight up in bed, her eyes darting to mine in suspicion of my sarcasm. She adjusts the IV and the rubber cord to her catheter and faces me with a matter-of-fact look.

“Spill, Bexley,” she commands.

Her demanding nature is damn near a turn on. If she wasn’t still healing, I would turn her over my knee and spank her.

“Whatever do you mean?” I say innocently.

She tilts her head, shooting some wicked daggers at me with her eyes. The morning sun is now peeking through. Like I said, my woman is absolutely stunning, even with her hair halfway out of her ponytail and no makeup on. Life is coming back into her eyes. And here I lie hiding the one thing that will dull them.

Finish up this conversation and then tell her. Get it over with.

“I kind of took it upon myself to sort of move us here over the past week,” I admit.

She surprises me by bursting into laughter. It fills the entire room, her bright orbs glistening. Fuck me if I’m not about to crush her.

She abruptly stops laughing as quickly as she started.