Michelle nodded. ‘There was a half-term coming up…’
‘Late last May?’
‘Sounds about right, yeah. Encarna was in a panic because half-term was two weeks long and she needed to work and… well, I wasn’t available. I’d always been available before, when I was single. I didn’t have much of a social life, and Encarna’s family were like my family; that was what she always said, that she wanted me to feel part of the family, and I did.’ The hanky was so wet, Sam could see the pink of her fingers through the material. ‘I always said yes to everything and she paid so well-miles more than any of my friends who were nannies were getting. But it was different once I had a boyfriend. It was just bad luck that he’d suggested going away for those two weeks. I was so excited, I said yes before I’d checked with Encarna, and then once it was booked…’ She shrugged. ‘I mean, would you have expected me to cancel?’
‘It sounds like a misunderstanding,’ Sam said diplomatically.
‘I couldn’t cancel! I had a feeling he was planning to propose and he did! It was so romantic: we’d only just met, but he said he knew. I did everything I could to help sort things out for Encarna. I phoned her mum in Spain and asked if she could come over, and she could. She was happy to, she said, but when I told Encarna she exploded. I should have realised-she didn’t get on that well with her mum, and she didn’t want her around for a whole fortnight.’ Michelle pressed her eyes shut, squeezing out more tears. ‘I thought she was going to kill me.’
‘Did she attack you physically?’
‘No. She just made me ring her mum back and tell her I’d made a mistake. It was awful. And I made it worse. I said I didn’t understand why it would be so bad, the half-term holiday. Amy’s dad had offered to have a week off work. He was always so good about doing his share-it wasn’t as if he left it all to Encarna…’
‘What was he like? Describe him.’
‘Oh, a real sweetie.’
Sam found it hard not to look disgusted.
‘He was lovely to Amy. Encarna used to say he had more maternal feelings than she did, and I think she was right.’
‘You were saying about the half-term holiday? He offered to have a week off work?’
‘Yeah, he suggested they share it,’ said Michelle. ‘Each stay at home for a week with Amy. I mean, that wouldn’t have killed Encarna, would it? I knew she wasn’t keen on doing the whole hands-on mum thing, but I didn’t realise she hated looking after Amy that much. She…’ Michelle seemed to think better of whatever she had been about to say.
‘What? If you’ve remembered something, whatever it is, you have to tell me.’
‘She didn’t mean it. She said if she ended up having to take a week off work to look after Amy, she’d kill her, but she was just… exaggerating. Letting off steam.’
Sam leaned forward. ‘What exactly did Encarna say about killing Amy?’
‘Look, she only said it to make me feel bad. She wanted to ruin my holiday.’ Michelle buried her face in her hands. ‘She knew I’d never been abroad before. She knew the only holidays I’d been on were to my mum and dad’s stupid caravan.’
‘So you’d never been abroad with Encarna, to look after Amy?’
‘No. I would have, like a shot, but they always went to the same place in Switzerland. Inder… Inter…’
‘Interlaken?’
‘That was it, yeah. It was called the Grand Hotel something-or-other, and it had a children’s club that was open all day, seven days a week. It had babysitting too.’ Michelle pulled her lips tightly together. ‘I didn’t get it myself, but there was a lot about Encarna that I didn’t understand. I suppose that was what I loved about her: she was unusual. I mean, most people go on holiday to spend more time with their kids, don’t they? That’s the whole point. Not to leave them with Swiss nannies.’
Sam found that he didn’t want to think too hard about the possibility of leaving his two sons with Swiss nannies. He and Kate could lie on sun-loungers by the pool, reading books and drinking cocktails like in the old days. The Grand Hotel Something-or-other in Interlaken. There was no point Googling it. Kate would veto the plan immediately, and he’d get bollocked for having dared to make so callous a suggestion.
‘I was actually flattered that Encarna was jealous,’ said Michelle bitterly. ‘When I told her I had a new boyfriend, that I wasn’t available to help her twenty-four hours a day any more.’
‘I thought you were part-time?’ said Sam.
‘Officially, yeah, but more often than not I ended up staying over; it was easier. And while I was single, I didn’t mind. I had pots of money. Encarna set up a little gym for me in the house. I’m a gym addict.’ Michelle raised a toned arm for Sam to inspect. ‘She even bought me a car. Not just a runaround, like some of my mates who are nannies have got-she let me choose.’
‘A red Alfa Romeo,’ said Sam.
‘That’s right.’ She didn’t ask how he knew. ‘I loved it. I called it Speedy. But then she…’
Sam waited while she composed herself. He hated the custom of giving names to cars. His and Kate’s VW Passat had a name. Sam found it so embarrassing that he’d spent years pretending he’d forgotten what it was.
‘She made me give it back! When I said I wouldn’t cancel the holiday. She said I’d betrayed her and I didn’t deserve it any more, and she held out her hand for the keys. And I gave them to her! It was my car, I should have told her to piss off-sorry for swearing-but I was so shocked! She’d always been so nice to me, and suddenly she was being more vicious than anyone’s ever been to me, and… If she’d just been a bit unreasonable, I’d probably have stood up to her. I’m not a doormat. But it was like she was being so horrible, it freaked me out. I couldn’t think straight. I kept thinking, This can’t be happening. And… she seemed so sure, I thought maybe she was right, maybe I deserved it.’
‘Michelle, did Encarna love Amy?’ Sam asked.
‘Course she did. She just couldn’t cope with being a mum. It wasn’t her scene. She was dead honest about it-I really admired her for that. She’d joke about how rubbish she was. She used to say, “Saint Michelle, please take this child away or I’ll end up hanging myself from the rafters.” ’
‘Did she ever joke about killing Amy?’ Sam asked.
A pause. ‘No.’
‘Michelle?’
‘I’ve already told you. When she said she’d end up killing Amy if she had to look after her during half-term. Amy had this little black and silver night light. Like a desk lamp, really, but it used to sit just inside the bathroom, on the floor-there was a plug socket on the landing by the bathroom door-and it stayed on all night. Amy’s door and the bathroom door both had to be open just the right amount, so that Amy’s room wasn’t too light or too dark.’ Michelle started to smile, then stopped. ‘Amy was quite particular. She could fly off the handle sometimes, but she was dead loving.’
‘Carry on,’ said Sam.
‘What? Oh. Encarna used the night light when she wanted to read in the bath. She reckoned the main bathroom light was too bright, and you couldn’t have it on without having the noise of the extractor fan as well, so she used to put Amy’s night light on the side of the bath.’
What kind of reckless idiot would take a risk like that? Sam wondered. Then he guessed where Michelle’s story was going and felt sick. ‘Did she say she’d drop the night light in the water while Amy was having a bath?’ he asked, wanting to get the confirmation of his worst fears out of the way.
Michelle nodded. ‘Yeah. “If you abandon us, I’m going to be pushing that night light into Amy’s bathwater within a few days,” she said. “Everyone’s always saying I’ll electrocute myself, but I’m not that self-sacrificing!” It was horrendous-Amy was standing right behind her. She heard every word. Encarna didn’t see her at first, and of course she felt awful when she did. She gave her a big hug and… Honestly, she totally didn’t mean it. She was just a drama queen. Like mother, like daughter. That’s why, after she’d yelled at me and thrown me out and nicked my car, I didn’t get too upset at first. I thought she’d ring after a few days and beg me to forgive her, say she couldn’t live without me. She always used to say that. But… I never heard from her again. I tried ringing her, over and over, but she ignored all my messages.’ She looked up at Sam. ‘How could she go from not being able to live without me to never wanting to speak to me again? It makes no sense.’