“What I understand is that I was lied to for years. That the people I always thought were my family aren’t. That this place,” I flail my hand around at the kitchen, “wasn’t always my home. That all these damn years I spent here, feeling like a fucking outcast, could’ve been avoided if you would’ve just let Grandma raise me, instead of bringing me into a family who hates me!” I’m breathing ravenously by the time I’m finished, but it feels so good to get it out.
The vein in my dad’s forehead bulges as he glides his hand across the table and clutches my hand. “You will never talk to me that way again. Do you understand? I won’t let you turn into your mother. I won’t let you turn into that vile woman who ruined my life.”
His fingers dig so violently into my hand I’m pretty sure I’m going to have bruises. “From now on, you will do everything Lynn and I tell you.” He lets me go and pushes back from the table. “And as far as I’m concerned, she is your mother.” He looks at Lynn before storming out of the kitchen.
“What did you think was going to happen?” Lynn says as I work to get oxygen into my lungs. “That he was going to tell you he was sorry and that deep down he really loved your mother?” She rolls her eyes at me when I say nothing.
“Your mother was a terrible person who did terrible things to people, and we’ve been trying to make it so you didn’t end up like her.” She scoots back from the table, looking at me with hatred as she grabs my hand and pulls me to my feet. “But from what I can see, you’re going to end up just like her. Rotting in a grave that no one visits.” She drags me with her as she heads for the doorway. “Now, you’re going to come with me and paint over that god-awful painting you put up on that wall.”
I can barely breathe. Barely think. Barely make sense of what she said.
My mom’s a bad person?
She did terrible things?
I’m going to end up just like her?
She’s dead?
I have to get out of here.
“No!” I shout, wrenching my hand from her hold. “I’m not going to paint that fucking wall. It’s my wall. And I like the painting.”
She doesn’t seem shocked by my outburst. If anything, she seems pleased, like she’s gotten everything she’s wanted. “Just like your mother,” she says.
I shove her, not enough to do much, but it still shocks her. Before she can say anything, I run out of the kitchen and down the driveway. I think about running to town or texting Grandma Stephy or Indigo to come get me, but before I can get that far, Kai appears at the corner of the sidewalk.
He starts to turn away the moment he spots me, but then he notices the tears in my eyes and rushes for me. “What’s wrong?”
I shake my head. “I can’t . . .” I suck in a huge breath of air. “I can’t . . .” I start to sob hysterically and my legs buckle. “My mom’s dead.”
Kai catches me before I hit the ground and pulls me against his chest. I pull back, feeling moronic for having a meltdown in front of him, but he only presses me closer and lets me cry into his shirt.
“It’s going to be okay,” he says, smoothing his hand up and down my back. “I promise.”
I wish he was right. I wish this was all a bad dream or something that I could eventually get over. Maybe one day I will. Maybe one day it won’t hurt so badly. But right now, the pain is suffocating way more than the shell I used to live in, and I’m unsure how to make it go away or if it’ll ever go away completely.
So I do the only thing I can do for now. I cry as hard as I can, letting it all out, grateful Kai is there to keep me from falling down completely.
KAI
I DON’T KNOW what to do to help her. All I know is that I wish I could take her pain away.
I’ve always had a soft spot for Isa ever since seventh grade, way before her girly makeover. But I fucked that friendship up by being a pussy and not standing up to my friends. I’m not like that anymore, though, haven’t been for a while.
Over the last year, I’ve tried to become friends with Isa again, but every time I opened my mouth, she’d get pissed off. She’s the only girl that’s ever called me out on my bullshit, who’s cared enough about me to ask if I’m okay, and one of the few girls who hasn’t tried to use me to get to Kyler. And it pisses me off that he’s trying to date her now. He didn’t even give her the time of day until a few weeks ago, and he still has no clue what makes Isa so amazingly different from everyone else.
God, what I’d give to kiss her again, like I did in the driveway; only this time, we’d both be sober. I almost did it while we were in the tree, but I chickened out, because she hesitated. I know what that hesitation means. It means she didn’t want to kiss me, and more than likely, she was probably thinking of Kyler.
Fucking story of my life.
“Kai, I think my mom’s dead,” Isa whispers.
Her face is still pressed to my chest, and it hurts like a bitch, because I’m pretty sure T broke a rib when he punched me earlier today. The punch was just the start of things if I can’t come up with the money I owe him. Or that Bradon owes him anyway. Somehow, I got caught up in this fucking mess, because I stupidly vouched for Bradon, even though I knew I shouldn’t. And now I’m the one T’s coming after.
“Why do you think she’s dead?” My fingers travel up and down Isa’s back and my touch seems to soothe her.
“Lynn just told me she was.” Her voice is hoarse. “She said she was a bad person and that she is rotting in her grave now.”
I shake my head. Fucking Lynn. That woman is a bitch, just like her Mini Me Clone daughter. “Isa, you know Lynn could be lying to you? She’s not a reliable source.”
“Yeah, I know.” She sniffles into my shirt. “But what if she’s not lying? What if she’s telling the truth?”
I think about the papers I tucked away in my back pocket about an hour ago, the papers Big Doug gave me from all the information he dug up on Isa’s mom.
“But she might not be.” I want to tell her what I know, but I’m worried she’ll completely break apart if I do it right now. Isa’s a strong girl—she’s had to be with all the shit she’s put up with at home—but this is big. If I wait a few days, she’ll be able to handle the news better, and that might give me enough time to get some more information on why her mom’s in jail in Virginia. The papers said for murder charges, but didn’t give all the details. I’m not buying the story yet. If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the last couple of months, it’s never assume things are what they appear to be.
“Why do your stomach muscles keep tightening?” she asks, pulling back to look at me. Her eyes are swollen and she’s got the whole raccoon look going on, but she still looks beautiful. “Am I hugging you too hard?”
I snort a laugh. “Yeah, your tiny little arms are giving me booboos.”
That gets her to smile, but then she instantly frowns as her eyes well up again.
“Hey, I have an idea.” I drape my arm over her shoulders and steer her toward the house. “How about we go inside, get you some chocolate, and watch Zombieland.” I know she won’t refuse, because sugar and zombies are the key to her heart.
“Thanks, Kai, you’re such a good friend,” she says, wiping her eyes with her sleeves. “Seriously, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
My lip twitches at the friend reference, but I remind myself that it’s for the best, at least until I get this shit with T sorted out, because the last thing I want to do is drag her into that mess. After that, though, all bets are off. That kiss in the tree will happen, but when she’s ready.
She may think she likes Kyler, that he’s the one for her, but she’s wrong. Kyler doesn’t get her like I do, doesn’t know how to make her laugh, doesn’t know how to talk comic book and superhero crazy talk with her like I do.