“I’m sorry I can’t do more today, Lady,” the doctor said. “However, there may be one way to prevent falls while we pursue longer-term improvement. Might I suggest a cane?”
Selemei blinked at her for a few seconds. Then it occurred to her, “The Eminence Indal carries a cane.”
“Does he indeed, Lady?”
“He takes it into the Cabinet meetings.”
The doctor bowed. “Two doors down from here is a shop where you might be able to find something suitable.”
“Thank you, Doctor. I’ll look, and I’ll get back to you.” Grivi had finished his work at just the right moment; she took his arm.
“Thank you, Lady. I’ll send you a report on what we’ve discussed, and a list of suggested actions.”
“I’ll look forward to it.”
Selemei walked on Grivi’s arm out through the main hall, hurrying through the waiting room so as to cause a minimum of disturbance to the Lowers there. It wasn’t difficult to find the shop Doctor Wint had suggested; it was staffed by Kartunnen and carried a variety of medical devices. None of the canes here were made of wood, but that only made sense—this was not a neighborhood which could support such high prices. There was a bin of black canes, but they seemed too Imbati; another bin held aluminum canes, but they seemed too Low. Selemei scanned a glass case of artist-designed canes intended for Kartunnen until she found a graceful one which did not use Heile’s green in its design.
“Purchase this one, if you would, Grivi.”
Grivi looked down at his hands, clasped before his waist, and said quietly, “Mistress? Must you purchase a cane?”
“Sorry?”
“I can accompany you at parties, if you wish. Even if the rooms are crowded.”
Oh, no. That was why he was unhappy. This morning she’d asked Ustin for advice before she even called for him. She’d asked Kartunnen Wint for medical assistance that Grivi had always provided. And now, buying a cane meant she wouldn’t need him for walking, either. For the first time, she understood what he’d said—‘if you wish Ustin to advise you, perhaps you should inquire.’ He didn’t mean ask; he meant write an employment inquiry. That was uncharacteristic sharpness for him, but now that she thought about it, he must have been upset ever since that first day, when Ustin approached her during Pelli’s nap.
“I’m sorry, Grivi,” she said. “You serve me well, and always have. Please don’t worry; ladies don’t hire gentlemen’s servants.”
His shoulders rose and fell with a breath. “If I may presume, Mistress.”
“Please.”
“Ladies don’t attend Cabinet meetings either.”
“That was a disaster, Grivi.”
“Mistress…”
“If you differ, Grivi, please tell me.”
“You have now attended two meetings, Mistress, more than any other lady can say. In neither case did you flee. And your persistence has won you the provisional support of the First Family’s cabinet member. Your intelligence is certainly a match to Master Xeref’s, a long suspicion of mine that was confirmed when you spoke to Ustin this morning. If you are to continue in this, you will need her services more than mine. But I do wish to know one thing.”
His honesty was sobering, almost frightening. She whispered, “What’s that?”
“Is this your wish, Mistress?” Emotion colored his voice on that phrase, and he bowed his head. “I have vowed myself to your service, vowed to make your wishes my own. And if this is your wish, so let it be. But please be sure.”
How could she answer, when she wasn’t sure of anything anymore, even her next footstep? “Thank you, Grivi,” she said. “I don’t know. I wish—I just don’t know.”
Grivi bowed. “If you will excuse me a moment, I’ll purchase the cane.”
Of course she’d been summoned before the Arbiter of the First Family Council. Of course she had. The letter delivered by Erex’s Kuarmei had made her feel sick to her stomach; now she squeezed her fear into it with one sweaty hand, taking care not to hurt Grivi with the other as they walked. Selemei turned Ustin’s excellent political advice over and over in her head, but there was no guarantee Erex would listen. Chances were, he’d scold her and send her home to grieve.
They reached the hallway. Erex’s office was across from Fedron’s; at her back, she could feel Xeref’s office whispering of emptiness. She shivered, squeezed Grivi’s hand, and knocked on the Arbiter’s office door. The door swung silently inward.
“Lady Selemei,” intoned Erex’s Kuarmei from behind the door.
“Come in, Cousin.” Erex stood before his desk with fingers tented against his lips. He gestured to a cushioned chair. “Please, sit down.”
Gnash it. Gnash all of it. She let herself be led to the seat, and seated in it. If she hadn’t feared her leg might fail her, she might have preferred to face Erex nose to nose. On the other hand, his position of Family authority lent him more magnitude than his physical size. Selemei clasped her hand tightly around her left wrist; sharp rubies pressed into her skin.
My blood is precious. The Family doesn’t deserve my life.
Erex leaned back on the front edge of his desk. “I’ve been thinking of you and your family in this difficult time,” he said. “How have you been feeling?”
She didn’t trust this kindness. “I’m coping.”
“And how are the children?”
She almost told him. The boys were suffering most after the loss of their parent and mentor; Xeref had been less close to the older girls, so they were less affected; while Pelli was sad, but didn’t truly understand. But this was a distraction, possibly even a trap. “As well as can be expected, given the circumstances.”
Erex waited. Testing her with silence. Selemei stared at her hands, at a single sparkling ruby drop that had escaped her grip, and outlasted him.
Erex cleared his throat. “Cousin, I received a messenger from the Eminence Indal yesterday. Do you know what he came to ask me?”
She nodded, but kept her eyes on the sparkling ruby, as if it were a wysp that could give her good luck.
“In fact, I was shocked,” Erex said. “Indal’s Jex stayed for several minutes, to pressure me into providing an immediate answer. And I might have, if I hadn’t already spoken to Fedron. He told me to wait.”
Selemei spoke softly. “Cousin Fedron understands the bind the First Family is in.”
“He does,” Erex agreed automatically. Then he twitched, as if he’d suddenly awakened. “Do you?”
Selemei’s heart banged inside her chest. She tried to keep her breath level, and hold Ustin’s advice steady in her mind. “The bind the First Family is in,” she said slowly. “Yes. I understand that the Family failed to deliver its chosen substitute to a critical meeting, and that if I hadn’t been there, we would no longer have any claim to the seat. At the same time, I realize it would be very difficult at this point for us to sue for permission to seat a second replacement.”
The Arbiter clearly hadn’t expected her to answer. He seemed flustered for a second, but then resumed his scolding. “In fact, Selemei, we could be embroiled in the courts for years because of you.”
“Because of me?” she asked. “Not because the Family couldn’t keep quiet about their plan to bring Cousin Garr back from Selimna?”
Erex frowned. “Who told you that?”
Ustin would have said, I don’t know. “Isn’t it public?” she asked. “Speaker Orn informed every member of the cabinet. If I hadn’t attended the meeting, the Third and Fifth families would be using their connections to the Heir and the Eminence to bully their way into our seat right now.” She shifted with a deep breath, readying for a risk. “And actually, there’s no need for any legal dispute.”