“A tall, dark, and handsome man will soon come into your life,” he was intoning in that sepulchral voice men habitually use in their dealings with the absolute.
Sara’s green eyes focused beyond him, on me, and began to twinkle.
“And there he is right now,” she commented dryly. “Mr. Kennedy, Personnel Director for Computer Research.”
The Swami whirled around, his heavy robe following the movement in a practiced swirl. His liquid black eyes looked me over shrewdly, and he bowed toward me as he vaguely touched his chest, lips and forehead. I expected him to murmur, “Effendi,” or “Bwana Sahib,” or something, but he must have felt silence was more impressive.
I acknowledged his greeting by pulling down one corner of my mouth. Then I looked at his companion.
The young lieutenant was standing very straight, very stiff, and a flush of pink was starting up from his collar and spreading around his clenched jaws to leave a semicircle of white in front of his red ears.
“Who are you?” I asked the lieutenant.
“Lieutenant Murphy,” he answered shortly, and managed to open his teeth a bare quarter of an inch for the words to come out. “Pentagon!” His light gray eyes pierced me to see if I were impressed.
I wasn’t.
“Division of Matériel and Supply,” he continued in staccato, as if he were imitating a machine gun.
I waited. It was obvious he wasn’t through yet. He hesitated, and I could see his Adam’s apple travel up above the knot of his tie and back down again as he swallowed. The pink flush deepened suddenly into brilliant red and spread all over his face.
“Poltergeist Section,” he said defiantly.
“What?” The exclamation was out before I could catch it.
He tried to glare at me, but his eyes were pleading instead.
“General Sanfordwaithe said you’d understand.” He intended to make it matter of fact in a sturdy, confident voice, but there was the undertone of a wail. It was time I lent a hand before his forces were routed and left him shattered in hopeless defeat.
“You’re West Point, aren’t you?” I asked kindly.
It seemed to remind him of the old shoulder-to-shoulder tradition. He straightened still more. I hadn’t believed it possible.
“Yes, sir!” He wanted to keep the gratitude out of his voice, but it was there. It did not escape my attention that, for the first time, he had spoken the habitual term of respect to me.
“Well, what do you have here, Lieutenant Murphy?” I nodded toward the Swami who had been wavering between a proud, free stance and that of a drooping supplicant. The lieutenant, whose quality had been recognized, even by a civilian, was restored unto himself. He was again ready to do or die.
“According to my orders, sir,” he said formally, “you have requested the Pentagon furnish you with one half dozen, six, male-type poltergeists. I am delivering the first of them to you, sir.”
Sara’s mouth, hanging wide open, reminded me to close my own.
So the Pentagon was calling me on my bluff. Well, maybe they did have something at that. I’d see.
“Float me over that ash tray there on the desk,” I said casually to the Swami.
He looked at me as if I’d insulted him, and I could anticipate some reply to the effect that he was not applying for domestic service. But the humble supplicant rather than the proud and fierce hill man won. He started to pick up the ash tray from Sara’s desk with his hand.
“No, no!” I exclaimed. “I didn’t ask you to hand it to me. I want you to TK it over to me. What’s the matter? Can’t you even TK a simple ash tray?”
The lieutenant’s eyes were getting bigger and bigger.
“Didn’t your Poltergeist Section test this guy’s aptitudes for telekinesis before you brought him from Washington all the way out here to Los Angeles?” I snapped at him.
The lieutenant’s lips thinned to a bloodless line. Apparently I, a civilian, was criticizing the judgment of the Army.
“I am certain he must have qualified adequately,” he said stiffly, and this time left off the “sir.”
“Well, I don’t know,” I answered doubtfully. “If he hasn’t even enough telekinetic ability to float me an ash tray across the room—”
The Swami recovered himself first. He put the tips of his long fingers together in the shape of a sway-backed steeple, and rolled his eyes upward.
“I am an instrument of infinite wisdom,” he intoned. “Not a parlor magician.”
“You mean that with all your infinite wisdom you can’t do it,” I accused flatly.
“The vibrations are not favorable—” he rolled the words sonorously.
“All right,” I agreed. “We’ll go somewhere else, where they’re better!”
“The vibrations throughout all this crass, materialistic Western world—” he intoned.
“All right,” I interrupted, “we’ll go to India, then. Sara, call up and book tickets to Calcutta on the first possible plane!” Sara’s mouth had been gradually closing, but it unhinged again.
“Perhaps not even India,” the Swami murmured, hastily. “Perhaps Tibet.”
“Now you know we can’t get admission into Tibet while the Communists control it,” I argued seriously. “But how about Nepal? That’s a fair compromise. The Maharajadhiraja’s friendly now. I’ll settle for Nepal.”
The Swami couldn’t keep the triumphant glitter out of his eyes. The sudden worry that I really would take him to India to see if he could TK an ash tray subsided. He had me.
“I’m afraid it would have to be Tibet,” he said positively. “Nowhere else in all this troubled world are the vibrations—”
“Oh go on back to Flatbush!” I interrupted disgustedly. “You know as well as I that you’ve never been outside New York before in your life. Your accent’s as phony as the pear-shaped tones of a Midwestern garden club president. Can’t even TK a simple ash tray!”
I turned to the amazed lieutenant.
“Will you come into my office?” I asked him.
He looked over at the Swami, in doubt.
“He can wait out here,” I said. “He won’t run away. There isn’t any subway, and he wouldn’t know what to do. Anyway, if he did get lost, your Army Intelligence could find him. Give G-2 something to work on. Right through this door, lieutenant.”
“Yes, sir,” he said meekly, and preceded me into my office.
I closed the door behind us and waved him over to the crying chair. He folded at the knees and hips, as if he were hinged only there, as if there were no hinges at all in the ramrod of his back. He sat up straight, on the edge of his chair, ready to spring into instant charge of battle. I went around back to my desk and sat down.
“Now, lieutenant,” I said soothingly, “tell me all about it.”
I could have sworn his square chin quivered at the note of sympathy in my voice. I wondered, irrelevantly, if the lads at West Point all slept with their faces confined in wooden frames to get that characteristically rectangular look.
“You knew I was from West Point,” he said, and his voice held a note of awe. “And you knew, right away, that Swami was a phony from Flatbush.”
“Come now,” I said with a shrug. “Nothing to get mystical about. Patterns. Just patterns. Every environment leaves the stamp of its matrix on the individual shaped in it. It’s a personnel man’s trade to recognize the make of a person, just as you would recognize the make of a rifle.”
“Yes, sir. I see, sir,” he answered. But of course he didn’t. And there wasn’t much use to make him try. Most people cling too desperately to the ego-saving formula: Man cannot know man.
“Look, lieutenant,” I said, with an idea that we’d better get down to business. “Have you been checked out on what this is all about?”