When the bell rang I headed to the port racks but Miss Williams called me back in.
‘I have to go,’ I said. ‘Wally’s waiting for me.’
‘I’m sure he can wait a minute,’ she said.
I didn’t want to talk to her, didn’t want to talk to anyone. ‘He’ll leave without me.’
‘I’m sure he’ll wait.’ She stared at me. Her glasses made her look like a bug. I scratched the back of my leg with my foot. ‘Are you sure you’re okay?’ she said.
I nodded. ‘I felt a bit sick but I’m fine now.’
‘And how are things at home?’ she said.
‘Why?’ I asked. ‘What did Wally say?’
‘Nothing,’ she said. ‘You just seem a bit upset. I’m wondering if something’s troubling you.’
‘No,’ I said. ‘Nothing’s troubling me.’
She smiled. ‘If you say so.’
I stared at her, didn’t know what to say. For a moment I was worried she could see into my mind, could see what I’d seen in the paddock.
‘You can talk to me, if you’d like to,’ she said. ‘Or to Wally. It’s very special to be a twin.’
‘No, it’s not,’ I said.
‘Why do you say that?’
‘It’s just not that special. Everyone thinks it is, but it’s not. Cassie said that we only have one soul because Granddad’s split in half. That’s the only special thing about it.’
She smiled. ‘Don’t you get along?’
‘Not anymore,’ I said.
Miss Williams laughed a little bit, which I didn’t understand because I wasn’t telling a joke and it didn’t seem like a funny thing to say.
‘He doesn’t like me,’ I said.
‘Why do you think that?’
‘He just doesn’t.’
‘I’m sure he likes you very much,’ she said. ‘But maybe this will give you a chance to make some new friends.’
I shrugged. She seemed to be waiting for me to say something else. ‘Do you smoke?’ I said.
‘No, I don’t,’ she replied. ‘Why do you ask?’
‘Did you know if you smoke your fingers turn black and fall off?’
‘I did know that,’ she said. ‘Smoking’s very bad for you.’
I wasn’t sure why she was being so nice to me. She didn’t know anything about Les, I could tell. But she’d find out soon enough and, when she did, she’d treat us how we deserved to be treated. But for now, I hoped I’d distracted her enough to forget about how upset she thought I looked.
I glanced over my shoulder to the door. Miss Williams sighed, so quietly I almost didn’t notice it, and I don’t think I was supposed to notice it, because then she opened the lolly jar and held it out to me. It was full of sugary jubes, the kind that sting your lips. She said I could take one for Wally as well.
‘Don’t tell anyone,’ she said, and gave me a wink.
Wally was waiting by the port rack. I felt bad for what I’d said about him to Miss Williams, but not bad enough to give him his lolly.
‘Where’d you go?’ he said.
‘I was right in there,’ I said. ‘You just saw me come out.’
‘Not now,’ he said. ‘At lunchtime.’
‘Nowhere,’ I said, stuffing my things into my bag. The zipper was stuck so I tugged until it fixed itself.
‘You’ll break it if you do that,’ Wally said.
‘It’s already broken,’ I said.
Wally pulled at the bag straps over his shoulders. ‘I couldn’t find you anywhere.’
‘I was in the toilets,’ I said.
‘No, you weren’t. I looked in there.’
‘You looked in the girls’ toilet?’
‘So what?’ he said. ‘It was empty. And your bike was gone.’
I shrugged, headed to the bike rack. Wally followed me and we walked for a while. I kicked at a rock, and then Wally kicked it back. We went back and forth for a while, before it bounced on another rock and skittered into the gutter.
‘You were gone for ages,’ he said.
‘I had the vomits,’ I said. ‘I already told you.’
‘Well, you better not be contagious,’ he said.
Wally wanted lollies so we went to Main Street. I didn’t want to go home, and rode slowly so that Wally had to keep stopping to let me catch up.
‘Hurry up, you slow-poke,’ he said.
‘There’s something wrong with my bike,’ I lied. ‘It’s not going any faster.’
When we got to the corner shop, the owner came downstairs when the buzzer rang. He watched the small TV set up next to the register while we picked out our lollies.
‘Is that all you’re getting?’ Wally said, when I put a single Ghost Drop on the counter.
‘Yeah,’ I said.
‘You better not ask for any of mine later,’ Wally said. ‘I’m not sharing with you.’
‘I don’t want any of your stupid lollies.’
‘Well, you’re not getting any.’
‘I said I don’t want any.’
I gave the man five cents for my Ghost Drop and sucked it on the ride home. Along the highway I skidded on a rock and came off my bike, grazing my knee. When I fell the lolly slipped down my throat, sunk like a stone to the pit of my belly.
I didn’t talk to Cassie all afternoon. I wanted to wait, to think things through first. I couldn’t think of any good reason for Cassie to have that uniform. All I knew was that he dumped the uniform in the paddock, that it was a uniform from the private school. A girl’s uniform. And I just knew that Ian had something to do with it.
I was doing homework in the kitchen after dinner when Ian came over. He usually honked the horn or waited in the yard with his headlights blinding us all, until Dad yelled something rude out the window and Cassie went outside. But I heard his car come up the driveway, and a minute later there was a soft knock at the back door. No one seemed to have heard it. I went into the hallway and opened the door. Ian was standing there in the dark. I switched on the verandah light and he startled, then squinted as he got used to the light. One of his eyes was crusty pink. There was a scratch along his cheek.
‘Hi, Cub,’ he said. He wiped his nose on his wrist and looked past me into the hallway. ‘How’re you going?’
‘Fine,’ I said.
‘Good day at school?’
‘Alright.’
‘Go get Cassie, would you?’ he said.
I turned around and looked down the hall. ‘I don’t think he’s here.’
‘’Course he’s here. His car’s here. Now go get him.’
‘I think he went out.’
‘Don’t bullshit me,’ Ian said. ‘Either you go get him or I’ll come in and get him myself. Alright?’
‘I’ll have a look,’ I said. ‘But I don’t think he’s here.’
‘Just do what you’re told.’
Ian turned and looked into the paddock. He picked at the rubbery pimples on the back of his neck and then sniffed in long and hard. When he looked back at me he seemed surprised that I was still there. He nodded down at my hand. ‘What are you doing with that pencil?’ he said.
I looked at my hand. My fist was curled tight around the pencil, its grey tip sharp as a fang. I tried to open my hand but couldn’t, as though my fingers had snapped shut around it. After a second they unclenched. The pencil clattered to the floor, rolled along the floorboards.
‘I was just doing my homework.’ I picked up the pencil, closed the flyscreen and hurried down the hallway. I knocked on Cassie’s door. When I looked back Ian was in the doorway, face pressed up against the flyscreen.
I tried to finish my homework but still couldn’t concentrate. I needed Ian to leave. I felt my guts squeezing together and the more I thought about the uniform the tighter they felt. I went to the back door. The verandah light was off, but I could see the two of them out there by Ian’s car. I opened the flyscreen and headed down the verandah steps before I knew what I was doing, my legs controlling my brain. Ian and Cassie must have spotted my shadow or heard me crossing the grass, because when I got to the clothesline they shut up. I paused, like I was playing musical statues. I tried to come up with a reason to tell Cassie to come inside but I couldn’t think that quickly. I looked up. The sky was steel grey and I felt unsteady on my feet. The earth was turning very fast.