“We certainly shall, my love,” he said. “Especially if I may have you on my arm.”
“Of course,” she said.
21
THE walk took them down the lawn to the jetty, around the grassy bank of the lake to their left, past reeds and a noisy family of ducks, into the trees on the far side, and onto the beginnings of the wilderness walk. Sometimes the trees enclosed them and offered a welcome shade from the sun. At others they opened out and afforded views of the water and the house. At one point it led to the tiny cottage at the top of the steepest part of the bank and the waterfall beside it.
Lady Hornsby and Mrs. Dubois had remained behind to sit in the parterre garden. Mr. Dubois had walked into the village with Mr. Finley to call upon a few former acquaintances of the latter. Everyone else had come on the walk, even Miss Daniels and the Reverend Bellow.
It took close to an hour just getting as far as the waterfall since there was so much to stop for and admire and exclaim over on the way and so many seats on which to sit to rest from their exertions. And at every moment there was a great deal of animated chatter and laughter to delay them even further.
“I am well aware,” Jasper said to Katherine while Miss Fletcher and Miss Hortense Dubois were stretching their hands gingerly into the waterfall and then shrieking at their own daring and exclaiming loudly at the coldness of the water, “that this house party is for Charlotte’s sake and that both she and the infants are enjoying themselves enormously. But I am an elder and bored almost to tears by it all. Are you?”
“Not at all,” she said. “I like all our guests very much indeed and the surroundings are lovely and the weather is perfect. I daresay a curricle race to Land’s End and back would be more to your taste.”
“If you would come with me,” he said. “Would you?” “I am afraid not,” she said. “I have no desire to break my neck and both my legs.”
“Coward,” he said.
“Besides,” she said, “it would probably rain somewhere along the way and I would ruin a perfectly decent bonnet.”
“No race to Land’s End and back, then,” he said with a sigh. “How about a private walk a little way up into the hills instead? There is somewhere I want to show you.”
“Did I not see it all two weeks ago?” she asked as Charlotte shrieked and Thane bellowed and someone informed him that his sleeve was soaked and everyone shouted with laughter.
“No, you did not.” He offered her his hand. “Come with me. No one will miss us-they are all too busy flirting with one another. And Miss Daniels is here to see that they do not get too enthusiastic about it.”
“It seems very neglectful to abandon all our guests,” she said. But it was a weak protest. She did not resist the pull of his hand, and he walked her briskly away from the waterfall in the direction of the fork in the path, one branch of which led down to the beach while the other climbed up into the hills. He took the latter.
He was feeling too restless for a walk at slower than a snail’s pace. His thoughts had been swirling around in his brain for several hours, and he felt in dire need of peace and quiet.
They walked rather briskly despite the upward slope until they reached the ancient beech tree at one end of the rhododendron stretch of the walk. He stopped there and leaned back against the trunk for a moment, still holding her hand.
“Winded?” he asked.
He could hear that she was. But she turned to look down at the view, which was admittedly rather splendid. It looked down on the paddocks and kitchen gardens behind the house and over the house itself to the parterre gardens, the lawns and driveway, the village in the distance, and a patchwork of fields stretching into the distance in all directions. Just a little higher, he had always thought, and they would be able to see the sea. He had tried climbing the tree once, but he had sprained an ankle and a wrist as a result and, worse, had scuffed a newish pair of boots so badly that even the combined skills of several servants had not been able to cover up his transgression.
They had been putting on a good front for their family and guests, he and Katherine. But there was still a reserve between them in private that had been there since he had made an ass of himself at the lake. She must think him a sorry wager-winner since there were no more than a few days left in their wager and he had made no real attempt recently to win it.
“Come,” he said after they had their breath back, and he took her hand again and turned off the path to strike straight upward through dense trees until they had reached almost to the top of the rise and into the sudden, unexpected clearing that as far as he knew no one else had ever discovered. It was like a miniature meadow or dell, all lush grass and wildflowers, completely enclosed by trees. Coming here had always felt like walking into another world, in which he was entirely alone and in which time and troubles mattered not at all.
“My most secret retreat as a boy,” he said, stopping at the edge of it. “I came here more often than I can remember, summer and winter.”
He had been somehow afraid that it would be gone. It was years since he had been here last.
“It is always carpeted with snowdrops in the early spring,” he said, “as if it had suffered its own private little snowfall. And with bluebells later on as if a patch of sky had taken refuge in the forest. I wish you could have seen it in the spring.”
“I will,” she said softly. “Next year and the year after. I live here, Jasper.”
He knew somehow from the tone of her voice that she understood, and he felt foolish and grateful.
One thrush, perhaps disturbed by the sound of their voices, flew out of a high branch with a flutter of wings, and she tipped back her head to watch it soar into the sky.
“I have always had places like this of my own,” she said, “though never anywhere quite so remote or more splendid.”
He looked over to the far corner of the clearing and was surprised and relieved to discover that it was, of course, still there-a great flat slab of rock jutting out of the hillside, level with his knees when he was a boy.
“Ah,” he said, “the stone is still there. My drea-”
He stopped abruptly.
“Your drea-?” she said.
“Nothing.” He shrugged.
“Your dreaming stone?” she said.
Good Lord, she had got it exactly right. His dreaming stone.
“A foolish boyhood fancy,” he said, striding away from her to take a closer look at it. It was covered with moss and twigs and other debris, and he leaned over to brush it off. “I was captain of my own ship here and lord of my own castle and navigator of my own flying carpet. I slew dragons and enemy knights and black-hearted villains of all descriptions here. I was my own favorite, invincible hero.”
“As we all are in our childhood fantasies,” she said. “As we need to be. Our games give us the courage to grow up and live the best adult lives of which we are capable.”
Had the vicar taught her that?
He set one booted foot on the stone.
“And sometimes,” he said, “I would just lie here watching the sky.”
“Flying on the coattails of the clouds,” she said. “And yet you scorned me when I told you that I dreamed of flying close to the sun.”
“I was a child at the time,” he said, lowering his foot back to the ground, “and knew nothing. It is here we have to do our living, Katherine. And not even here in this clearing or places like it, but down there in the world, where dreams signify nothing.”
“Our lives ought to be lived in both places,” she said. “We need both our retreats, our private places and our dreams, and our lives out there, where we make a difference to one another, for good or ill.”
He must think quickly of something about which to tease her. He was not accustomed to serious conversation. And he felt too raw for one now. Why, then, had he brought her here? He might easily have got away on his own.