He half expected that he would be tossed from the door by some burly footman hired for that express purpose and that that would be that-reprieve, freedom, and a guilt that would doubtless nag at him for at least the next decade or two.
Damnation!
When had he developed a conscience? At Vauxhall on a certain memorable occasion? It was a dashed uncomfortable thing. He did not like it at all.
He was not tossed from the door or even informed politely that he must go away as Miss Katherine Huxtable had decided not to see him within the next billion years or so.
He was admitted and shown into the library just as if this were any afternoon social call-the same library where he had seen her for the first time in years when she had let herself into the room to greet Con.
A fateful evening, that. If he had not accepted Merton’s invitation to come here for a drink… If she had stayed upstairs and been content to wait a day or so before seeing Con… But fate had been playing one of its fiendish little games. He might as well add that if he had not invited his friends back to his house on his twenty-fifth birthday, then he would not be here now.
And if his father had not met his mother… Or his grandfathers his grandmothers…
But there was no time to go all the way back to Adam and Eve with his reflections upon the vagaries of fate, and no time to collect his thoughts and rehearse one more time the words he must speak. He discovered in some surprise that she was in the room before him.
Alone.
She was standing in front of one of the long windows, between the desk and one of the bookcases-in almost the exact spot, in fact, where he had stood that evening, feeling rather like a rat caught in a trap. She was not even standing with her back to the room, pretending to admire the view. She was facing the door. Her eyes were fixed steadily on him.
She was dressed in white muslin, an unfortunate choice today, perhaps, as it offered no contrast to her pale complexion. Her hair had been brushed ruthlessly back from her face and twisted into a knot behind her head.
She certainly did not look like a lady preparing to receive her suitor.
She held her hands clasped loosely in front of her. She did not smile.
Of course she did not smile.
She did not say anything either.
It was all a trifle disconcerting.
He advanced farther into the room.
“One thing I have to admit about Clarence Forester,” he said, “is that he has a certain degree of intelligence. He always did. He always knew unerringly just how best to avenge himself against any insult or worse I happened to toss his way. He is, in fact, quite ruthlessly vicious.”
“Lord Montford,” she said, “let me save you time. My answer is no-unequivocally and irreversibly.”
“Is it?” He took a couple of steps closer.
“You have done the honorable thing,” she said. “You called upon my brother and brother-in-law this morning, and now you have called upon me. A proposal of marriage is to follow, I understand. It may remain unspoken. My answer is no.”
“Ah,” he said. “You will not allow me to make amends, then.”
“There has been nothing this year for which to make amends,” she said. “I have danced with you-once. At a ball, where the whole purpose was for ladies and gentlemen to dance with each other. I have received you and your sister with my own sister and brother in my brother’s drawing room here. I have walked with you-once-in Hyde Park with our relatives. I have sat talking with you in a glass pavilion at a garden party, whose primary function was that guests converse with one another in the setting of the garden.”
She had been counting off their meetings on the fingers of one hand.
“Ah,” he said, “but there was also Vauxhall three years ago.”
“Where nothing happened,” she said, jerking her chin higher. “You need not make amends for that, Lord Montford. We both know that I was not innocent in that sordid encounter.”
“Because you would have capitulated to the practiced arts of an experienced and determined seducer?” he said. “You were as innocent as a newborn babe, Miss Huxtable. You must allow me…”
“I was twenty years old,” she said. “I knew the difference between right and wrong. I knew that what was happening was wrong. I knew you were a notorious rake. I chose to ignore what was right because I wanted the excitement and self-gratification of what was wrong. The wager was… disgusting. Naming me as its victim was more so. But I might have said no as soon as you offered me your arm when we were on the grand avenue with the others. I did not say no either then or later, and so I am as guilty as you. You do not have to make amends. You may go away now, satisfied in the knowledge that you have at least done what society demands of you today.”
“Even if you had refused to take my arm that evening and made it quite impossible for me to win my wager,” he said, “the wager would still have existed, Miss Huxtable. It would still stand in the books. Clarence would still have found out about it and told the whole world with the implication, of course, that we became lovers that night and resumed the liaison this year.”
“I cannot control what people choose to believe,” she said, color in her cheeks at last. “I do not care what they believe. I am going home to Warren Hall tomorrow-where I belong and where I am happy.”
He could turn and leave. He had come. He had made an effort to set things right. Good Lord, he had been prepared to take on a leg shackle for the sake of her reputation. She did not want him-hardly surprising. She would not have him-for which she was to be commended. He had even tried adding a little persuasion, but she was still adamant.
He could leave.
He could be free.
And perhaps things would not be too drastically bad for her after all. Merton and Moreland would put it about that he had offered and she had refused. Perhaps the ton would assume that she must be innocent if she was prepared to do something as foolhardy as refuse him. Perhaps they would forget in a year or two or ten and she could return.
He could be free.
If he did not marry, though, Charlotte would suffer. She would have to go to Lady Forester. Seth Wrayburn had made it clear that he would have no option but to give his vote to Clarence and Jasper’s vote would count for nothing.
And if he did not marry Katherine Huxtable, she would be permanently ruined. He was fooling himself if he chose to believe otherwise just because he wanted to. The ton, with its rather peculiar notions of morality, would take back to its collective bosom a lady who had lost her virtue to one of its wildest rakehells provided she married him when caught out. It would never forgive a lady who was courageous enough to declare her innocence by saying no to the said rakehell and thumbing her nose at society’s opinion.
“Are you quite sure scandal will not follow you even to Warren Hall?” he asked her.
“If it does,” she said, “it will be my problem to deal with, Lord Montford, not yours.”
“And your sister’s problem too?” he asked her. “And your brother’s? Are you sure the scandal will not touch them also?”
Those large eyes of hers grew luminous and she turned pale again. He knew he had touched a weak point.
“This is all so ridiculous,” she said then, her voice somewhat thinner and higher pitched though she still had not moved. “So ridiculous! Why should my freedom be curtailed by the ton? Why should yours? Why should my family be affected by what I have done-or not done?”
“Welcome to the beau monde, Miss Huxtable,” he said softly, raising one eyebrow. “Are you only now discovering for yourself what I told you not so long ago? That there might be wealth and comfort and pleasure in privilege, but that there is precious little freedom?”