I went to the OCA meetings every month. I went because every month that I was there I knew it was another month of deserving to be with Gregory.
I missed it this month.
39
After returning from an afternoon rehearsal at the Community Hall, Bobby and I sat around the pine table with Helena and Joseph in their home. Wanda sat opposite me, her head of messy black curls just about visible over the table, and her arms pulled up in a giant effort to clasp her hands together, imitating how I was seated. Joseph had just announced that the council had called a meeting for tomorrow night, which for reasons known only to the others around the table was a cause to become quiet and allow an atmosphere of impending doom to fall over us.
I don’t know why, but I found the day-to-day running of this place comical. I didn’t and couldn’t take their world and their issues seriously, however important they were. I hid my smile beneath my hand as I watched them worriedly looking at one another. I was completely detached from the problem, thankful that whatever was happening was happening to them and not me. It was as though their problems weren’t mine because I was an outsider of my own choosing, and I would do my utmost to remain in that position. Anything to avoid having to deal with the harsh reality of settling here. There seemed to be very little choice involved in that reality. So my feeling while I sat at the table was that my time here would be too short-lived to have to care about whatever it was that affected their world. Their world, not mine. Nobody had spoken for a while so I tried to break the frosty atmosphere.
“So what’s such a big issue that would cause a meeting to be called?”
“You,” Wanda said perkily, and I could tell her legs were swinging under the table from the way her shoulders rocked.
A chill went through me. I chose to ignore her, annoyed that a child was allowed to sit in on our conversation without being silenced, annoyed that she had transformed me from black sheep to piggy by snatching me from the outside where I felt comfortable and plonking me right in the middle of the equation. I looked to the faces around the table, still glancing worriedly at one another but still not speaking. The only one willing to look me in the eye was Wanda.
“What makes you say that?” I questioned the five-year-old, taking the fact that nobody had corrected her as either because it was the general consensus or they were ignoring her because she was bonkers. I hoped for the latter.
“From the way that everyone was staring at you when we walked from the Community Hall to here.”
“That’s enough now, sweetheart,” Helena said gently.
“Why?” Wanda looked up at her grandmother. “Didn’t you see how they all stopped talking and made way for her? It was like she was a fairy princess.” She revealed her gummy smile. Yep, bonkers.
“OK.” Helena patted her on the arm to signal her to stop. Wanda was quiet and I could tell her legs were still.
“The meeting is being called about me.” I absorbed this. “Is this true, Joseph?” I very rarely, if at all, got nervous for anything and, at the idea of this, curiosity was the only emotion that stirred within me. And yet it was still mixed with the bizarre feeling of thinking it was all very cute and twee. A funny little happening in a funny little place.
“We don’t know that it’s about you.” Bobby leaped to my defense. He looked at Joseph. “Do we?”
“I have been told nothing.”
“Do people regularly call meetings about new arrivals? Is that normal?” I asked. I squeezed the stone that was Joseph, for water.
“Normal.” He threw his hands up in the air. “What do we know of normal? What does our world and the old world, the world who thinks it knows it all, really know of normal?” He stood up and loomed over us.
“Well, do I need to be worried?” I asked, hoping now that he could at least reassure me.
“Kipepeo, one never needs to be worried.” He placed his hand on my head and I felt his warmth soothe my pounding headache. “We will be at the Community Hall at seven P.M. tomorrow. We shall test our understanding of normality then.” With a small smile he drifted out of the room. Helena followed him.
“What did he just call you?” Bobby asked, confused.
“Kipepeo,” Wanda sang, her legs swinging wildly again.
I leaned into the table and Wanda momentarily looked startled. “What does that mean?” I asked rather aggressively, but I was anxious to know.
“Not telling you.” She pouted and crossed her arms across her chest. “Because you don’t like me.”
“Don’t be silly. Of course Sandy likes you,” Bobby said stupidly.
“She told me she didn’t.”
“I’m sure you misheard her.”
“She didn’t,” I explained, “I told her directly.” Bobby looked shocked, so I made an attempt to wave the white flag. “Well, tell me what kipepeo means and I might like you.”
“Sandy!” Bobby exclaimed.
I shushed him. Wanda mulled it over. Slowly but surely her face began to crumple. Bobby kicked me in the leg and I leaned forward. “Wanda, don’t worry about it.” I tried to soften my voice as much as I could. “It’s not your fault that I don’t like you.” In the background Bobby tutted and sighed. “If you were ten years older, it’s very possible that I could like you.”
Her eyes lit up. Bobby shook his head at me. “What age will I be then?” she asked, kneeling excitedly on her chair and leaning forward on her elbows on the table to get closer to me.
“You’ll be fifteen.”
“Nearly the same age as Bobby?” She was hopeful.
“Bobby is nineteen.”
“Which is four years older than fifteen,” Bobby explained politely.
Wanda seemed delighted by this and gave him another shy gummy smile.
“But I’ll be twenty-nine when you’re fifteen,” Bobby explained, and I saw her face fall. “Every time you get older, I get older.” He laughed. He was confusing her fallen face with a lack of understanding and he continued. “I’ll always be fourteen years older than you, you see.” As I watched her face falling along with the penny in her mind, I signaled for him to stop.
“Oh,” she whispered.
Your heart can break at any age. I think that’s when I started liking Wanda.
I hated going to sleep in the place they called Here. I hated the sounds at night that drifted into the atmosphere from home. I hated to hear the laughter, I wanted to block my nose to the smells, close my eyes to the people wandering in from the woods for the first time. I was afraid each noise would be me, I was afraid each sound would be a part of me forgotten. Bobby and I shared that fear. We stayed up late into the night talking about the world he had left behind: music, sport, politics, and everything in between, but mostly we spoke about his mother.
Jack returned to Mary Stanley’s house after leaving Dr. Burton at the OCA meeting. Once again angry words had been shared between them, the doctor firing threats of stalking charges and everything he could think of to make Jack back off from his search. After wandering around Dublin city for the afternoon, he had left a voice-mail on Gloria’s phone telling her he wouldn’t be home for another few days; that it was complicated but that it was important. He knew she would understand. He had postponed his trip to Leitrim to visit Sandy’s parents after being warned off by Dr. Burton. Instead, he hoped to share his thoughts and concerns with Mary before he moved on with his search. He needed to know whether to continue or not. He needed to know if he was chasing his own shadow, whether there was any purpose to him searching for Sandy if those who knew her well weren’t concerned.
Mary had welcomed Jack to stay with her for another night and they sat in her living room once again watching a video of Bobby performing in his sixth class school play, Oliver. He noticed Bobby had an unusual laugh, a loud chuckle that came from deep inside him, causing everyone around him, including the audience, to smile. Jack found himself with a grin on his face as Mary turned off the tape.