I stepped over the rows of items, kicking some in my rush to get to the cardboard boxes where I frantically searched. Bobby left the room to give me my space, or so I thought, but he returned with a Polaroid camera. He motioned for me to step aside, which I did without question. He pointed the camera at the ground, took a photograph, extracted the square photo, shook it, examined it, and then slid it into a plastic folder.
“I found this camera years ago,” he explained, sadness echoing in his words. “It’s difficult to find the cartridges that go with it. I don’t even know if they make them anymore, but now and again, I come across boxes of the right ones. I have to be careful with the photographs I take; I can’t waste them. I don’t mind being careful but it’s difficult to know which second among a lifetime of seconds is more special. Often when you realize how precious those seconds are, it’s too late for them to be captured because the moment has passed. We realize too late.” He was silent for a moment, lost in thought, frozen as though his batteries had run out. I touched his arm and he looked up, surprised to see me in the room. He looked down at the camera in his hands, surprised to see it there too. Then he rebooted. The light returned behind his eyes and he continued, “This is how you refill it. Take photos of these items on the floor every morning from now on.” He handed it to me and added before walking away, “And then I suggest you start taking the other photos.”
“What other photos?”
He stopped at the doorway and suddenly looked even younger than his nineteen years, like a lost little boy. “I don’t know much about what goes on around here, Sandy. I don’t know why we’re all here, how we all got here, or even what we’re supposed to be doing. I never knew that when I was at home with my Mum either.” He smiled. “But as far as I can see, you followed all your belongings here and now, day by day, items disappear. I don’t know where they’re going, but wherever that is, I suggest that when you find yourself there, you have proof that you were ever here. Proof of us.” His smile weakened. “I’m tired now, Sandy. I’m going to go to bed. See you at seven for the council meeting.”
43
Barbara Langley hadn’t much in the way of clothes suitable for community meetings, most likely because the doomed New York holiday, which resulted in the loss of her luggage more than twenty years ago, didn’t call for being put on trial by an entire community. But then again, you never know.
I chose to stay away from rehearsals at the Community Hall, knowing that my presence there later would be enough and that Helena had the play I really wasn’t interested in being involved in all under control. I passed the day by covering the shop for Bobby, who had quite understandably decided to stay in bed the entire day. I busied myself; I pleasured myself rooting around the long-legged people’s section, diving into bargain buckets with all the ferocity of a bear that had stumbled upon a picnic park. Excitedly I pulled out outfits I dreamed of having at home. Ecstasy-fueled purrs escaped my lips as I tried on shirts with sleeves that reached my wrists, T-shirts that covered my belly button, and trousers with hems that fell to the floor. A tingle rushed through my body each time the feel of fabric covered an area of skin so used to being bare and exposed. What a difference an inch of fabric made. Particularly on a cold morning standing at the bus stop stretching the sleeves of a favorite sweater just so it covered a racing, angry pulse. That small inch, insignificant to most, everything to me, was the difference between a good day and a bad, internal peace and outward loathing, denial and the realization of an overwhelming albeit temporary desire to be like everyone else. A few inches shorter, a few inches happier, richer, content, warmer.
Every once in a while, the bell over the door sounded, and just like the end of my playtime at school, the climax would come to an abrupt end. The majority of shoppers that day had come to the shop with one goal in mind: to have a look at me, the one they had heard about, the one who knew things. People from all nations would lock eyes with me, hoping for recognition, and, when there wasn’t any, would leave, disappointment weighing heavy on their shoulders. Each time the bell rang and another pair of eyes bored into mine, I became more nervous for the evening ahead, and no matter how hard I wanted to prevent the many clocks on the wall from ticking, the hands raged on and the night was suddenly upon me.
It seemed the entire village had decided to attend the council meeting at the Community Hall. Bobby and I pushed our way through throngs of people slowly filing toward the giant oak door. News of somebody with the capacity to know all about families at home had caused people of all nationalities, races, and creeds to flock by the hundreds to the building. The hot orange sun was disappearing behind the pine trees, giving the effect of strobe lighting as we walked briskly alongside them. Above us, hawks circled low in the sky, dangerously skimming the treetops. Around me, I felt eyes on me, watching, waiting to pounce.
The carvings of people shoulder to shoulder, upon the giant doors, parted and bodies began to file in. The theater had been transformed from the informal arrangement of rehearsal hours. I felt deceived, realizing it was more than it had originally appeared to be, capable of more than it had shown itself to be, and now here it was, elegantly dressed, standing upright and proud, royalty when I had thought it a servant. Hundreds of rows of seats led from the stage, the red velvet curtains pulled back by a chunky golden twist with tassels bowing, their overturned heads of hair skimming the ground. On stage rows of representatives sat on tiered seating, some wearing their countries’ traditional costumes, others choosing modern dress. There were three-piece suits next to embroidered dish-dasha, sequined jellabahs, silk kimonos, kippas, turbans and jilbab, bead, bone, gold and silver jewelry, women in elaborately patterned khanga, upon them Swahili proverbs offering pearls of wisdom I could not understand, and men in fine hanbok. There was everything from khussa shoes to Jimmy Choos, Thousand Mile sandals and flip-flops to polished leather lace-ups. I spotted Joseph in the second row wrapped in a purple gown with gold trimming. The vision was stunning, the mixture of fine cultured clothes side by side a treat. Despite my feelings on the evening ahead, I lifted the Polaroid camera and took a photo.
“Hey!” Bobby grabbed the camera from my hands. “Stop wasting the cartridges!”
“Wasting?” I gasped. “Look at that!” I pointed to the stage of representatives from all nations, sitting grandly overlooking the sea of villagers, who watched them expectantly, desperately awaiting news of the old world they had left behind. We sat in seats halfway up the auditorium to ensure I wasn’t in the first row for the firing line. We spotted Helena toward the front of the room, desperately scouring the crowds with an alarming look of concern or fear, I couldn’t tell which. Assuming it was us she was looking for, Bobby waved at her wildly. I couldn’t move. My body sat frozen in this new fear I was experiencing, in a theater that had very quickly become filled with the noise of hundreds of people becoming louder and louder in my ears. I glanced over my shoulder. Dozens more stood at the back of the hall, blocking the exits, unable to find seats. The banging shut and locking of the gigantic doors reverberated around the room and everybody instantly fell silent. The breathing of the man behind me was loud in my ears, the whispering of the couple in front of me like a loudspeaker. My heart began a drumbeat of its own. I looked at Bobby for reassurance I didn’t get. The harsh lights from above didn’t allow anybody or their reactions to hide. Everyone and everything was revealed.